The Black Sheep Psychologist

18/02/2026

“What’s the point of living” is how deep the wish for reunion can be held. Holding onto the hope of being loved in a way that one wasn’t loved as a child, protects against the abandonment depression where real healing lies—not in fantasy bonds.

21/12/2025

We should be investing in things that have real value, like being human with inherent value, and producing real goods and services rather than making money via markets, debts, and assets. Maybe then we won’t have to be our best self but simply our real self—just being who we are.

17/12/2025

Externalisation can be used by all of us but is especially dominant in the separation sensitive person who associates standing on their own to feel with profound feelings of loneliness, loss, and abandonment.

14/12/2025

If you have a real self, you don’t really need to hold onto an identity.

10/12/2025

07/12/2025

Without an understanding of your intrapsychic structure which got shaped by attachment in early childhood, your behaviours won’t make sense and you won’t know what actually needs to be healed to find peace and wholeness from within.

03/12/2025

When we grieve what we didn’t have, and all that the self had to give up for connection with our parents, we can let go of both the talionic impulse and reunion fantasy. We begin to understand that our parents also suffered in childhood and that we have not always been our ideal selves.

When we gain a whole self, we can feel remorse and regret about our old self. And this enables us to view ourselves and others in a more whole, rather than splitting, black and white, way.

30/11/2025

The need to be seen and understood only happens during a small window in childhood. But if you are still looking to be seen and understood in adulthood, it says something about the pain in not having been seen and understood when you should have, and had a right, to have had that validation.

26/11/2025

Not everyone wants to change at the core of the self; it requires unpacking how the self organised around core attachment needs, which unconsciously shape and drive our lives. It’s a slower, reflective, and explorative process that leads to deeper, meaningful change versus more surface interventions, like re-parenting the self—while helpful for soothing painful affects and can make a person feel better, faster, doesn’t help us to understand and change why we do what we do.

23/11/2025

Feeling guilt is a healthy consequence of knowing you did something you shouldn’t have done and this prompts you toward repair.

But guilt for having your own feelings, needs, and thoughts is a defensive feeling that protects you from the discomfort that arises from being a separated and individuated person. But it blocks you from growing and stepping into your power.

19/11/2025

Our real self is always present, even if we’re not consciously aware of it. Listening to that part of us can reveal profound truths.

But we are often terrified to turn within, toward that inner voice because it can sometimes mean giving up everything we have known and created from what we thought we should create. It’s going into the great unknown.

And yet, once we decide and act from our own truth, all the dominoes can just fall down and a path forward can open up more easily than you imagined.

16/11/2025

That deprived part of the self from the past, can pursue that feeling of being wanted and the hope of being loved at a cost to the self and having real love.