http://www.staghornsexology.com.au/

Staghorn Sexology, Blue Mountains, Blue Mountains National Park (2025)

28/11/2025

It’s S*x on and tonight we're comparing!

Let’s talk about the elephant (or should we say, the ego) in the room.

P***s size anxiety is one of the most common issues men bring to s*x therapy.
And it’s not because something’s wrong with their body, it’s because of what they’ve been taught to believe.

From locker rooms to p**n screens, men are quietly trained to measure their worth ... literally. The message is simple but toxic: bigger = better = more manly = more desirable.
But here’s the reality: research shows the average erect p***s is around 13–14 cm (that’s 5–5.5 inches), and partner satisfaction has almost nothing to do with size ... it’s about confidence, connection, and creativity.

🧠 So where does the anxiety come from?

Comparison culture: p**n, social media, and even dating apps fuel unrealistic norms.

The body as performance: masculinity becomes a competition instead of a feeling.

Shame and silence: few men talk openly about their fears, so myths thrive in isolation.

💬 As a s*x therapist, I can tell you: p***s anxiety rarely improves with reassurance alone. It shifts when men start to see themselves as whole s*xual beings, not body parts on display.

Pleasure doesn’t depend on cm's! It depends on presence, curiosity, and attunement.
Most partners care far more about how safe, attentive, and confident you make them feel rather than what you’re packing.

🌱 Try this reframe:
Stop asking “Am I big enough?” and start asking “Am I connected enough?”

You don’t need to measure up, you need to show up.

Up next Friday: tis the season for teasin

**sh *xology *xualHealth ***sSizeMyth *xTherapy

26/11/2025

💪 Body Image and Men

Muscles, hairlines, and “size” myths ... oh my!

When we talk about body image, most people picture women (remember 90s he**in chic? 🤢) but men are quietly fighting their own battles in the mirror.

From gym culture to dating apps, men face a constant stream of messages about what a “real man” should look like: ripped abs, full hair, big… everything.

But here’s the thing, body image distress among men is rising fast.
Research shows more men than ever are struggling with appearance anxiety, muscle dysmorphia, and shame around body changes with age.

🧠 It’s less about vanity and more about vulnerability

The “ideal” male body has shifted from lean to hyper-muscular.

Hair loss, weight gain, and ageing are often tied to masculinity and status.

Social media and p**n can set unrealistic expectations around p***s size, endurance, and aesthetics.

Many men internalise these pressures in silence through overtraining, avoidance of intimacy, and self-criticism.

🌱 So what helps?

Reconnect with your body for what it does, not how it looks.

Talk about it with mates, a therapist, or a partner. You’re not the only one thinking about it.

Curate your feed! Follow men who show range, softness, imperfection, and authenticity.

Remember: desire is diverse. Most partners care more about presence, confidence, and connection than perfection.

💬 As a s*x therapist, I see this all the time: men who feel disconnected from their bodies struggle to connect with others.
Body image isn’t just about attraction it’s about belonging to yourself and owning it.

Your worth isn’t measured in inches, abs, or follicles ... it’s measured in how you show up.

*xology

24/11/2025

🔥 P**n as a Coping Strategy: When Arousal Becomes Avoidance

P**n isn’t the villain. It can be erotic, creative, educational, and a safe outlet for exploring desire. But for some men, p**n becomes less about pleasure and more about numbing out.

When stress, loneliness, boredom, or emotional pain hit, it’s easy to reach for a quick dopamine fix. P**n delivers that rush fast: predictable, private, and soothing in the moment. But when arousal starts replacing emotional regulation, that’s when things can quietly tip from curiosity into coping.

🧠 What’s really going on:
P**n use can mimic emotional avoidance. Instead of feeling sadness, frustration, or anxiety, the body learns: “I’ll just get off instead.”
Over time the brain links relief to arousal vs more appropriate emotional processing.

⚠️ You might notice:
-Using p**n when feeling stressed, angry, lonely, or rejected
-Feeling “numb” or flat afterwards rather than relaxed
-Escalating to more extreme content or longer sessions to get the same effect
-Avoiding real intimacy, vulnerability, or discomfort
-Guilt, shame, or secrecy about your use
-Difficulty getting aroused with a partner without p**n fantasy cues

💬 What can you do?
The question isn’t “Is p**n bad?” It’s “What am I using it for?”

Healthy s*xual expression is flexible, integrated, and emotionally connected. When arousal becomes the only way to self-soothe, it’s worth unpacking the feelings underneath: not to punish yourself but to understand what’s driving the habit.

