The Black Sheep Psychologist

24/03/2026

21/12/2025

We should be investing in things that have real value, like being human with inherent value, and producing real goods and services rather than making money via markets, debts, and assets. Maybe then we won’t have to be our best self but simply our real self—just being who we are.

17/12/2025

Externalisation can be used by all of us but is especially dominant in the separation sensitive person who associates standing on their own to feel with profound feelings of loneliness, loss, and abandonment.

14/12/2025

If you have a real self, you don’t really need to hold onto an identity.

10/12/2025

07/12/2025

Without an understanding of your intrapsychic structure which got shaped by attachment in early childhood, your behaviours won’t make sense and you won’t know what actually needs to be healed to find peace and wholeness from within.

03/12/2025

When we grieve what we didn’t have, and all that the self had to give up for connection with our parents, we can let go of both the talionic impulse and reunion fantasy. We begin to understand that our parents also suffered in childhood and that we have not always been our ideal selves.

When we gain a whole self, we can feel remorse and regret about our old self. And this enables us to view ourselves and others in a more whole, rather than splitting, black and white, way.

30/11/2025

The need to be seen and understood only happens during a small window in childhood. But if you are still looking to be seen and understood in adulthood, it says something about the pain in not having been seen and understood when you should have, and had a right, to have had that validation.

26/11/2025

Not everyone wants to change at the core of the self; it requires unpacking how the self organised around core attachment needs, which unconsciously shape and drive our lives. It’s a slower, reflective, and explorative process that leads to deeper, meaningful change versus more surface interventions, like re-parenting the self—while helpful for soothing painful affects and can make a person feel better, faster, doesn’t help us to understand and change why we do what we do.