Erika-Lee Shaw, Fremantle (2025)

10/07/2023

‘Therapists shouldn’t judge.’
Swipe to see the face of judgement! 🤣

I am kidding. I endeavour to create a safe environment for all my clients to share anything they need to. And I like to think I’ve gotten pretty darn good at the art of non-judgement. It’s actually one of the reasons I became a counsellor, I felt like I had that ability from a young age naturally and wanted to use that to help others.

However, to say I never judge or am always free of judgement is unrealistic and untrue. We humans make judgements all the time and anyone who says they don’t, well, tell them to come and see me haha.

Ways I deal with my own judgement are:

1. Therapy! I am regularly doing the work myself either in professional supervision or my personal therapy sessions.

2. Create an open and honest dialogue with my clients, where I share my thoughts on their stories if I feel I need to, so I ensure the assumptions and judgements I am making are correct/aligned with what they are telling me. I want my clients to feel they are included in the therapeutic process so we can work together to unpack what they bring in.

3. Laughter. I like to dispel the assumption that therapists are clinical and sessions are always tough and hard and boring. Sometimes, my clients and I make each other laugh and it’s all part of the process.

08/07/2023

I think a common misconception around vulnerability is that it means we need to express our unfiltered emotions whenever we are conversing or connecting with others.

The truth is, acting in this way can damage our relationships and create distance where we didn’t intend to, if we express and unload too often without checking that our loved ones have space to hold us.

The other truth us, we know that sharing our raw and unfiltered emotions with our trusted people can be a good thing, but is it true vulnerability?

One of my favourite explanations of vulnerability in human relating comes from Brene Brown. She speaks about the courage it takes to be truly vulnerable and what it means. She speaks to the presence of known and unknown outcomes. Simply put: expressing to a person you know is going to support and agree with you is very different from expressing to someone when you don’t know what the outcome will be.

So for me, true vulnerability is not just about expressing emotions (eg. Crying in front of a trusted friend). It is about speaking your truth, naming a boundary or standing up for yourself even when you don’t know if that person (or people) will agree and/or be able to meet your need.

Being truly vulnerable takes a lot of courage.

**Disclaimer: this post is shared with the intention of helping you think about your relationships. What I am describing is very situation/context dependant and is not always safe for everyone eg. In cases where physical, emotional, financial or any other forms of abuse may occur.

08/08/2022

🍑 🍑 🍑

19/04/2022

👇👇👇

31/03/2022

Hello 👋

It’s been a while since I posted so I thought I’d share a recent, humbling and exciting experience.

I had the privilege of being asked to return to Curtin University to deliver a talk to undergrad and post grad students on my education and both past and current work experience.

It was a pleasure to be back on the old stomping ground and meet a cohort of passionate humans who are sitting (literally and figuratively) where I sat many years ago.

I take a moment each day to feel grateful that I get to work in the space that I do. Thank you to those who trust me to work with you.
Curtin University
WAAC

*xology *xtherapy *xualhealth *xed *xeducation *xologist *xpositivity

27/11/2021

How I’m spending my morning before marching in Perth’s 30th Pride 🌈

on s*xual attraction and gender fluidity.

Are you open to perspectives that are radically different from your own?

I speak to a lot of people who are very confused by what I do and why. When asked for my advice on where to start with ‘this whole LGBTIQA+ thing,’ it always boils down to, start somewhere and start now.

I’m here to tell you it’s ok if you don’t know everything/anything and it makes you uncomfortable. What’s important is that you challenge and move through that discomfort.

Here are some tips to get started on learning more about the LGBTIQA+ community:
➡️ look up one letter from the LGBTIQA+ acronym a day (including the +) by next week, you’ll know what they all mean
➡️ share one thing a week you’ve learned with a friend or colleague
➡️ follow 5 accounts that are dedicated to LGBTIQA+ information, education and support:

➡️ put your pronouns on your Instagram profile or next to your name on your email signature (if you don’t know what pronouns are, google that today)

I personally and professionally embrace radical change and challenging discussions. But I also acknowledge that these aren’t for everyone. You can still be part of the change in your way.

What I see so often is people not feeling like they are ready to wave a rainbow flag and use all the new language they are learning in a discussion, so therefore feel overwhelmed and turn away from learning anything or starting to look into things.

Take your time, move slow if you need to. But don’t do nothing 🙏

26/10/2021

Thank you to Jade Jurewicz for the interview and feature in The West Australian.

It was a pleasure (pardon the pun) to be invited to give my opinions on s*x positivity and the importance of pleasure inclusive s*x education.

