Anchoring Your Life Counselling

05/09/2025

Studies using brain scans show that children exposed to intense parent or family conflict can develop brain patterns similar to those found in combat veterans.

The hopeful news? 💙 Brains are resilient - healing and change are always possible. Listen to my short video to learn more.

🔗 Read the UCL study here: https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2011/dec/maltreated-children-show-same-pattern-brain-activity-combat-soldiers

✨ If this resonates with you, follow for more tips, share this video, or reach out for support.

02/09/2025

Sometimes the ‘small’ arguments in a relationship aren’t really about the dishes or the groceries. They’re signs of deeper needs. In this video, I share how to look beyond the surface to understand what’s really happening underneath, and how that shift can change the way you connect. If this resonates, follow along for more relationship insights or reach out if you’d like support 💕

28/08/2025

🌿 In this video, I share about overwhelm - how it can show up in our everyday lives, how it seeps into our most important relationships and why it’s so necessary to tend to it.

Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with overwhelm.

Remember you’re not alone in this feeling 💛

25/08/2025

Have you ever seen the short video “It’s Not About the Nail”? I'm sure you'll have a really good laugh like I did 😄

It makes us laugh because it’s so relatable - we rush to fix when what our partner really needs is to feel heard.

Both Gottman research and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) remind us that relationships thrive not through problem-solving, but through empathy and understanding. When your partner shares something hard, the gift isn’t in offering a quick solution - it’s in slowing down, listening and reflecting their feelings back.

By saying things like, “That sounds tough. I get why you’d feel that way,” you help your partner feel heard, safe and valued. Over time, these acts of presence build trust, deepen closeness and create strength in your relationship.

So next time, pause the urge to pull that “nail” out - and just be there. Connection grows through empathy - not fixing 👩‍❤️‍👨

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/marriage-counselling-redlands

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIJYO4u5iug

20/08/2025

🍏 They say the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree… 🌿

I don’t often share personal news here, but this one feels too special not to. It’s not only aligned with the work I do every day with clients, but also close to my heart as a parent.

My son has just taken his next step in his psychology journey with a student placement while completing his Honours year, and I thought it perfect to share this news with all of you. As both a mother and a counsellor, I couldn’t be prouder to see him step into the mental health field and begin his own journey of supporting others 💛.

I’m looking forward to watching him continue to grow in this area and make his own difference in helping our community - even more than he already does now in his work with youth support.

He’s going to be an incredible psychologist for our young people - so watch this space ✨❤️

18/08/2025

I understand that not everyone can - or wants to - come into therapy. Life is busy and aside from ongoing costs, taking time off to get to all the appointments can feel impossible - especially for couples.

It's important to have options for everyone and that’s why I offer a short online program that does not require a lot of your time and will give you practical, evidence-based strategies tailored to your unique relationship. You can work through these skills at your own pace, in the privacy of your own home, regardless of where you live. Start building more safety, closeness and understanding with your partner - all without the pressure of regular sessions. And importantly, with the input of a couples counsellor who has training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. 🌿

If this feels like it could help you or someone you know, please send me an email or share my post and have them get in touch 💞

debra@anchoringyourlife.com
https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/contact

15/08/2025

Rituals help families stay emotionally connected – even on busy days

It can feel hard to find time for new rituals, and that’s okay! In fact, routines can actually save time and help you feel closer as a family. Anything can become a ritual.

Here are a few simple ways to connect each day:

☕Breakfast together: Even just 15 minutes of coffee or a simple bite with your partner can start the day connected.

🚙Car chats: Ask your kids or partner about their day, share highs and lows, or play word games on longer drives.

📽Screen-free movie time: Pick a film everyone can enjoy together instead of being on individual devices.

Rituals also help repair relationships after conflicts. A hug or kiss before bed, or before leaving for work, reminds everyone that connection matters more than the argument.

As children grow, small traditions become even more important for maintaining closeness. Talk with your partner and children and create little rituals that keep your family emotionally connected every day. ❤️

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/book-appointment

10/08/2025

We all carry an emotional history - a blueprint shaped by the home we grew up in.

Maybe emotions were welcomed and validated. Or maybe you were told to “toughen up” or “stop crying.”

