18/02/2021
"πΆπππ ππππ ππ πππ πππππ ππππππ ππ πππππππ πππ π
πππππππ ππππ ππ π
πππππππ πππ ππππππππ πππππ ππ πππ πππππ."
ΒΉ α΅αΆ ΒΉΒ²
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There's this concept called synchronicity that suggests that when you think of something or come to a realization, all of a sudden the universe shows you repeatedly that exact thing. For instance, if you're looking to buy a car, you suddenly see that car everywhere.
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I have been trying to read BrenΓ© Brown's book for months, and I finally started making the time to read it as part of my goal to read 12 books this year. It's a hefty goal, sure, but I don't think it's any coincidence that this was the first book I chose.
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I know she is a shame researcher, and I had heard tremendous things about her work. Little did I know that this book would coincide perfectly with the things I am working through in therapy right now.
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And I think that quote is a perfect example of this synchronicity. For so long, I tip-toed around the real heart of my problems. I addressed the symptoms but never had the courage the get to the heavy stuff. I think I wanted to. But I also think I wasn't ready for what I might find in the darkness.
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The past six months have been incredibly tough. I started working with a new therapist, which has been amazing. But she's about as tough on me as I am on myself. It's a beautiful thing to be able to have someone push you to the very edge, to where you feel like you're drowning and need to come up for air only to have the same hand holding you down help pull you back out.
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But it's through this incredibly difficult process that I have learned more about myself than ever before. I feel like I'm meeting myself for the first time.
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I am, for the first time in my life, completely vulnerable. And as BrenΓ© was able to explain, I am also experiencing true joy and love for the first time. And I'm this, I am finally able to appreciate this beautiful mess of a world.