Featured alongside the management of Vush and Adore Beauty - this article sheds light on the increasing accessibility and acceptance for self pleasure as a normal part of life. Seeing this in a newspaper, especially normalising it for women, is such a great feeling. My inner young person is smiling so wide right now.

I believe a lot of this liberation comes down to education. Education, education, education. Pleased that some of my inspirations were also named in the article.

Thank you for what you do Esther Perel, Dr Karen Gurney and Dr. Jen Gunter for what you do.

29/06/2021

How do you feel during lockdown?

Some countries have been in lockdown for months on end, others don't have a lockdown strategy. Here in Perth, our lockdowns come sporadically and with increasingly less warning each time (perhaps a bid to calm the usual panic buy?) which seems to spark a lot of publicly expressed frustration... Cue: mass eye roll.

We've been privileged here in WA, we haven't experienced the wild death tolls or entrapment in our own homes for enlogated periods of time.

Yet, I can sense something subconscious and insidious happening for Australians: the fishbowl effect. We are safe in our bubble, witnessing the devastation that this pandemic is causing the rest of the world. This creates an unsettling feeling; a quiet, constant dis-ease that we can't shake off.

I hope everyone is staying safe. I emplore you to reach out to friends and loved ones, check in. This pandemic is affecting the world, perhaps in different ways, but no less notable.

There are many services available online, including my own. Both private practice, community and free services can be found. If you know of any, (particularly free) that can be found via this platform, feel free to share below.

We're all in this together.
E x

Addition: I'm aware that not all Australians have been safe. Some have been greatly affected and even lost their lives or a loved one. My comments are a generalisation across countries comparatively, not a statement meant to bypass individual experiences.

10/06/2021

From a young age, our experiences of love, what we notice in love between others and societal norms around love and relationships shape our goals and dreams for what we want love to look like.

We come to develop an idea of what the 'perfect' relationship looks like.

For many, the list goes something like: the way we first meet, the first date, the person, their eyes and they way they look at you, how they get on with your friends and family, the life you build together, the house, the car, the joint savings account, the proposal, the wedding, the family photo album, holding hands in the street, how happy you are together, the sunset walks, the look on your parent's face when you tell them you're having a child...

These all come with images created in our minds.

So often we prioritise these visions, we feel accomplished when these fantasies become reality. We wait for these specific markers that we have come to associate with a great relationship, to happen in order to feel loved and successful in this relationship.

However, life does not always run smoothly. Things don't always happen the way we've planned. S**t hits the proverbial fan, or things can turn out better than we thought, if we let it.

I talk about this idea with many of the couples who walk through my doors: your relationship looks like what you pictured, but it isn't satisfying you the way you thought it would. What can we do about this?

Vice versa; your relationship might not look like what you imagined, but does that mean it's any less successful? How is striving for the image keeping you from enjoying what's happening for you?

Many feel held back by these fantasies: "we can't possibly do that, it's not what people 'in love' do." Or; "we've failed because we couldn't make 'xyz' work."

Are you willing to let go of what society tells you great relationships look like, in order to improve what your relationship feels like?

17/05/2021

⁉️ Let's Talk About What ⁉️

An online workshop for parents and caregivers. Learn how to have THAT conversation.

Are you a parent or caregiver who's children are asking them questions they have no idea how to answer? Never fear, I have created a workshop to help! And you can attend from the comfort of your own home.

Learn how to answer questions or start the conversation with confidence and ease.

We'll discuss why it can feel so uncomfortable to talk to your kids about s*x and what you can do about it.

You'll get pre and post workshop contact as well as scenarios with examples of exactly how to manage them.

You can choose to remain anonymous during the live stream, interact and ask questions or even watch the recording for up to a week post workshop.

I look forward to seeing/hearing you all next month.

E x

08/07/2020

SASSY OVERHAUL 💁🏼‍♀️

The S*x Ethic took a social media breather, but it's back with a bang and a new look!

Covid-19 restrictions sent everyone into a spin. We all felt the pinch, the push, the pull and the pain. Things seem OK here in WA but that doesn't mean the rest of the world goes unnoticed.

Those that have the ability, must pull up their proverbial adult pants and truck on.

The S*x Ethic is sending love to everyone and is looking forward to being back online regularly to fill your feeds with news, information and tools to continue your self love and exploration, even during uncertain times.

Erika-Lee Shaw

10/07/2023

08/07/2023

08/08/2022

19/04/2022

31/03/2022

27/11/2021

26/10/2021

29/06/2021

10/06/2021

17/05/2021

08/07/2020

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