🌱 Try this reflection:
Next time you feel the urge to watch p**n, pause for 10 seconds and ask:
"What is the purpose?"
“What emotion am I trying to avoid right now?”

There’s no shame in using pleasure for comfort but your body deserves more than just relief. It deserves connection, presence, and choice.

If you’re finding that p**n feels more like a coping mechanism than an erotic one, working with a s*x therapist can help you reconnect with why you seek pleasure and how to do it in ways that actually meet your needs.

*xTherapy **nUse *xology

21/11/2025

📞 Our Phone Line Is Currently Down

Hey folks! Just a quick update to let you know our clinic phone line is temporarily out of service ... that'll teach us for trying to upgrade our internet! We’re working with our provider to get it resolved ASAP.

If you need to reach us in the meantime, please contact us via email: info@staghorns*xology and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can.

Thanks for your patience 💛
— Staghorn S*xology

21/11/2025

It’s S*x on and tonight we're pumped to talk about pumping it up ... but not too much!

P***s pumps: part medical device, part curiosity sitting quietly in your online shopping cart. Let’s clear a few things up... without overinflating anything. 😉

🩸 What They Actually Do
P***s pumps (or vacuum er****on devices, aka VEDs) work by creating a gentle vacuum around the p***s, drawing blood into the erectile tissue (the corpora cavernosa) and helping you achieve an er****on.
They’re sometimes recommended for men experiencing erectile difficulties, especially those with conditions like diabetes, prostate surgery recovery, or circulatory issues.

Used correctly, pumps can:
✅ Help with er****on quality
✅ Support pe**le rehabilitation after surgery
✅ Enhance blood flow and oxygenation
✅ Be incorporated into mindful self-pleasure routines

🚫 What They Don’t Do
They won’t permanently increase size. The temporary swelling you might see after use is just that, temporary. Overuse or excessive suction can cause bruising, broken capillaries, and even vascular damage.

Think of it like exercise: you want stimulation, not strain.

⚙️ How to Pump Responsibly
✔️ Use a good quality device (avoid the $20 mystery pump from an unknown seller).
✔️ Always use plenty of water-based l**e. Suction without lubrication is a recipe for friction burns.
✔️ Start slow. You’re creating a vacuum, not inflating a tyre.
✔️ Limit use to 5–10 minutes per session.
✔️ Stop immediately if you feel pain, pinching, or numbness.

🧘 The Mindful Pump
You don’t have to use a pump just for performance, it can be part of body awareness practice. Notice how your body responds, how blood flow feels, how sensation changes. But don't overdo it.

Your p***s is not a balloon. Treat it with curiosity and care, it's not an inflatable. Always seek medical advice before use.

Up next Friday: What ya packin'?

**sh ***sPump *xualHealth *xPositive *xuality *xTherapist *xualWellness *xology

19/11/2025

💥 Testosterone: The Unsung Hero (and Occasional Trouble-Maker)

Testosterone often gets the reputation of being the “man hormone”: all muscles, s*x drive, and swagger. But the truth is far more nuanced.

Yes, testosterone plays a big role in libido, energy, mood, muscle mass, and s*xual function, but it’s also involved in things like bone density, red blood cell production, and even emotional regulation. It’s usually less about being “high” or “low” and more about being in balance.

🧠 When testosterone’s doing its thing:
You might notice motivation, focus, confidence, and a steady s*x drive.
It supports stamina in and out of the bedroom but also helps men recover, sleep better, and regulate mood.

⚖️ When levels dip (or fluctuate):
Men can experience fatigue, low mood, irritability, decreased libido, softer er****ons, or loss of muscle mass.
Sometimes this happens with age (especially after 40), but lifestyle, stress, sleep, and medications can all play a part too.

💬 And here’s the kicker:
Not every low mood or libido issue is about testosterone.
Many men chase “T fixes”, i.e. supplements, injections, or shortcuts ... when the real issue is burnout, disconnection, poor sleep, or relationship stress.
Hormones are sometimes part of the story, but they’re not the whole book.

🌱 What to do:
- If concerned, ask your GP to check your levels (including free and total testosterone) in the morning.
-Move your body regularly and eat enough protein and healthy fats.
-Prioritise rest: testosterone production peaks during sleep.
-Manage stress: cortisol and testosterone are constantly negotiating with each other.
-Talk to a professional before trying any “T boosters" as these can have side effects and impact natural production

Our wellbeing is usually tied to more than just our hormone levels. It's ok to look at the ingredients but don't lose sight of the bigger picture.

