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Tuesday 12pm - 7pm Saturday 9am - 1pm

https://lightthewaycounselling.com/

Light the Way Counselling, Euroa (2026)

12/01/2026

What Secure Attachment Actually Looks Like When Two Secure People Are Dating 🫂

(And why it’s often quieter, slower, and more regulating than people expect)

When people imagine secure attachment, they often picture perfection.

No conflict.
No triggers.
No fear.
No misunderstandings.

But that image is not secure attachment — it’s avoidance disguised as peace.

Two securely attached people dating doesn’t mean nothing ever hurts.
It means nothing has to be avoided, controlled, or catastrophised.

Security isn’t the absence of discomfort.
It’s the capacity to stay present, honest, and regulated when discomfort arises.

🩵

Secure Attachment Is an Internal State First

Secure attachment is not something another person gives you.

It’s an internal orientation:

🌷 toward yourself

🌷 toward emotions

🌷 toward connection

🌷 toward repair

Two secure people come into dating already having:

🌿 a relationship with their inner world

🌿 emotional self-responsibility

🌿 nervous systems that can tolerate closeness and space

They don’t outsource safety to the relationship.
They bring safety into it.

🩵

The Pace: Slow, Intentional, and Unrushed

Secure dating often feels surprisingly calm.

Not boring — settled.

There is:

🌻 no urgency to define things prematurely

🌻 no pressure to perform closeness

🌻 no fear that slowness equals rejection

Interest is shown consistently, not intensely.

Instead of:

> “I need to know where this is going.”

You’ll hear:

> “I’m enjoying getting to know you.”

Instead of:

> “I don’t want to lose you.”

You’ll feel:

> “I trust that clarity will emerge.”

Secure people don’t rush intimacy to regulate anxiety — emotional or physical.

🩵

Communication: Clear, Direct, and Repair-Oriented

Two secure people say what they mean — kindly and honestly.

They don’t:

🪻hint

🪻test

🪻withhold

🪻manipulate

🪻wait for the other person to guess

They also don’t over-explain or justify their needs.

Needs are shared as information, not demands.

For example:

“I like consistency when dating — how does that feel for you?”

“I’m noticing I need more time between dates this week.”

“Something landed oddly for me earlier — can we talk about it?”

There’s no shame in needing clarification.
There’s no threat in being asked for it.

🩵

Conflict: Addressed Early, Gently, and Without Character Attacks

Secure couples don’t avoid conflict — they don’t dramatise it either.

When something feels off:

🍀 it’s named early

🍀 it’s discussed calmly

🍀 it’s not stored for later explosions

Disagreements stay specific.

Not:

> “You always do this.”
“This is who you are.”

But:

> “When this happened, I felt disconnected.”
“Here’s what I needed in that moment.”

They don’t assume malicious intent.
They don’t jump to abandonment or control.

They assume:

> “This is two nervous systems learning each other.”

🩵

Somatic Safety: How It Feels in the Body

Secure dating feels regulating in the nervous system.

You may notice:

🏵 steady breathing

🏵 relaxed shoulders

🏵 grounded energy

🏵 clear thinking

🏵 fewer intrusive stories

There may still be nerves — but not panic.

There’s excitement without obsession.
Connection without collapse.
Desire without self-abandonment.

When time apart happens, the body doesn’t spiral. When closeness deepens, the body doesn’t brace.

That’s not because attachment wounds never existed —
it’s because they’re being met internally, not outsourced.

🩵

Independence Without Disconnection

Two secure people:

🌺 have full lives outside the relationship

🌺 don’t rely on constant contact to feel okay

🌺 don’t interpret space as rejection

They don’t need to be chosen every moment to feel secure.

Time apart doesn’t trigger:

🌸 protest behaviours

🌸 withdrawal

🌸 punishment

🌸 silent testing

Space is neutral — sometimes nourishing.

🩵

Boundaries Are Natural, Not Defensive

Boundaries aren’t walls.
They’re clarity.

