Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses

08/08/2023

My recent article in On The Coast - 55+
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MATTERS OF LIFE & LOVE by Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses

Reader Question: “After 30 years of marriage, my partner and I cannot get over a betrayal and we are done. We are in our mid–60s. I do not know how to begin again. I don’t know where to start. How do you move forward from something like this at our age?”

https://issuu.com/debbie-onthecoastpublications./docs/issuu_over_55_july_aug_23_v1/28

31/07/2023

The difference is......INTENT
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Sarah

The silent treatment can feel the same as stonewalling. While they share similarities, learn the one main thing that makes all the difference.

29/07/2023

A "Love Map" is just a way of thinking about the practice of staying curious about your partner. It's a mental map of your partner's way of existing in the world.

In healthy relationships, people ask each other questions to explore each other’s inner worlds. As you both ask questions and take notice of the little things (e.g., how they like their coffee or how they relax), you start to build a mental map of who your partner is—their likes and dislikes, hurts and hopes, and everything that makes them who they are.

Learn more about How to Build Love Maps here: https://bit.ly/46W1It4

27/07/2023

one from the Life & Love archives from 9 years ago......still a relevant reminder :)

A Year of Love - Day 205 (**share some Daily Love**)
I'm not so keen on goals for "self-improvement", I think it is more empowering, effective and true to be aligned to go for "self-acceptance". The more we can accept and love ourselves, the more empowered we can be to acknowledge our gifts, share our gifts, value our gifts and expand our gifts. Name 5 wonderful things about yourself you can love and accept today? Much love, Sarah

23/07/2023

Each individual’s thoughts, attitudes and emotions emit energetic fields. These individual field environments not only affect you, your health and perspective on life, they also can influence your relationships and experiences in your social field environments as you interact with people, or even ...

23/07/2023

One from the Life & Love archives ###x Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses

Year of Love Evolving - Days 204-205/366
Would it surprise you to know that conflict can be the glue of relationships. When it is healthily done, with skillful communication, conflict becomes an opportunity to learn about the other and understand better their feelings and needs. In healthy conflict, you need to hold each other safe in a vulnerable space of emotion, be willing to be accountable for your self and not take things as personal criticism but loving feedback. It assumes a generosity of heart and spirit that each is bringing their best to the encounter to work in partnership to find a joyful solution. It can be done and successfully navigating conflict and challenging conversations brings couples closer and more intimately bonded , deepening love and trust. Much love Sarah

19/07/2023

My recent article in On The Coast - Families
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Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses

MATTERS IF LIFE & LOVE by Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses

Reader Question:
“My wife is imminently due with baby number two. I love being a father. I am so excited. I love seeing my wife as a mother. She is incredible. I just miss her, and I miss us. I am angry and grieving our connection and intimacy. It is just the house, children and work. Is this what I must forever accept?”

https://issuu.com/debbie-onthecoastpublications./docs/issu_families_junejuly23/30

18/07/2023

A good article on Non-Defensive Listening - a big part of what we skill into in couple therapy - listening with love, empathy, for understanding and hearing needs and attending to feelings ###

Here's the key to listening non-defensively.

15/07/2023

If you feel like you’re always fighting against each other, and not for a common goal, you may need to practice the team mentality. Instead of becoming hyper-focused on your partner's flaws or mistakes, adopt a team mindset to shift the perspective from blame to cooperation.

This month you can get a free "Better Way to Fight" guide by subscribing to the Love Notes Newsletter: https://bit.ly/30JWG2H

11/07/2023

Cultivating the ability to breathe through the heartache of divorce and mourn is essential. It's both ending the story of the family you were, and starting the story of your life as the family you're becoming.

Learn more from Kerry Lusignan, LMHC (Northampton Center for Couples Therapy)
on the Gottman Blog: https://bit.ly/3PK8goh

10/07/2023

My latest Blog article for Picaluna Funerals.
A summary of current and emerging funeral options when your body has died and the environmental considerations and legacy.
Sarah Tolmie - Community Funeral Director and EndofLife Services

A summary of current and emerging funeral options when your body has died and the environmental considerations and legacy.

10/07/2023

Good article on emotional disconnection. It presents a lot in relationship therapy. For the partner unable to reach their loved one, it is hard, and this article also assists in undertanding what it is like for the one disconnected too. Neither experience is easy. Good to know though, the Gottman work has some solid skills and therapeutic ways to heal couples out of this dynamic
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Sarah

Emotional disconnection in relationships is a protective response that can lead to problems developing meaningful relationships.