*xualHealth *xTherapy

17/11/2025

🤝 Loneliness: The Silent Epidemic

We talk about physical health, mental health, and even s*xual health ... but what about social health?

Loneliness is now considered a major public health issue in Australia, and men are feeling it. Not because they don’t have people around them, but because they often lack meaningful connection.

👥 Why it hits hard:
- Many men are socialised to value independence over vulnerability.
- Friendships can be built around doing (eg sport and work) rather than sharing. Task focused activities rather than opportunities for open dialogue when we need it. When we do have spaces to share it's often tied around a good time, i.e. alcohol's involved and it can be difficult to 'break the mood'.
- Breakups, relocations, and life transitions (like retirement or fatherhood) can quietly shrink social circles.
- When stress or sadness hit, men often withdraw rather than reach out.

Over time, that isolation doesn’t just affect mood. It affects sleep, immunity, libido, and overall wellbeing. It often shows up as numbness, disconnection, or using s*x, work, or substances to fill the gap.

💬 So how do we reconnect?
-Reach out first. Text a mate. Suggest a coffee, a walk, or a catch-up that doesn’t revolve around alcohol.
-Try new circles. Community sport, volunteer work, men’s sheds, or hobby-based groups can spark real connection.
-Get comfortable with honest chats. A simple “Yeah, I’ve been feeling a bit flat lately” can open the door to real support.
-Nurture your inner circle. Quality beats quantity. Even one or two genuine connections can buffer against loneliness.

🌱 S*xology lens:
Connection is the foundation of intimacy.
It's hard to build closeness in the bedroom if you feel unseen or unsupported outside of it.

Reaching out and being vulnerable isn't a sign of weakness. Real strength comes from the vulnerability of letting yourself be known.

*xology

14/11/2025

It’s S*x on and tonight we're pulling out the tape measure as we ponder the importance, (ir)relevance and social construction of the size of one's eggplant.

You’ve probably heard the phrase “grower or shower”, a playful way to describe how some men’s p***ses change (or don’t change) in size when erect. But what’s actually going on biologically?

Let’s break it down.

The p***s is made up of three main erectile structures: two corpora cavernosa on top and one corpus spongiosum underneath (which surrounds the urethra). When arousal occurs, blood flows into these tissues, filling tiny chambers and causing expansion.

🔬 Growers vs Showers
Research suggests that “growers” have greater elasticity in their erectile tissue, meaning there’s more potential for expansion when blood flow increases. “Showers,” on the other hand, tend to have less elasticity but more baseline engorgement, so their flaccid and erect sizes are more similar.

Neither is “better” or healthier, they’re simply different physiological variations. Factors like genetics, collagen composition, vascular tone, and temperature can all influence how much change occurs between flaccid and erect states.

📊 What Studies Say
A 2018 study in the International Journal of Impotence Research found that most men experience some change in size, but the degree varies widely, often independent of overall p***s length. Another review noted that flaccid size is a poor predictor of erect size, debunking the myth that you can “tell” anything from appearance alone.

💬 Why It Matters
The grower-vs-shower idea is fun cultural shorthand, but it also highlights how much men compare their bodies, often unnecessarily. In reality, variation is the norm. What matters most isn’t the starting size, but healthy function, confidence, and communication.

So whether you’re a grower, a shower, or somewhere in between, your body is doing exactly what it’s designed to do.

Up next Friday: pump it up

**sh

12/11/2025

Why a Quick Fo**le Could Save Your Life

Let’s talk about your balls.
Yes, those ones!

They’re not just there for decoration or pleasure (though they do an excellent job at both). Your testicles play a vital role in hormone production and fertility, and paying attention to them could literally save your life.

⚕️ Here’s the deal:

Testicular cancer is the most common cancer in men aged 15–45. The good news? When it’s found early, it’s also one of the most treatable.

That’s where the ball check comes in.
It’s simple, quick, and can become part of your regular self-care routine.

👋 How to Do a Ball Check:
The best time? After a warm shower — your sc***um is relaxed and easier to examine.
Roll each testicle gently between your thumb and fingers.
Feel for any lumps, swelling, hardness, or changes in size or texture.
Don’t forget the epididymis (the soft tube at the back), it’s normal to feel that there.
If something feels different, new, or not right: don’t panic, but don’t ignore it. Book a GP appointment. Early detection makes a huge difference.

🧠 Why It Matters

Regular self-checks are so important. Getting familiar with your testicles means you’ll notice changes sooner. Plus, touching yourself with care and curiosity builds confidence and comfort with your body, not just s*xually, but emotionally too.