Secure people don’t apologise for boundaries — and they don’t punish others for having them.

Examples:

“I’m not available for last-minute plans.”

“I need consistency to keep dating.”

“I don’t move that fast physically.”

There’s no fear that a boundary will end the connection — because if it does, it wasn’t aligned anyway.

🩵

Emotional Responsibility: No One Is the Regulator

Secure people don’t expect their partner to:

🌼 fix their feelings

🌼 manage their anxiety

🌼 prove their worth

🌼 rescue them from discomfort

They self-soothe first, then relate.

They may share emotions — but not as a way to offload responsibility.

This is one of the biggest differences from insecure dynamics.

🩵

No Games, No Strategy, No Attachment Chess

There is no:

🌾waiting three days to text

🌾pulling away to gain interest

🌾trying to appear indifferent

🌾“winning” the relationship

Secure dating is straightforward.

Interest is shown.
Curiosity is mutual.
Effort is balanced.

There’s nothing to decode.

🩵

When Triggers Do Arise (Because They Will)

Secure people still get triggered.

The difference is:

🌵they notice it

🌵they pause

🌵they reflect

🌵they take ownership

Instead of:

> “You made me feel this way.”

It becomes:

> “This touched something old — I’m working through it.”

Triggers become invitations for self-awareness, not weapons.

🩵

Mutual Vision Without Fusion

Two secure people talk about the future — but they don’t cling to it.

There’s alignment without pressure:

🌱values

🌱intentions

🌱lifestyle preferences

They allow the relationship to unfold rather than forcing certainty too early.

🩵

What Secure Attachment Is Not

It is not:

🥀emotional numbness

🥀constant harmony

🥀perfection

🥀lack of vulnerability

🥀“never needing anyone”

Secure attachment is interdependence:

> “I can stand on my own — and I choose to walk with you.”

🩵

Why Secure Dating Can Feel Unfamiliar (or Even Uncomfortable)

For those used to anxious or avoidant dynamics, secure connection can feel:

💮 too calm

💮 too slow

💮 too uneventful

💮 “missing chemistry”

Often, what’s missing is nervous system activation, not attraction.

Peace can feel boring when your system is used to chaos.

🩵

A Closing Truth

Two securely attached people dating doesn’t look dramatic.

It looks:

🪷grounded

🪷mutual

🪷responsive

🪷emotionally safe

🪷quietly consistent

It’s not about intensity.

It’s about capacity.

Capacity to feel. Capacity to repair. Capacity to stay present. Capacity to choose connection without losing self.

And for many people, the most confronting part of secure attachment is this:

Nothing needs to be chased.
Nothing needs to be proven.
Nothing needs to be earned through suffering.

Connection simply grows — because both people are available for it.

🤍

By Brianna King,
Light the Way Counselling.

11/01/2026

Talk therapy has its place, but you can't think your way out of a feeling problem. This is why Somatic therapy like Embodied Processing is so helpful & necessary in your journey.

If you're ready to stop talking around in circles & finally feel, then please don't hesitate to book an Embodied Processing session with me 🩵

11/01/2026

🌄

11/01/2026

As many of you may know, we have been — and technically still are — in the red zone for fires. While our area has thankfully not been directly impacted (so far), the uncertainty and emotional weight of the past days have been very real for many of us.

My heart is with the families and individuals who have lost homes, livelihoods, stock, pets, and places holding generations of memories. I’m also holding deep compassion for the wildlife — both native and domestic — who are so often the silent victims in these events. 🐾

I also want to extend immense gratitude to the firefighters, volunteers, CFA, emergency services, and community members who have shown up tirelessly, often at great personal cost. Your courage, commitment, and care have meant more than words can express.

For those who don’t know me, we’re located out at Creek Junction, Victoria. Like many families, we are/were making decisions day by day, sometimes hour by hour. I personally left to Wangaratta for a couple of nights, while my husband stayed behind with some neighbours, keeping watch and supporting one another.