08/07/2023

One from the Life & Love archive ###
Sarah

Daily Love Boost - 199/365
No one 'makes you feel' anything. If you have a feeling, own it as your response. You have chosen the lens and filter through which you experience the world. It's ok to feel yukky feelings. They are our messengers and friends that come from a deep place of care and love within us. Don't blame another for how you are feeling, rather choose to listen to what the feeling is telling you about you. Listen, learn and choose what you need to either do, understand, let go, learn and/or respond.That's being 100% responsible for you. That's having control over the only thing you do have control over - not the outer world - but your inner world. Much love, Sarah

07/07/2023

The resonance of two in relationship in Life & Love
x Sarah

"When people of similar frequencies come together, the output is not a simple sum of individual work, but exponential. In science we call this phenomenon resonance. At this point, the performance exceeds any logical limit."�- Ravindra Shukla, A Nonconformist Heart: Between Love and Life

Artist: .arte

19/06/2023

When things are going well in your relationship, it's easy to listen to your partner and even take criticism - it's not as easy when you're working through conflict. Taking the time to acknowledge that you and your partner are on the same team working towards a shared goal can create an environment of support and understanding.

Learn more in today's Marriage Minute newsletter: http://bit.ly/2qB8FAc

11/06/2023

A good summary. Holding space is creating a literal holding space, a container of space between you, to bring the feelings out to be held, cared about, seen, understood and given sacred witness. Xx

There was probably never a time I needed strong friend support more than when I was going through my divorce.

08/06/2023

This article caught my eye...it posits a good question and idea. Being both marriage therapist and marriage celebrant - I see both sides to this - the values in marriage and the disillusion of many in marriage. My answer and approach - and the way I support couples approaching marriage or repairing marriage/relationship is - get conscious; get aware; get skilled. Develop a shared relationship mindset and be prepared to love, nurture and tend to your marriage/relationship like it is your first child - feed it, nourish it, prioritise it, care about it and steer its continual growth through the changes and challenges and opportunities of life & love.
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Sarah

Marriage is security. Marriage means having a fundamental question of life handled. Or does it? About half of the time, the answer is no. (And in the other half of cases, it's still questionable.)

07/06/2023

Keep your relationship as a priority for your care and nurturing. Practice skills of continued curiosity, affection and emotional communication
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Sarah

Here's how to reach true intimacy in your marriage.

31/05/2023

Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses
Resistance is not only futile (life will come back and bite you twice as hard), it's also unhealthy. It impedes growth and insight. It blocks something potentially wonderfully emerging. Yeah, so it may be uncomfortable - momentarily - to face something you resist or deny or avoid - but those willing to endure the discomfort, will rise eventually to a higher place, a higher vibration, a greater perspective and new opportunities. Time to be brave.
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Much love, Sarah

29/05/2023

Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses
If you are blaming anyone for a feeling or circumstance in your life, you are choosing to play victim and giving away the power of your personal agency and responsibility for your life. It is hard and challenging at times to know we are 100% responsible for the experience of our life, but it's true....even our past.....you have capacity at any time to think differently about the past and re-author your story. We are powerfully directed by our story. It is weaved into our being and energises our NOW and our future. Take charge. Choose in the direction of your desires and choose with the intention of love in your heart. Why wouldn't you!?
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Much love, Sarah














2h

23/05/2023

My conversation with Shannon and Laura from the Podcast team about my funeral craft and end-of-life work and ceremony work.
What a thrill and honour. xx Sarah

"From our podcast interview this week with where we talk about death as a rite of passage 💫This was such a beautiful conversation around a subject that is often sanitised in our modern world. Sarah has such deep wisdom & insight, we urge you to tune into this ep - and then talk to your loved ones! ❤️"

08/05/2023

My funeral team I work with….already so far….it’s been hard year of sorrow and grief.
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Sarah Tolmie - Community Funeral Director and EndofLife Services

💙💙💙💙💙💙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙
Celebrating our Picaluna people
we just want to give a quick ‘shout out’ to the beautiful team of arrangers, operations personnel and celebrants with Picaluna.

