Blue Gum Centre for Psychology and Psychotherapy

16/10/2025

If nothing in your life really mattered, you wouldn’t feel fear at all. The reason fear comes alive is because something precious is at stake. That racing heart and knot in your stomach? That’s not a stop sign—it’s your compass pointing toward what’s important.

16/10/2025

If you make happiness the finish line, you’ll always feel behind. It becomes just another demand, another thing to fail at. But when you turn your energy toward living with meaning, happiness has a funny way of showing up on its own. Joy is a byproduct, not a prize.

16/10/2025

You can’t stop it — minds are judgment machines. But you can choose how to relate to it. When self-criticism shows up, pause and notice: “There’s my mind, doing what minds do.” You don’t have to fight it, and you don’t have to buy into it. Imagine carrying your thoughts on a tray instead of swallowing them whole. That space gives you freedom to act on what matters, not what your mind shouts.
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Do you have a question for me? Write it in the comments below and I might answer it next.

14/10/2025

To Parent Plus.
The parent who told me changed their house around so that their child could have a room to themselves to recover.

The family who moved from friends, family, job-all they knew so their child could have a chance to go somewhere to learn.

The parents who tell me they’ve had to shed loved ones to parent how they know they need to for their child right now.

Parents hiding out in bathrooms, shed, cars, to talk to others in hurried, whispered voices in the hope they may have something, anything to offer that is something they haven’t already tried or know won’t work. But they keep listening, researching, attending because that’s what we all do.

And so many mothers, (mainly mothers) who have given up careers and life to look after their children who are too unwell to be anywhere other than home.

Families who have had to think, consider every aspect of their lives while they modify, adapt and create new ways after old ways have shattered their child and family in ways that no one would truly understand or believe.

Whose roles become a multitude of forms unimaginable to others.

These are the families who never ever stop pulling it out the bag.
Who put on the bravest of faces, who hold it together, always (after all who has the time to fall apart?)

Understood only by others who have also had to carve very different paths.

We see you.x

12/10/2025

Mode Spotlight: Detached Self-Soother

In Schema Therapy, modes are the moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses we experience. Today, we are focusing on the Detached Self-Soother mode.

This mode is as a flight response. It often shows up to cope with uncomfortable feelings by disconnecting or numbing through self-soothing or stimulating behaviours. In this mode, we may retreat into work, screens, distractions, fantasies, or substances to avoid vulnerability or distress. It’s often withdrawn or “checked out", but underneath there’s usually pain, sadness, or unmet needs that aren't being acknowledged. If our emotional needs weren’t reliably met as children and we weren't shown how to self-regulate in helpful ways, we may have learned to detach as a way to survive. The Detached Self-Soother tries to protect us from feeling hurt, overwhelmed, or vulnerable, but in doing so, it can block connection with ourselves and others.

So, what can we do instead? The Healthy Adult mode helps us notice and tolerate feelings while regulating ourselves in helpful ways. It reminds us that we don’t need to escape or shut down when we experience distress. With practice, we can begin to connect more with ourselves and others.

Interested in learning more about this mode? Check out our 7-minute schema video about the Detached Self-Soother mode below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah9QHBQ6axw&t=276s

06/10/2025

'1 in 10: Uniting for Change'

06/10/2025

In mental health (and health more broadly) sometimes the 'help' harms. The power threat meaning framework is such an important advance for mental health in addressing this problem.

It reduced self-harm, seclusion, and restraint. Now we have a better idea of how it was able to achieve that goal—and barriers preventing it.

06/10/2025

Useful download for parents available from British Dyslexia Association.

https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/advice/children/sign-up-for-your-free-guide-for-parents-download

06/10/2025

At the Blue Gum Centre we are happy to email/SMS rather than call, if you make an online enquiry let us know your preference.

06/10/2025

too true

This powerful reminder from "Your Life, Your Way" helps young people separate their identity from their experiences. What happened to you is not who you are.

You contain multitudes - your experiences, yes, but also your dreams, your values, your capacity for growth. You are so much bigger than any single event or season of your life.

📖 Your Life, Your Way: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Skills to Help Teens Manage Emotions and Build Resilience by Joseph V. Ciarrochi and Louise Hayes

06/10/2025

We are delighted to welcome Suzy Hingston to the Blue Gum Centre. Suzy will be working with young people 12-25, couples and families. Please see our website for all the details. Appointments available Mondays with after hours times available.

10/02/2025

Thanks Schema Therapy Institute Australia for this great summary.

Mode Spotlight: Bully Attack

In Schema Therapy, modes are the moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses that we experience. Today, we are focusing on the Bully Attack mode.

The Bully Attack mode is a fight mode. This mode often develops as a way to regain a sense of power and control when we’ve experienced vulnerability, humiliation, or helplessness. In our early life, we may have observed someone responding in this way to others or to us. By lashing out, intimidating, or belittling others, this mode protects us from feeling vulnerable or exposed. When we’re in this mode, we can feel driven to dominate or criticise, often justifying our actions as self-defence or asserting authority. However, beneath the surface, this mode often masks deeper feelings of insecurity, shame, or fear. While it may create a temporary sense of control, it also damages relationships and reinforces isolation.

So what can we do instead? The Bully Attack mode is rooted in pain and a fear of vulnerability. The healthy adult mode can help by acknowledging the underlying emotions and reminding ourselves that we can be accepted for who we are. We need to set boundaries with this bully and take responsibility for our actions. Instead of lashing out, we can focus on building assertive, respectful communication and reminding ourselves that true strength lies in connection, not control. Over time, we can replace this defensive pattern with healthier ways of relating to others and ourselves.

Interested in learning more about this mode? See our 7 minute schema YouTube video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXtRTclrhJo&t=68s