I want to speak honestly about that time — the tears I wept as we had to make decisions for our animals, choosing where to situate them for their best chance of survival. The responsibility weighed heavily. There were moments of standing still, kissing and hugging my husband, knowing it could have been the last time, and looking back at our home and land with the same quiet question. The uncertainty, the endless what ifs, and the helplessness sat constantly in my body.

There were moments of relief when fires shifted away from our direction — followed almost immediately by heartbreak and guilt knowing they were moving toward someone else’s home, land, or animals instead. Many of us have been holding conflicting emotions at once: fear, gratitude, grief, relief, sorrow, and exhaustion — all tangled together. We are back home for now, holding deep awareness that others are still navigating loss and displacement.

Even when we are spared physically, the nervous system doesn’t always feel safe. Many people are experiencing heightened anxiety, grief, emotional exhaustion, survivor’s guilt, or a constant sense of alertness. These responses are not weakness — they are very human reactions to prolonged threat and uncertainty.

As a local therapist, I want to offer free counselling sessions to anyone in the community who has been impacted — directly or indirectly — or who simply needs a safe place to talk, breathe, and be heard during this time. This includes support for grief, anxiety, fear, overwhelm, or simply making sense of the mixed emotions this season has brought.

You don’t need to be in crisis to reach out.
You don’t need the right words.
You don’t need to justify why this has affected you.

If this feels supportive, please feel free to text me to organise a session or to ask any questions.

0439 776 040 🤍

Please continue to look after yourselves, check in on one another, and stay informed as conditions change. Communities are strongest when we hold one another through times like this.

With care and solidarity,
Brianna King.

10/01/2026

🌱

07/01/2026

The Voices We Learned to Call Our Own 🌱

Before you ever had a voice inside your head,
someone else was speaking to you. 🕊️

They spoke to you when you cried.
When you needed.
When you rested.
When you made mistakes.
When you were too loud, too slow, too sensitive, too much — or not enough.

And slowly, quietly, lovingly or harshly,
their voice became yours. 💭

This is what Pete Walker speaks to so tenderly in his book
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. (I highly recommend this book!)

Our inner voice is not born from truth.
It is borrowed.

☆

The Inner Critic: A Parent Still Living Inside You 🧠💔

The inner critic is not your essence.
It is not wisdom.
It is not intuition.

It is the echo of how love was offered — or withheld.

It sounds like:

“Don’t be lazy.”

“You should know better.”

“You’re embarrassing.”

“If you rest, something bad will happen.”

“Try harder or you’ll lose everything.”

This voice did not come from nowhere.
It came from tone.
From looks.
From silence.
From love that was conditional.
From safety that depended on performance.

As children, we did what we had to do to stay connected. 🤍
We swallowed their voice whole —
because losing ourselves felt safer than losing them.

☆

The Outer Critic: Armour Built From Disappointment 🛡️

For some, the voice turns outward.

Instead of attacking the self, it hardens against others.

It says:

“People are useless.”

“Don’t trust anyone.”

“They’ll let you down.”

“I don’t need anyone.”

This isn’t arrogance.
It’s grief wearing armour.

When closeness once hurt,
distance felt like survival.

So the critic learned to push away
before anyone could leave. 🚪

☆

Both Critics Come From the Same Place 🌑

Pete Walker reminds us:
The inner and outer critic are born from the same wound.

A nervous system shaped in an environment where:

Safety was inconsistent

Emotions weren’t welcomed

Needs were burdens

Love had to be earned

These critics weren’t created to punish you.
They were created to protect you —
by keeping you small, alert, pleasing, or untouchable.

They learned fear, not truth.

☆

Why the Voice Feels So Convincing 🔊

Because it spoke first.

Because it spoke when you were young.
Because it spoke when you had no choice but to listen.
Because it once kept you connected to the people you depended on.

The body remembers:
“If I don’t police myself, something bad will happen.”

So the critic stays vigilant.
Relentless.
Exhausting.

