As a kid, I would see a rock and wonder what was under that rock. So, I would lift it up and look under… I suppose that curiosity has never left me. It’s been my greatest asset. It has led me to ponder great questions regarding life itself. I wanted to know why I was here. Why did I do the things I did? Why did I thirst for more?
At a young age, I was given the opportunity to fast track those questions: I found myself living out of a broken home at fourteen. I had to work out life and more so myself if I was to feel safe and secure in this world.
I went to a catholic school. This probably got me into more trouble than anything. When it came to religion, I questioned everything. I wanted to know more than just my faith. I wanted to know myself. I remember, at fifteen, outside of school I started to meditate and work with energy. I began to feel things from within. Over the next few years of my late teenage life, it was fun. Things worked out beautifully. I enjoyed myself and it all seemed exciting as I trusted what I was discovering within myself.
Then came that time when I finished school. I started to think about who I was to become and how I would survive beyond my school years. Things seem to get more serious.
When I left school, I immediately set out to find security, success, and creditability through the work, my career.
I threw myself into the world of property development. At the same time, I continued to explore my own self-awareness. I was a bit of a personal development ju**ie.
It all started with Anthony Robins and his courses, then Wayne Dwyer, Dr. John Demartini, Eckhart Tolle and others. I spent countless hours educating and teaching myself different tools, steps, and concepts. I also had other mentors in the property arena that I thought had what I was searching for. I aligned myself with them.
I became very successful quickly and found myself amongst some of Australia’s most famous and wealthiest people. I thought I had ‘arrived’ midway through my twenties. From the outside, it looked that way.
The only problem was: I felt farther away from filling that void within me. I found myself always expecting to arrive somewhere else other than in the present moment.
My identity and security were rooted in external things. This actually made me feel even more insecure, as I realised it could be taken away. I had made my life all about the things I had or didn’t have. I then became insecure about losing what I had and who I had become. I was obsessed with what people thought of me, my achievements, and the story of who I was to become. I was never happy just being myself.
I soon realized that all the personal development work I had been doing was just feeding my mind. As I became more conscious, so, too, did my ego. I had found a practical way to live the life I loved and, therefore, was not free. Love is not practical.
It wasn’t long before I found myself at rock bottom and very alone. In that moment, I realised I had a choice. I could either build my life up again according to all the steps, tools, and concepts, or I could embark on the journey I had not yet taken, the journey inward. I felt like I was back at that door I had come through in my mid-teens.
At my lowest, I discovered a voice from within. It felt truer than anything else I had come to learn. I found support in getting to know myself as that feeling which spoke to me. I started to trust it and live from it. My intuition became the greatest tuition I would ever give myself.
My direct experiences that unfolded through the coming years became so profound. They eventually led me home. I found security and safety not in the world, but within myself. The world outside of me started to reflect that. To get home, I had mentors and leaders that supported me in recognising and placing my attention on my truth. I was able to be myself, be vulnerable, and know my authentic, true self.
Today, that feeling is expressed through me in the things I love to do, not because those things give me a loving feeling, but because I already feel that love and trust how I feel to express it. Writing and speaking about my experiences and sharing the wisdom that comes from them, supporting those also interested in their own journey of truth: This is me living my dream right now because I feel alive when doing so and simply love it.
Thanks for taking the time to find out about me. I look forward to getting to know you and sharing your journey.
