Step Ahead Counselling

25/07/2023

Parentification occurs when parents look to their child for emotional and/or practical support, rather than providing it. Hence, the child becomes the caregiver and the roles are reversed. As a result, parentified children are forced to assume adult responsibilities and behaviors before they are ready and mature enough to do so.

Sally is the eldest child of 3 and grew up in a house where her Mum and Dad constantly fought about money. Her parents often involved Sally in their fights and she felt like she had to be the peacekeeper to protect her younger siblings.

Sally's Mum turned to Sally as a confidante and for support during these times and shared information with her that seemed advanced for her age. Sally wanted to be there for her Mum so would listen and try to help. Sally didn't want to cause her parents any problems so she made sure to help around the house, look after her siblings and even started delivering newspapers after school to help with the family's finances.

Sally wished she could just play after school like all her friends, but felt responsible for keeping the house running and looking after her siblings, especially as her Mum was often asleep and her Dad worked late. People told Sally she was so responsible and mature for her age, but they didn't know that Sally was always overwhelmingly anxious with stomach aches and headaches and often has depressive thoughts.

It was only later in life when Sally went to therapy for constantly attracting co-dependent partners, that Sally realised she went through parentification as a child.

Ahead Counselling

13/07/2023

Hi everyone! It’s been a minute and a lovely friend’s thoughtful gift was a timely reminder, that yes I have a business to run!

01/12/2022

Happy Friday everyone! What’s your Christmas mood? It’s Friday so im flirting between 2 & 3!

29/11/2022

Less than 4 weeks till Christmas! This time of the year can be overwhelming to many, so here's a friendly reminder that during this festive season, it's ok to:

- Not accept every social invitation
- Have boundaries around what you will and will not discuss eg fertility/your weight/ personal matters
- Not eat or drink anything that you do not want to. If you don't drink alcohol, it's ok to say 'no' to the egg nogg with brandy
- Maintain your physical boundaries from family member who make you uncomfortable

28/10/2022

Happy Friday everyone.. we are finally at the good part 🙏

27/10/2022

Though not as common as fight and flight, the freeze trauma response is one with which many people are familiar. When we face a situation so overwhelming that neither fight nor flight can protect us, our brains enter the freeze state. In nature, you might recognize it when an animal plays dead when faced by a predator.

Example: Lenny has been bullied at work, and he feels no one will listen. When he was younger his Dad used to mock him for being effeminate and he would stay quite during the abuse and allow his mind to take over and pretend he was someplace else. Now, when he is around the bully, he again lets his mind take him someplace else to a ‘safe space’ and he zones out till she goes away. A healthy way for Lenny to address this would be to keep the connection with himself during the trauma, by being mindful and present and by addressing the bullying with his manager. For Lenny is no longer the little helpless child without a voice.

20/10/2022

When a threat is too overwhelming to defeat, the immediate response may be to run away or escape from the perceived threat. This is the ‘flight’ trauma response and corresponds with avoidant behaviour.

Example of a healthy flight response: Nikhil’s Mother-in-Law has moved in with him and his wife, and he feels that she interferes, which causes stress in his marriage. Nikhil’s Mum and Dad fought a lot when he was young, and he would run away to his friend’s house to escape. Although Nikhil again wants to flee his house whenever he sees his mother-in-law, instead, as a healthy flight response, he goes for a jog when he is feeling overwhelmed at home and disengages from conversations with her that he feels are not helpful.

18/10/2022

When we tap into the 'fight' trauma response, we use aggression to control our emotions, surroundings and the people around us to protect ourselves from harm.

However, if it is used in a positive way the ‘fight’ trauma response can help you create boundaries, be assertive, find courage, lead, and protect yourself and others when necessary.

16/10/2022

It is normal to have strong emotional or physical reactions following a distressing event. Some stress is normal and can be helpful. On most occasions though, these reactions subside as a part of the body’s natural healing and recovery process.

Although we aren’t threatened by predatory animals as in the cave man days, we use those same evolutionary tools to protect ourselves in high-stress situations. When the brain taps into these tools, we enter states of mind that are different from normal waking consciousness.

This can be understood as the “trauma response.”

Trauma experts have identified four primary trauma responses, often referred to as ‘the four f’s.’: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn.

13/10/2022

Have you had your Vitamin D dose? Soaking up some sunlight can do wonders for your bones, blood cells, immune system and importantly, your mental health

I’ve been preaching about vitamin D for years. The link between mental health disorders + low levels of vitamin D has been well researched. A majority of adults are deficient. I think nutrient levels will be more of a focus in mental health treatment.

Part of the reason I loved to AZ was because of the sun. My body just feels better in it. I make sure I get out in the morning before noon. It helps with my sleep + moods.

Sadly, the sun has been vilified. And many people avoid it completely. It’s important to get sun in moderation— of course making sure not to burn.

If you live in a place without sunlight or where sunlight isn’t available, check with a doctor about supplementing

09/10/2022

The original emotions and energy from a traumatic event are trapped in our bodies. That is why a trigger and trauma response feel so real.

07/10/2022

Friday Funny! Please tell me you also thought it was (a very tall) Bert too?!