Not because it hates you —
but because it doesn’t know you’re safe now.

☆

Healing Isn’t Silencing the Voice 🌿

Healing is meeting the voice with compassion —
not obedience.

Pete Walker doesn’t ask us to destroy the critic,
but to update it.

To gently say:

“That was then.”

“I’m not a child anymore.”

“I don’t need to be perfect to be safe.”

“I can rest and still belong.”

“I can feel and survive.”

This is re-parenting. 🤍
This is teaching the nervous system a new language.

☆

The Voice Softens When the Body Feels Safe 🌊

Critics grow loud during emotional flashbacks —
when the body feels small, powerless, unseen again.

Healing happens slowly:

Through grief

Through anger that was never allowed

Through tenderness for the child who adapted so well

Through learning how to speak to yourself differently

The critic quiets when it finally trusts:
Someone is here now.

You are. 🌟

☆

A Pause for Gentle Self-Reflection 🪞

Before you move on, take a moment to listen inward:

When you make a mistake, what tone does your inner voice use?

When you’re tired, does your voice allow rest — or demand more?

When you feel emotional, does the voice comfort you or shame you?

Does your inner dialogue sound more like encouragement…
or more like criticism you once received?

If you spoke to a child the way you speak to yourself,
how would that child feel?

These questions aren’t here to judge you.
They’re here to reveal what was learned —
so it can finally be unlearned. 🤲

☆

A Gentle Truth to Hold ✨

If your inner voice is cruel,
it doesn’t mean you are broken.

It means you learned to survive in an environment
that required self-abandonment.

And now,
you are learning something radically new:

How to belong to yourself. 🤍

☆

Soft Disclaimer 🌸

This writing is psychoeducational and reflective in nature. It is not a replacement for therapy or medical support. Trauma healing is deeply personal — please continue your own research and seek professional care when needed.

By Brianna King,
Light the Way Counselling.

06/01/2026

When Your Old Coping Mechanisms Stop Working..

And life feels empty before it feels true..

There is a moment on the healing path that feels terrifying if you don’t know what it is.

The things that once helped you cope no longer soothe you.
Distraction doesn’t distract.
Busyness doesn’t fill the ache.
Achievement doesn’t land.
Relationships, substances, productivity, approval — they all stop working.

Life feels flat. Heavy. Empty.

And it’s easy to think: “Something is wrong. I’m getting worse.”

But often, something very different is happening.

Everything that no longer serves your truth is quietly falling away — so you can no longer avoid what needs to be felt, tended to, and lived from the inside out.

---

This Is Not Regression — It’s Revelation 🌄

From a trauma-informed lens, this phase isn’t collapse.
It’s de-identification.

Your nervous system is no longer willing to be regulated by strategies that once protected you but now keep you disconnected from yourself.

The false scaffolding comes down.
And without it, you’re left face-to-face with yourself.

That’s not failure.
That’s readiness.

---

The Emotions That Appear Here ❤️‍🔥

This stage is often marked by emotions people fear or judge:

Emptiness

Grief

Irritability

Numbness

Restlessness

Quiet despair

These feelings aren’t signs that life has lost meaning.
They are signs that false meaning has dissolved.

You’re no longer numbing, bypassing, or over-functioning your way around your inner world.

And that can feel unbearable before it feels liberating.

---

True Self vs False Self 🎭

The false self is not fake — it’s protective.

It formed around core wounds like:

“I’m not enough as I am.”

“I must earn love.”

“My needs are a burden.”

“If I stop, I’ll be abandoned.”

The false self learns to:

Perform

Please

Achieve

Control

Endure

Stay useful

It keeps you safe — until it doesn’t.

The true self doesn’t shout.
It doesn’t strive.
It doesn’t perform.

It waits.

And when the false self exhausts itself, the true self finally has space to be felt.

---

Why Life Feels Empty Here 🌫

Emptiness is not the absence of self.
It’s the absence of distraction from self.

