Anita Narayan -Life Coach

19/10/2023

The term ‘ ’ was new to me when I heard it several years ago but now it is getting quite common amongst families, friends and those who are in romantic relationships too. Ghosting is a colloquial term used by someone when they are abruptly cut out of relationships, and when the person who was ghosted reaches out for an explanation to get closure, they are met with complete unresponsive silence. Basically by vanishing in thin air, the ghoster on the other hand could be avoiding an awkward and difficult conversation and is not in a position to face the ghostee’s feelings.

Being on the receiving end the ghostee could experience a severe impact on their emotional and mental well-being, mainly because they lose the opportunity to talk through and understand the reason, which can help them heal. Without a clarifying conversation, it can lead to abandonment issues in some while some may even question their self-worth. In the long term the person who got ghosted could display lack of trust in all their future relationships.

Now let us consider the other side of the coin and play devil’s advocate to the ghoster. The ghoster could suffer from social anxiety and/or could lack the necessary communication skills to explain the reason for their actions. Having difficult conversations could stir some buried emotions, which they are still not ready to face. Studies have shown that ghosters have displayed guilt and remorse and have found it difficult to let go of their past experience.

Tips to heal…

Grieve, it can give you an opportunity to work through your own emotions, which will help in getting closure.

Focus on where your presence is valued. Your family and friends who truly care about you will remind you how valuable you are to them.

If you feel you are not coping well, then do make sure you are reaching out for help from a trained professional.

25/09/2023

Getting Good Angry!

What is anger and when was the last time you got really ? The American Psychological Association ( ) defines as “A basic that arises from , injustice or injury”. Whenever we hear about anger, our mind immediately connects to it’s negative effect on our body, mind and our with our friends and associates doesn’t it; but in recent years, researchers and experts have recognised that this emotion could have a positive outcome if used appropriately. While anger can be misused to control and tyrannise others both in personal and professional life. In this article, I will try to address how we can channelise this energy towards our and .

To elaborate this further, anger is a powerful emotion,which requires to be managed in a very mature manner, because if it is externalised, it can escalate into aggression and violence and on the other hand, internalising can cause depression or other health issues. Hence maintaining a balance is necessary to allow this powerful emotion to empower us. While often triggered by an external factor, this emotion aids in protecting us from things that hurt and also helps us challenge any injustice or discrimination we are experiencing at the moment. For example, when we feel angry or triggered by a particular incident, it empowers us to make a shift from an undesirable to a desirable position, mainly because it encourages to focus on what we would like to achieve, rather than focusing on feeling about something, we channelise this feeling towards identifying a problem or the trigger and focus our energy on protecting ourselves, thus providing us with a sense of control and optimism to handle the situation in a manner.

Experts are still learning and working on techniques to use anger in a constructive manner, however, it is good to understand when experiencing destructive forms of anger or when having trouble expressing our emotions, to seek help from a and processing immediately.

26/06/2023

Have you ever heard your inner voice saying “I am not good enough, and what if others realize that I am faking it?” You could be experiencing . A Feeling of , or experiencing internal in response to . This feeling could stop one from experiencing the joy associated with their success. Imposter syndrome can be summarized as doubting one’s own , associated with a feeling of shame.

Imposter Syndrome was identified by Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, way back in 1978. Though this syndrome is not listed in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) clinical psychologists Clance and Imes have research evidence showing that both men and women experience this phenomena; specially if they have been high achievers they start judging themselves for not being able to contribute at the same pace.

Research has pointed towards a combination of factors which could be contributors. They are:

on being an overachiever, being raised by excessively critical parents or family members who are explicitly connected to a higher level of whether in academics or in any extracurricular activities associated with school during growing years.

status, , difference, physical appearance, ethnicity that make a person feel cast out, can also fuel imposter syndrome, because it causes an individual not to experience a sense of belonging even after situations have changed in their favor.

To overcome imposter syndrome, we must first gain of the adverse impact it is creating on our mind and body. To identify triggering thoughts journal them into two columns, one “ ” and the other “invalidating”. This will help refocus on , and aiding the development of a . Lastly, be kind to yourself, practice self-compassion which will empower you to grow.

19/06/2023

12/06/2023

04/06/2023

Feeling and experiencing an array of different kinds of emotions is a normal part of life for many, how we are able to manage these plays a crucial role in our physical and mental well-being. Many of us are very aware of our body’s reaction when there is an increase in stress, shallow breathing, increased heart rate or even an acidic reaction in the stomach.

A person could be experiencing , or however, their ability to recognize these feelings and to be able to self soothe or themselves enough where they feel that they are in control is called emotional . Managing strong emotions is a skill many of us must learn to master throughout our childhood and all the way into our adulthood. Lack of emotional self regulation, can cause negative reactions, which could lead to social repercussions such as damaging relationships with others due to an emotional outburst.

