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heal.with.kara, Gold Coast (2025)

18/09/2021

Sharing for those who may need to read this today ♥️

It's not you. The fact that you’re struggling to enjoy motherhood has less to do with you than it does the inadequate support structures in the culture surrounding you.

You may be isolated in your home, but you are far from alone in your struggle. I've heard enough heart-wrenching tales from enough soul-starved mothers now to be able to say, beyond a doubt, that this is a collective struggle. It’s an epidemic. It’s systemic grief we're all feeling.

Motherhood is meant to be experienced within the loving embrace of sisterhood. Just as trees grow stronger and taller with their roots intertwined and their canopies overlapped for protection, we thrive together in ways that simply aren't possible alone.

The fact that you're overwhelmed, worn out, and struggling to enjoy the very same children you would give your life to protect, is not a reflection of your inadequacies or lack of heart. It's a reflection of your many unmet needs within a culture that banks on your disempowerment.

We've got to be more gentle with ourselves. Without self-compassion (and loads of it), we're especially susceptible to the lies that have us blaming ourselves for what is actually the fault of an oppressive capitalist machine driven by patriarchy and white supremacy.

Don’t buy the lies. You are enough, and you’re doing a beautiful job. 🌿

*photo credit Jote Khalsa

13/05/2021

Sharing for anyone who might need this today, I know I do!

Babies do not need to be taught on how to link their sleep cycles. (they already know how to link sleep cycles.). All babies sleep in cycles of between forty-five and sixty minutes (depending on their age). Babies over four months cycle through four stages of sleep, just like adults.The difference is, adults can connect their sleep cycles without needing any assistance. Some babies can connect their sleep cycles without any help while the majority of babies still need assistance to go back to sleep. Babies wake up because of hunger, thirst, pain, fear, discomfort, a need for human contact, or a wet diaper. This is why when a baby wakes up at the end of their sleep cycle they need their parents' consistent support and responsiveness to assist them back to sleep if something does alert them to awake

Stage 1 Falling Asleep - the first 10 minutes: Eye movement begins to slow down and your baby begins to fall asleep.

Stage 2 Light Sleep - minutes 10 - 20 : The second stage of sleep is still light. Brain waves begin to slow down, but your baby is still easily startled at this time.

Stage 3/4 Deep Sleep - minutes 20 - 30: Then your baby moves into restorative deep sleep.

Stage 5 REM (Rapid Eye Movement) Sleep - minutes 30 - 45: This is the active sleep state where brain growth such as learning and memory occurs. You may see eye flutters and movement.

Arousal - minutes 45 - 50: Your baby is back into light sleep as they finish their sleep cycle. Majority of babies will wake up during this stage needing to feed, diaper change or will call you out for help to get them back to sleep.

You’re not doing anything wrong when you respond to your child at night. Believe in me; they will learn to link sleep cycles without your help in their own time. In the meantime, keep on helping your to sleep in the way that works best for both of you. You aren’t doing anything wrong, and it will all work out fine in the end.

28/03/2021

Postpartum lasts forever 💖

When people ask me why I say our system is broken and fails to support breastfeeding mothers... this is why. If you’re lucky you’ll have continuity of care over your pregnancy, however it’s highly likely that after the birth of your baby every one of these appointments you will see a different midwife, child health nurse or GP. Advice can be conflicting, there is focus on your very new postpartum body but then that support all disappears. While a positive transition into early motherhood can have long lasting effects, it doesn’t prevent future hurdles or provide adequate support. Everything doesn’t magically go right from 6 weeks that’s for sure.

It just isn’t good enough. Mothers deserve better.

22/03/2021

It take a village to raise a child AND to breastfeed a child. If this was a more well known concept my breastfeeding journey would have been much more pleasurable 🙃

Breastfeeding is often treated like it is just the responsibility of the parent, but in fact, breastfeeding has the best chance of success when it is a community effort. When new parents feel supported to thrive everyone benefits!

Breastfeeding is a normal biological process, but it is a learned skill, it can be challenging at first and it requires a lot of support!

Give the person you love the best chance of breastfeeding by watching this video to learn the basics.

Check the video which is presented by Antonia Anderson, who co-teaches our Breastfeeding Course for Professionals along with me, the founder of Newborn Mothers, Julia Jones. https://newbornmothers.com/blog/breastfeeding-basics-for-family-and-supporters-video

25/02/2021

This time last year I went out with friends to a bar to celebrate my birthday - my daughter was 7 weeks old and I had had major surgery during her birth. I look back now and can’t believe it. Why did I think this was normal? Because that is the general message that is shared throughout our society. If we are blessed with a second baby I will be hibernating and resting for as long as possible. Take this time Mama’s, this time is for you and your baby and no one else ♥️