When coping mechanisms fall away, the psyche is saying:

> “You can’t outsource regulation anymore.”

The emptiness is a threshold — not a destination.

It’s the space where you learn to meet yourself without armour.

---

Needs: Core Wound vs Authentic Needs 🧭

One of the most confusing parts of this phase is not knowing what you actually need anymore.

Needs from Core Wounds Often Feel Like:

Urgency

Desperation

Tightness in the body

“I need this now or I’ll fall apart”

Seeking relief from yourself

These needs are usually driven by old beliefs about survival, worth, or abandonment.

Authentic Needs Feel Like:

Grounded clarity

Soft insistence rather than panic

Expansion rather than contraction

A sense of “this would support me”

Turning towards yourself, not away

The body tells the truth.
Core-wound needs activate.
Authentic needs regulate.

Learning the difference is part of maturation — not something you should already know.

---

Identity Is Re-Forming Here 🏞

When coping mechanisms fall away, identity often follows.

You may ask:

“Who am I without this?”

“What’s left if I stop striving?”

“What do I actually want?”

This can feel destabilising because identity built around survival feels solid — even when it’s painful.

But identity rooted in truth is quieter. Less impressive. Far more alive.

---

Boundaries Begin to Change 🚧

As the false self loosens, boundaries often shift naturally.

You may:

Say no where you once over-gave

Step back from dynamics that drain you

Disappoint people who benefitted from your self-abandonment

Feel guilt — and hold it anyway

Boundaries at this stage aren’t rigid.
They’re protective.

They create space for your true self to exist without being overridden.

---

Expectations Are Being Rewritten ✏️

Old expectations often sound like:

“I should be further along.”

“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

“I need to get back to how I was.”

But how you were required a version of you that is no longer sustainable.

Healing asks for new expectations:

That growth is nonlinear

That rest is productive

That emptiness precedes clarity

That becoming takes time

---

The Stages of Awakening (As Lived) 🔎

This phase often sits within a broader awakening process:

1. Rupture – Old ways stop working

2. Disorientation – Identity loosens

3. Emptiness / Descent – Coping falls away

4. Insight – Patterns become visible

5. Surrender – Less forcing, more listening

6. Integration – New ways of being emerge

7. Embodied Presence – Life becomes quieter, truer

People often try to skip stage three.

But it’s the compost layer.
Nothing grows without it.

---

A Gentle Reframe 🌈

If your old coping mechanisms aren’t working anymore, it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means:

You’re no longer willing to abandon yourself

Your system is asking for truth over relief

You’re ready to live from the inside out

What feels like emptiness is often space.

Space to feel.
Space to choose differently.
Space to become who you were never allowed to be.

---

Disclaimer ⚠️

This blog is for educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual therapy, diagnosis, or medical care.

While I am a therapist, I always encourage readers to do their own research, seek qualified professional support, and trust their own discernment when navigating their healing journey.

Nothing is “wrong” with you for being here.
This is a known — and meaningful — part of becoming whole.

By Brianna King,
Light the Way Counselling.

06/01/2026

🎀

05/01/2026

❤️‍🔥

04/01/2026

When We Blame Teenagers Instead of Looking in the Mirror 💔

There is a quiet tragedy unfolding in many families.

A teenager is struggling — with addiction, anxiety, rage, withdrawal, rebellion —
and the response is to diagnose the child.

Labels are applied.
Pathology is searched for.
Experts are consulted.

But rarely do we ask the harder, more compassionate question:

What happened in the relationship that made this coping necessary?

This is not about blame.
It’s about responsibility — and healing.

What Gabor Maté Keeps Reminding Us 🧠

Gabor Maté is clear:
addiction is not the problem — it is an attempt to solve a problem.

Children don’t turn to substances, screens, risky behaviour, or numbing because they are broken.
They turn to them because something inside hurts.

Addiction, rebellion, and shutdown are adaptations — not moral failures.

