28/05/2026
I love agreeing to going out… and then the day comes and the anxiety starts. I can’t ever really say where it comes from or why…
… how will I get there ... … how do I leave ... will I have to leave on my own ... … how will I get home ... … how long will I be gone ... … what do I wear ... … what if I wear the wrong thing ... ... can I change clothes ... would that be weird ... … will there be somewhere quiet to go ... … what will I talk about ... ... what if I don’t want to talk ... … what if I say the wrong thing ... … will I make a fool out of myself ... … what if they laugh at me ... ... will they ignore me .... ... .... ....
Given the amount of internal sabotage going on in the lead up to leaving my house, getting me out the door takes a fair amount of effort. What I’ve learned is repetition and preparation is key.
🚗 Before we get there, I have a chat with the people I’m with about my get-away plan so there’s no surprises when I decide to head home.
👟 I ALWAYS dress comfortably or, if I feel like being dressy, I take a change of clothes.
🌀 I do a lap of the place to make sure I know somewhere I can disappear to if things get too noisy or if I just need a break.
🎡 I carry a fidget spinner. Holding something and the repetition of spinning calms me and focuses my thoughts.
🔇 The Loop dull the noise and is essential for inside venues where sensory overload wears me down super quickly.
📖 The Kindle I don’t need as much anymore because I’ve shared how I feel. Now I often have one or two people come find me and sit with me. Not out of pity, but because they feel the same way and it’s nice having a companion.
My going out kit is so far away from the kit I carried in my twenties that it’s unrecognisable. But this is me now, and I’m really grateful I had the space to work this out and the people around me who showed me it doesn’t matter that I might need a quiet space or a spinner. It doesn’t mean I love them less when I disappear for a bit. If anything, I love them more for accepting me as me.
What are your essentials for a night out? ✨