When we look at little children throwing tantrums, we do notice the guidance they receive from their caregivers or peers to help them understand if they are being reasonable in getting what they want or not. As the child grows older, they get encouraged to learn from similar situations, that help them make a well grounded behavioral choice, and this pattern in turn becomes second nature. For young people with developmental delays or adults who find it challenging to self-regulate emotions, this awareness can be achieved with the guidance of therapists and regular coaching as they encourage practice and repetition, while throwing light on the positive benefits.

Some tips to improve emotional self-regulation…

the disempowering thought that comes with the feeling, gradually shift it towards an empowering one. Be mindful and remember that changing a thought is easier, hence pay special attention to keeping the change.

in activities that help maintain the change and provide a sense of growth and achievement.

of your emotional needs but make time to take care of your physical needs too! Make sure you eat healthy and keep hydrated; doing at least 40 minutes of walking in the open; and getting a restful night of sleep. A healthy body is a fertile host to a healthy mind.

22/05/2023

We all are worth it! It might often surprise us, the reaction people display when they give or receive compliments. This could be because many of us are conditioned from an early age to be modest and not ‘show off’, which could be a reason why we tend to idolize others, instead of taking the time to celebrate our personal accomplishments or abilities to win over our own challenges.

Deflecting a compliment doesn’t make a person modest, whilst there are several other ways of displaying humbleness. Instead of cringing, gracefully accepting what other people feel about our appealing personal qualities, can be seen as a sign of modesty. In fact, by negating compliments, we may be dismissing our own ability and self-worth. A New York based social worker Lisa Schuman sums it well by saying, “sometimes it is hard because of social anxiety or low self-esteem.”

Hence:

By responding with a , we are showing respect to the person who has made an effort to observe what is special about us, a valuable trait that may have gone unnoticed by us too.

our negative self-talk, and our inner self-beliefs. This is not possible overnight, but as we become aware of our physical and emotional cues when our mental monologue begins, it could help us make a shift and accept compliments.

Accepting compliments can prove to be a very powerful motivational tool to building relationships and improve communication which in return will boost self-esteem and self-confidence. Hence developing such positive feelings can act as a pillar to healthy growth, both in our personal as well as professional life.

Each one of us works hard on whatever we undertake, then why should we dismiss the feedback that comes our way through complements. Let us all make a pledge to ourselves, as we read this article, to give ourselves a chance to see what others see and admire within us. I am sure this is going to empower us in an amazing way!

14/05/2023

Happy Mother's Day to all the proud mommas out there!

03/05/2023

and existing are philosophical perspectives on the lives we live and what we want from them, a perspective usually adopted or experienced in mid-life and towards the 60s, 70s and 80s.

Living can be associated with doing things that we always wanted to such as chasing and fulfilling our . When we decide to live, we decide to take full control or ownership of our life and emotions, with a conscious effort of not letting negative interfere with the we make.

On the other hand, is akin to breathing and being alive. By choosing to exist, the individual may not prescribe to a specific purpose in life and may be content regular mundane chores. Someone who has chosen to exist is more inclined to not take ownership for their decisions and could be more likely to let anger, fear and resentment dictate what they can and can’t do.

There are times when we all oscillate between living and existing but if we make a and take , focus on the present, recognize the power of NOW and take ownership of our decisions in the present then we would be living in the true sense of the term.

Enjoy and savor every moment by creating with clarity; allocate frequent breaks for , so that life does not become mechanical, and wake up with a purpose that could help build new meaningful memories.

In order to make the shift from existing to living we need to be able to

ourself the “why” question, “why am I doing this?” Or “why am I feeling this way?”

the skill of saying “No”. If you don’t want to or feel like doing something with a group or an individual, master the art of saying “no”, and don’t worry about what 'they' feel. Get in touch with your 'inner-self' instead and check on how you are feeling. Because that will help you find true as it will give more clarity and perspective to what needs to change.

go of many things that cause us stress could help overcome our triggers.

Now it is time to ask yourself…”Am I living or existing”

16/04/2023

Live life to the fullest. Enjoy the journey with all its bumps and inclines. It will teach you the skills you need to adapt on the go.

18/03/2023

We all have that inner voice that keeps criticising us constantly and does not let us be compassionate to ourselves. When we pay attention to this critical inner voice, we may be surprised to find it a culmination of voices of authoritative figures in our lives, internalized during childhood. This occurs especially in cases where basic emotional needs of care and compassion were not met.