Maté teaches that we must stop asking:
“What’s wrong with this child?”

And start asking:
“What pain are they trying to soothe?”

Gordon Neufeld: Kids Need Attachment Before They Need Correction 🤍

In Hold On to Your Kids, Neufeld reminds us that children are wired for attachment.

When that attachment with parents weakens — through emotional absence, chronic stress, disconnection, or premature independence — children don’t stop needing closeness.

They just look elsewhere.

Peers.
Substances.
Dopamine.
Rebellion.

Teenagers who are acting out are often not rejecting their parents —
they are grieving the connection they didn’t feel safe asking for.

🌫 The Myth of the “Bad Teen”

It’s easier to believe: “They’re just difficult.” “They’re lazy.” “They’re addicted.” “They’re defiant.”

Because looking there keeps us from looking here.

From noticing:

- Emotional unavailability

- Chronic busyness

- Conditional love tied to behaviour or success

- Expectations that ignored developmental needs

Teenagers don’t wake up one day and decide to self-destruct.

Something slowly disconnected long before the behaviour appeared.

❤️‍🩹 Core Wounds Beneath Teen Behaviour

Many teens carry wounds that were never named:

“I’m only valued when I perform”

“My feelings are too much”

“I have to handle things alone”

“Love is conditional”

These wounds don’t come from one big failure —
they form through patterns.

And behaviour is how those wounds speak.

Parents’ Unmet Needs & Secondary Gains ⚠️

This is uncomfortable, but necessary.

Sometimes diagnosing the child meets an unconscious parental need:

- Relief from guilt

- A sense of control

- External validation (“we tried everything”)

- Avoidance of one’s own trauma

The secondary gain of pathologising a teen is that it protects the parent from asking: How did my own wounds shape this dynamic?

That question requires courage.

Emotions We Don’t Want to Feel 😔

Underneath parental anger is often:

- Grief

- Shame

-Helplessness

- Fear of having “failed”

Blame can feel safer than sorrow.

But teens don’t need parents who are defended.
They need parents who are emotionally present.

🧩 Attachment Styles & Parenting Patterns

Parents with unresolved attachment wounds may:

- Avoid emotional depth (“They’ll grow out of it”)

- Control behaviour instead of addressing needs

- Collapse into permissiveness out of guilt

- Expect emotional maturity their child doesn’t yet have

Teens respond accordingly — with distance, rebellion, or numbing.

This isn’t about bad parenting.
It’s about unexamined parenting.

Boundaries Without Relationship Don’t Heal 🚧

Boundaries matter — but not without connection.

Rules without relationship feel like rejection.
Consequences without curiosity feel like abandonment.

Healthy boundaries are held within attachment, not instead of it.

A teenager who feels emotionally safe can tolerate limits.
A disconnected teen experiences limits as threat.

💔 Expectations That Break the Nervous System

Many teens are carrying expectations that exceed their emotional capacity:

- Be resilient

- Be motivated

- Be grateful

- Be independent

But independence without attachment creates fragility, not strength.

Neufeld reminds us:
dependency is the pathway to true maturity.

A Call Inward 🌱

This is not a call to shame parents.

It’s a call to do the work before blaming the child.

To ask:

Where did I emotionally withdraw?

Where did I expect my child to meet my unmet needs?

Where did I prioritise behaviour over relationship?

What wounds of my own are being triggered right now?

Because healing does not begin with fixing teenagers.

It begins when parents are willing to soften, reflect, and reconnect.

Teenagers Don’t Need to Be Fixed 💞

They need to be held — emotionally, relationally, developmentally.

They need parents who are brave enough to say: “I don’t have this all figured out.” “But I’m willing to stay.” “And I’m willing to look at myself too.”

That willingness alone can change everything.

Because when parents stop asking
“What’s wrong with my child?”

and start asking
“What happened between us — and how can we heal it?”

the nervous system relaxes.
Attachment repairs.
And behaviour no longer has to scream to be heard.