These early experiences shape how we feel about our own feelings. Some of us see sadness as natural and safe. Others feel it’s uncomfortable or unnecessary.

When two people have different emotional blueprints, it can cause real misunderstandings. One might want to talk openly, while the other shuts down, avoids or tries to fix things - often leaving their partner feeling unseen.

Empathy must come before advice. We can’t truly support someone without first understanding and accepting their emotional world.

Small shifts can help:

💛Put your feelings into words
💛Ask open-ended questions
💛Respond with empathy, not solutions
💛Deepen the connection with compassion

If you want to know your 'meta-emotion' style, that is, how you feel about feelings and you’re ready to bridge that emotional gap in your relationship, let’s work together to create the understanding and connection you both deserve.

📩 Contact me to get started

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/marriage-counselling-redlands

07/08/2025

Life will change...

Health challenges, shifting roles and questions you didn’t expect to be asking. And when change hits, it can leave you feeling disconnected - from yourself and from the people you love.

This new blog explores how life transitions affect individuals and couples, why it can feel so hard and what you can do to stay emotionally connected through it all.

💬 Real-life examples
🧭 Practical tips
💛 Compassionate support

Grab a ☕ and learn how to grow through change 💌

Life will change - whether you’re in a relationship or walking your path alone. New jobs. Health challenges. Kids growing up. Losses. New dreams. Aging parents. These changes don’t ask permission - they arrive and shift the landscape of your life.For individuals and couples alike, change is one ...

03/08/2025

Want to Strengthen Your Relationship - With or Without Therapy? 💬❤️

If you and your partner keep circling the same issues or feel stuck in conflict, it doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. Many couples hesitate to reach out for support, thinking they should be able to fix things themselves. But needing help doesn’t mean failure - it means you care enough to work for change.

Couples therapy isn’t about blame; it’s about learning better ways to connect, repair and grow. And while finding a therapist with specialist training is important, not everyone feels ready to dive into therapy just yet.

That’s why my Self-Paced Relationship Toolkit is a great option. Taken from my work with Gottman Method Couples Therapy, You and your partner will walk away with professional insight on how to strengthen your relationship, which you can use in your own time - no pressure, no rush. Use the skills and strategies, personalised to you and your partner, where you need it the most and at your own pace.

🌿 Learn more here and get in touch if you have any questions: https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/relationshiphealthassessment

28/07/2025

Arguments don’t have to be a battle.

When disagreements rise, it’s easy for someone to slip into defensiveness or blame but the right words can shift everything.

Slowing down, softening your tone and choosing connection over being “right” can transform conflict into understanding. It’s not about avoiding hard conversations, it’s about how you have them.

With intention and care, defenses can be lowered, intensity reduced and emotional connection regained. Conflict handled well can actually deepen your relationship.

Here are 3 ways to do just that ✨
💫 Say what you do agree with - this keeps your conversation focused in a positive direction
💫 Take responsibility for any part that's yours - this de-escalates tension quickly
💫 Have a few deep breaths before speaking - this helps you to stay calm and think before reacting

Want to learn more? Let’s talk.

https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/marriage-counselling-redlands

22/07/2025

Affairs can shake the very foundation of a relationship - leaving behind pain, confusion and broken trust. But healing is possible.

Counselling offers a safe, supportive space to:
✨ Process the hurt
✨ Rebuild trust (if both partners choose to)
✨ Begin healing - individually or together

Whether you're reeling from betrayal or unsure what comes next -
there is hope and there is help.

📩 Contact me to learn more about how counselling can support you through this.
📅Appts available online and in Cleveland.



https://www.anchoringyourlife.com/counselling-after-an-affair

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs3MADjmVOw&fbclid=IwQ0xDSwLsGT9leHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHltLdKVVtVlouRvxhZnBoZOb6ycxjFJOMU0bkgDuLo1kuo4_kJ8dW0I8A4nY_aem_vSgDYJ6hUyHyq78rzs_d3wr

In this eye-opening video, Dr. Julie Gottman, co-founder of The Gottman Institute, delves into the complex issue of cheating in relationships. Drawing from d...