So next time you’re in the shower, ask yourself:
“When’s the last time I gave my balls a little quality time?” Because a quick fo**le isn’t just self-care, it’s health care. 💪

*xPositive *xualHealth *xualHealthMatters *xology

10/11/2025

🧻 When the Plumbing Changes (Let’s Talk About BPH)

Need to ti**le in the middle of the night again?
You’re not alone.
That extra bathroom visit, or the “why won’t it all come out?” feeling, might be your prostate sending a message.

BPH (Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia): a fancy term for a prostate that’s grown with age can cause such symptoms in men as they get older. It's totally normal, totally common, and definitely worth knowing about.

Your prostate sits just below your bladder and wraps around your urethra (yep, the same tube that carries urine and semen).
As it enlarges, it can start to squeeze that tube, meaning:
🚽 Weaker stream
⏳ Slower start and stop
🌙 More night-time bathroom trips
💭 That “never quite empty” feeling

But here’s the thing, BPH doesn’t just affect your bladder. It can impact your s*x life, too. You might notice:
- Less ej*****te or “dry” or***ms
- Changes in er****on quality
- Feeling anxious about how your body’s changing

The good news?
You’ve got options:
✅ Talk to your GP early
✅ Reduce caffeine and alcohol
✅ Stay hydrated and active
✅ Try pelvic floor exercises (yes, men have them too)

BPH is benign, but ignoring it isn’t. Symptoms can be debilitating and embarrassing and warrant a trip to the docs. Many of these symptoms are also common across conditions including prostate cancer which can require more immediate interventions and monitoring.

The sooner you check in, the easier it is to manage, and the better things feel in every department. 😉

*xualHealth *xPositive *xualWellness *xTherapist *xualHealthMatters *xology

07/11/2025

It’s S*x on and tonight we're measuring up with some Pythagoras Theorem.

Angles, angles, angles. Not something we always associate with eggplants but here’s a fun fact they didn’t teach you in maths class: er****ons have geometry, and it changes over time.

When you’re younger, er****ons tend to be more upward-pointing - a strong 10 or 11 o’clock angle, thanks to firm blood flow and elastic pe**le tissues. As men age, testosterone levels shift, blood vessels stiffen, and connective tissue loses a bit of spring.

The result?
Your er****on may start to curve, tilt, or point more forward or downward, think 9 o’clock sliding to 7 o’clock.

But here’s the important part:
👉 This is normal.
👉 It doesn’t mean your s*x life is over.
👉 And it definitely doesn’t mean you’ve lost your “performance.”

Erections aren’t about angle, they’re about adaptability. Pleasure doesn’t depend on geometry, it depends on presence, creativity, and connection.

So, if your compass points a little differently these days, don’t panic. Learn the new map. Bodies evolve, and so should our understanding of what pleasure looks (and feels) like.

Important note! Sometimes, the shape changes due to conditions like Peyronie’s disease, where scar tissue causes curvature. Normative changes start at the base, Peyronie's tends to effect the shaft causing a more obtuse curve. Those types of changes can be more sudden and effect anyone of any age and warrant a visit to the doctor for a looksie.

Up next Friday: Grow-er or Show-er

**sh *xology *xTherapy *xualHealth

05/11/2025

✋ What’s Your Other Hand Doing?

Be honest ... when you ma******te, what’s your other hand doing?

For most men, it’s holding a phone. Scrolling, swiping, fast-forwarding. Basically acting as your D.O.C. (Director of Photography that is 🎥)

But what if that hand had a new job?
What if it wasn’t scrolling through tabs or gripping a screen, but exploring you instead?

Your thighs. Your stomach. Your chest. The places you forget are capable of pleasure because all your attention’s focused on one small part of your body. What if your other hand was touching your body, tracing sensations, getting curious about what you actually feel ... not what someone on a screen looks like.

Mindful ma********on isn’t about being slow or serious, it’s about getting curious. What does your skin actually feel like? How does arousal build when you’re not chasing a finish line? What happens when both hands are in on the fun?

This month, try a simple experiment:
📱 Put the phone down.
🖐️ Use both hands.
💭 Stay present.
👉Notice where your body wants to be touched, not just where it’s “supposed” to.
😏 See what surprises you.

When you stop watching pleasure and start feeling it, things get a lot more interesting.

So… what’s your other hand doing tonight? 😉

*xPositive *xualHealth *xTherapy *xualSelfCare *xualWellness *xualMindfulness *xologist

Staghorn Sexology

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