08/08/2023
Happy lion’s gate manifesting 🦁 📔
This year, I just let myself free-write. 😂🤝 Freudian field day.
~ 08/08
I have a desire to speak but I can’t talk the words. My mental landscape feels like a desert wasteland. Nothing is happening in my head. It feels like I’m not operating properly. I should be afraid, but I’ve been here before - resting quietly in the pauses between big moments. An eerie sort of stillness brewing.
Why do I want to say something so badly? What will it change? The more I tune into the sensation, the more I conjure images of a part of myself sitting in a tiny dark room deep in the back of my mind.
Is something repressed? The experience makes me feel like exploding. Like there is too much energy in the idea of it, I have to stop there. And my words stop, too.
I try to imagine feelings of restraint and confinement melting off my skin and all things around me melting like butter in the sun. And that feels more graceful then exploding.
I’m left exposing a raw, new skin to the elements. Feeling everything more intensely. Light piercing my eyes, wind moving through me. My cells burning energy. A sort of sensitivity to life that proves I am alive.
I feel the weight of needing to survive, that’s not new. But I kinda enjoy the adrenaline of courage as I move through fear, to feel the power of my choices. I can create.
There’s no rage, but it feels similar. A wild kind of wonder that anchors me here to life on earth. I feel consciousness crawling under my skin, like my body is shared property and couldn’t leave even if tried.
I find myself sucked into a new dimension where every moment is unknown. And I asked for this, like I had a sense of knowing. But nothing is familiar.
Eyes that are a part of me but not my own, make contact down to my core. And I hear the communication of all things hidden in silence. A rediscovery of the origin point where life begins and ends, an elastic fabric that connects the two. A portal, a rabbit hole where I endlessly fall and stand still at the same time. Purposeless but meaningful.