----

Book recommendations 📖

'Hold onto your kids' by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Mate.

'The origins and healing of ADD' by Gabor Mate.

'In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts' by Gabor Mate.

----

By Brianna King,
Light the Way Counselling.

04/01/2026

Parenting From Wholeness, Not From Wounds 🌄

Many of us don’t realise that we begin parenting long before we have children.
We begin the moment our own unmet needs learn how to survive.

As Shefali Tsabary teaches, parenting is not about raising a child —
it is about raising consciousness.

Our children do not come to be shaped by us.
They come to reveal us.

And what they reveal, often gently and sometimes painfully, are the parts of us that learned to adapt in order to be loved.

⚘️ If You Grew Up Feeling You Weren’t Good Enough

If you grew up with the quiet belief that you were never quite enough —
not clever enough, not calm enough, not easy enough —
that belief didn’t disappear when you became a parent.

It simply changed shape.

It may show up as:

Overcorrecting your child’s behaviour

Feeling triggered by their emotions

Taking their struggles personally

Needing them to “do well” to feel okay

Shefali reminds us that when we parent from this wound, we unconsciously ask our child to prove our worth — to succeed where we felt we failed.

But children were never meant to carry that weight.

Parenting from wholeness means recognising that your worth is not waiting to be healed by your child’s achievements.

🥀 If You Learned to Please Others to Earn Approval

If love felt conditional growing up, you likely became skilled at pleasing.

Reading the room.
Anticipating needs.
Becoming what was required to stay connected.

That pattern doesn’t vanish in parenthood.

It can show up as:

Difficulty setting boundaries with your child

Guilt when you say no

Fear of your child’s disappointment

Over-accommodating to avoid conflict

Shefali speaks often about how parents confuse love with self-abandonment.

But pleasing is not presence.
And compliance is not connection.

Children do not need parents who erase themselves.
They need parents who model self-respect, emotional truth, and integrity.

🛡 The Ego in Parenting

One of Shefali’s most confronting teachings is this:
much of parenting is driven by the ego.

The ego wants:

Validation

Control

A sense of success through the child

When a child’s behaviour threatens the ego, we react — not because the child is wrong, but because our identity feels unsafe.

Conscious parenting asks us to pause and ask: What is being activated in me right now?

This question alone can change everything.

🪞 Parenting as a Mirror

Your child’s resistance may mirror your own suppressed voice.
Their emotional intensity may reflect feelings you were never allowed to express.
Their need for autonomy may stir the part of you that was never given permission to choose.

Shefali teaches that children don’t trigger us by accident.
They invite us into healing.

Not so we can fix them —
but so we can free ourselves.

✨️ From Wounded Reaction to Conscious Response

Parenting from wounds sounds like: “Why are you doing this to me?” “You’re making this so hard.” “I just want you to behave.”

Parenting from wholeness sounds like: “What is this moment asking me to notice?” “What does my child need — and what do I need?” “How can I stay connected without abandoning myself?”

Wholeness doesn’t mean calm all the time.
It means awareness instead of autopilot.

💟 Reclaiming Your Own Enoughness

When you stop asking your child to fill the gaps in your own story, something profound happens.

You soften. You listen. You respond rather than react.

Your child no longer needs to perform for your approval —
because you are no longer performing for theirs.

Shefali reminds us that the most healing gift we can offer our children is not perfection.

It is presence.

🌈 Parenting as Liberation

Conscious parenting is not about doing more.
It is about seeing more.

Seeing where you learned to shrink.
Seeing where you learned to please.
Seeing where love became something to earn.

And gently choosing a different way.

When you parent from wholeness, your child learns something powerful without being taught:

That love is not conditional.
That worth is not negotiated.
That being fully themselves is safe.

And perhaps most beautifully —
that healing can move forward, not just back through generations.

Because your child is not here to complete you.
They are here to wake you up.

By Brianna King,
Light the Way Counselling.

Light the Way Counselling

12/01/2026

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