I’m tired to my bones of seeing wonderful, hard-working, passionate new mothers being feted for answering work emails from the hospital/being out and about day two of postpartum/back to their business only days after giving birth/doing 10,000 steps two weeks after birth/having a flawless look when they’re going through what is a real rollercoaster. I know it comes from a good place, but the message is that success as a mother=getting back into the world as soon as possible. And that is not, according to research, evidence and ancient cultural knowledge, actually the best thing for new mothers—far from it. It contributes to this toxic culture where asking for help is a weakness, and struggles are a sign you’re a failure. Instead, can we please encourage women to properly rest, heal and bond? Can *that* become the thing we celebrate, that earns the “wonder woman!” “Warrior!” “Amazing!” comments?
I get that for some, returning to work before feeling ready is a harsh reality, and needs must—especially in countries where maternity leave is woeful. For others, creativity surges during postpartum. And yes, taking a real break when self employed is hard. But you know what’s harder? Postnatal depletion. Having your mental health take a hit. And one day, looking back and wishing like crazy you’d just slowed the f**k down because you will never, ever get that time with your tiny baby back.
What’s not *that* hard, by comparison, is setting boundaries with clients/employers/family/friends, asking your partner to help you rest, pre-loading your Instagram posts, keeping a journal for all those middle of the night ideas and lying the f**k down for what is, in the scheme of things, a blip. A sacred, transformative, beautiful and brutal blip that is not served by replying to needy clients. The end.

21/02/2021

Oh my goodness this makes me so wild 😡

I love caprese, but this random comment in a Facebook group I’m in made me sad. So, you’d *just* given birth, and you had to provide food for the multiple people who entered your baby bubble? HELL TO THE NO. This is not how it should be. For a start, if you want heaps of visitors, okay you do you, but they should be bringing the food. But frankly, not many people genuinely want hordes in their space during a time when it’s hard to string a sentence together, never mind share how your (sacred, transformative and possibly traumatic) birth was to Uncle Ted while also trying to get a newborn to latch? Who wants Beryl the neighbour wafting her perfume around and grabbing the baby? Again, I say HELL TO THE NO. To the expecting parents and the excited friends and family around her! Respect the goddamn baby bubble! Feed the mama! Let her rest and DO NOT let her make you a gourmet charcuterie board!
Now; before I hear the “yeah, buts” I get that sometimes you might want people around. That’s cool, the presence of trusted people is really important, but do you know what my rule is? You need to be comfortable with them enough to a) put them to work and b) pull your b**b out in front of them.
I also get that in many cultures there’s enormous pressure to have visitors and sometimes setting boundaries feels harder than just letting it happen. I’ve helped clients who’ve faced this, and honestly? Just lie. Your and your partner can pick a couple of days a week to open up the house but! Make sure there are days in between for downtime and rest, and the way to ensure that might be to say you have appointments. I’m serious. If you want a positive postpartum, filled with good bonding, successful breastfeeding and reasonably well rested and adjusted parents, you need to protect your energy and space. The kindest thing people can do for you is drop a meal on the door, or wait to be invited in. Remember, you will never, ever get this time back.
Okay, rant over ❤️

20/02/2021

Do you agree with this?

Before our daughter I thought mother’s intuition was magically instilled in us but realised throughout her short life that for me, it is definitely learned.

In this episode of the Birth Circle podcast, I talk with Sarah about the history of the role of a doula and its ties to breastfeeding, and the qualifications and role of doulas throughout the world. I also discuss the need for a cultural shift toward valuing and investing in birth and postpartum worker’s care and increasing our cultural awareness of how important the postpartum period is.

Listen to my talk with Sarah here: http://bit.ly/3oeRHjW

13/02/2021

One of the reasons why I want to hold the mother - so they can hold the baby ♥️

Many cultures have a window of 40 days after childbirth for lying in. Not only to help the mother to rest and recover but also to help her newborn baby adjust to life outside the womb. ⁣
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Unaware that they are separate from their mother and with an immature nervous system, there are many things you can do to support this transition such as:⁣
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🌿 Keeping lights dim whilst their sensitive eyes adjust (no fluorescent or bright shopping center lights)⁣
🌿 Avoiding loud noises and large crowds⁣
🌿 Keeping them wrapped/swaddled or in a carrier (mimics the womb environment)⁣
🌿 Let them lay on your chest so they can listen to the sound of yours or your partners heartbeat⁣
🌿 Play soft calming music or white noise around the house ⁣
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Do you have any other suggestions to include? ⁣
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10/02/2021

All babies and adults are so different, this is why one routine may work for some and not others. This is a reminder to follow your intuition. You know what is best for you and your baby ♥️

Many new mummies are scared out of their wits that if they don’t start a routine as soon as their baby is born, they are cursing themselves to a life of no sleep! You have likely been told you are creating a rod for your own back if you decide to go with the flow, but let me share a few things abo...

heal.with.kara

18/09/2021

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28/03/2021

22/03/2021

25/02/2021

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10/02/2021

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