As adults we have the choice and ability to rectify this, give ourselves the mental and emotional support we missed as children. Ensuring our hurt or lonely inner child feels heard and protected, helping us build a strong sense of self-esteem and self-worth, which could lead to us becoming more empowered adults.

Dr. Kristin Neff is the founder of the concept of self-compassion. Similar to the compassion we feel for others it encourages us to accept ourselves the way we are, instead of mercilessly judging ourselves.

Adults who experience a neglected childhood are seldom taught values or morals by their own families. Such adults usually learn the values of honesty, love and respect much later in life by observing the community around them. It begins with identifying the personal need for these values that help positively contribute to the larger society.

However, when executing this need we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we encounter setbacks. Here is where self compassion comes into play. It reminds us to be patient and pace ourselves. To nurture our whole self, to take a step back and observe our progress in self-healing. This mindfulness allows us to accept all our inner voices without judgement.

Being aware of self-sabotaging thought patterns, reminds us to use different lenses to look at our past stories and rewrite them, bringing in feelings of validation and reassurance that we are worthy.

17/02/2023

We recently celebrated Valentine’s Day; A day to celebrate our loved ones and one of the ways to do that is to understand their love language. Is it the same as ours? Or would it be something very different? When we are talking about relationships, whether it is with our partner, kids, extended family or in professional life, knowing the significant individual will benefit us with building and maintaining a strong dependable relationship.

Being a psychotherapist and a qualified NLP coach, I was introduced to this concept while I was training, which I developed further by reading Gary Chapman’s books. Understanding Love Languages is an amazingly effective tool to have, as it will help us choose better methods of communication.

plays an important role in our love language. Studies have proven that when infants and children are hugged they feel more secure. This contributes to the development of a healthier and stronger emotional bond. If physical touch is how you feel more loved, then this is your love language.

, words of encouragement or appreciation can be the primary love language for sensitive people, as it makes them feel encouraged and motivated. It is also an indirect way to nurture emotional intimacy, which plays a crucial role in relationships.

spent is irreplaceable, hence spending meaningful time together can be seen as a priceless gift by many. Receiving undivided attention and creating beautiful memories can be someone’s love language.

; working with couples I have noticed that there are beautiful instances where actions speak louder than words. For eg. If any action goes above and beyond, just to make their partner feel appreciated is viewed as an act of adoration. This falls under the category of ‘act of service’ and is also a love language.

; Some like to see a visual representation of their love and hence feel very special when they receive a gift of any kind. If this is what pleases you, then this is your love language.

Which of the above or a combination of them best describe your love language?

05/01/2023

Every new day, Every New Year is an opportunity to be and do better than yesterday...

May this New Year bring , , , and to you all!

25/12/2022

Wishing all my Clients & Followers and Very Merry Christmas!

12/12/2022

As humans, emotional intimacy and companionship are crucial to an individual's mental health and total wellbeing. They reduce stress, support a positive emotional state and even promote physical healing.

Unfortunately a large portion of our population are starved of intimacy due to a lack of societal and cultural support structures. In our contemporary society, heavily influenced by patriarchy; men have, for a long period of time, been ridiculed, shamed and even stigmatized for expressing social or emotional forms of intimacy towards each other. While women have been able to create strong, emotionally supportive intimate female bonds.

Men, due to social pressures and expectations to conform a masculine ideal, have been denied the same. Leading to a large number of men being prone to , maladaptive behavior, unhealthy and chronic related physical illness.

Recently there has been a growing cultural shift where men have been becoming more conscious of their need for social and emotional intimacy. Increased awareness of gender issues, sensitive gender socialization in schools and a holistic outlook have definitely contributed to this.

The smallest, simplest step towards becoming a part of this movement is a shift in perspective get to know the 'Human' first and view their a just one of the many aspects of who they are.



Trevor Noah
The Daily Show
Psychology Today

22/11/2022

As we go through life everyday it is easy to get disheartened, disengaged, disappointed with our day to day routines. To get when things just don't go our way.

Here is a gentle reminder to be , trust in the and a call for when we just can't seem to muster up the , and struggle to move forward in the face of ...

13/11/2022

Acknowledging another people's model of their world...

When you hear someone say “ this is my understanding of what you just said” or “in my world this is how it is” we need to understand that it is coming from the blueprint of their mindset. Hence while talking to someone, we need to be aware that the meaning of the message could change depending on the listeners , , , or that have formed due to their past exposures and . Many times we assume that our understanding is always the right one, however we need to be flexible enough to interpret it from different angles, thus initiating and maintaining positive communication.

Respecting the model of the world of others does not mean that we can understand it to the fullest, but it just means that we respect the similarities and differences that we can identify. Resulting in presenting one's opinion as just an opinion rather than the absolute truth creating a win- win situation.