These past few weeks they have shown-up and leant-in to the death space and made us all so very proud. 💙

We have worked with those in mourning for a; radio broadcaster, a music industry executive, a well-known Q.C., a P plater who crashed their car accidentally, a baby that died in utero and many, many more.

This stuff is hard. This stuff hurts. Our Picaluna people continue to bring their genuine empathy, go that extra mile and made a tough time a little easier for their fellow humans - our people are AWESOME!! 💙

Please don’t think we’re drinking our own Kool-Aid. We’re human too, imperfect and real. But showing-up is vital, bearing witness is a privilege and genuine acts of kindness matter - particularly at end of life.

Thank you everyone at Picaluna for the beautiful work you do. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

30/04/2023

Throughout the following five hallmarks a common theme is open and clear communication. We may feel or think a certain way, but if we don’t express it, how the hell is anyone meant to know. Real communication is without a doubt integral to a healthy relationship, so if it’s not one of our strong...

28/04/2023

Sunday April 30th Workshop CANCELLED.
Hello everyone. Tomorrow's Sunsetting workshop is cancelled. Unfortunately it's been discovered at the last minute that Woy Woy Sea Scouts have double booked the hall for our workshop session tomorrow (Sunday 30th 3-5pm). My small event lost out to the larger all day booking. I'm feeling 'disappointed and bummed' but only temporarily. We have the next one coming up on Sunday June 25th. This will be one not to miss - Peninsula Law is coming to share all about Wills, Estates and what is the process when someone dies with a will AND without a will?!!
In the meantime, if you want to crack on with your own journey to resource and prepare for funeral design and end-of-life choices - check our my FREE 5 x Video Series "Landscapes of Life & Love and Death - Traversing the pathway of dying death and grief". You can watch it here: https://sarahtolmie.com.au/landscapes_1/
AND you can also access my free Funeral Planning Worksheet here: https://lifeandlove.teachable.com/courses
So sorry guys. Please update your calendars and Register for our June event featuring Peninsula Law.
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Sarah Tolmie - Community Funeral Director and EndofLife Services

14/04/2023

Sara is an amazing, insightful and transformative practitioner. x

The last few years have been tough.
People are feeling it.
Navigating feelings, relationships, work, parenting and enjoying life is getting further and further out of reach for some people.
Now more than ever, people need therapy to support them- but that costs time and money, which we don't all have.
We see you, we hear you and we believe everyone should have access to the basic tools of psychology and a support network.
We are offering online and in-person group therapy options for a fraction of the price of therapy.
We get it, things are constantly changing and we as psychologists, are changing too.

30/03/2023

Our relationship wellbeing affects our health. Love & Conflict take skill...and I can teach you how to do these well and safely.
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There are better ways to navigate conflict and protect your well-being in the process.

23/03/2023

this is always good for a share whenever it pops up on my feed....watch the video....it's great
https://www.elephantjournal.com/2019/09/brene-brown-flawlessly-defines-empathy-in-this-enlightening-endearing-video-kelsey-michal/?fbclid=IwAR1y3b0LNZg5axRckOroho55QVCFi3r7JUYyfgtQRoEHoBkAf9ShjWi6f70

It may not seem like an important distinction, but it makes all the difference in whether we can support our loved ones with authenticity and unconditional compassion.

22/03/2023

A strong relationship is an ongoing conversation between partners. This involves developing awareness about your differences and sharing your needs in many areas of life.

If you're thinking of taking a big step together, be it moving in or saying "I do," sparking this conversation can help set your relationship up for success.

Certified Gottman Therapist Kimberly Panganiban (Panganiban Therapy) offers conversation-starters for couples on our blog: http://bit.ly/3HXB1Iv

20/03/2023

My healer friend Rochelle interviewed me for her Blog! Feel free to check it out! :)
https://www.nrgcntr.com/post/life-love-and-loss-with-sarah-tolmie

Meet the lovely Sarah Tolmie, a life and love celebrant, emotional wellbeing and relationship coach, couples/marriage therapist, end of life consultant and death doula. Here Sarah talks about life, loss and love, the importance of having enriching, nourishing, loving relationships and being an advoc...

23/02/2023

08/02/2023

This is my number one, go to, self healing and emotional management tool. I encourage everyone to add Tapping to your stress management and personal well-being toolkit. This free summit happens every year and is a great introduction.check it out! 💓 Sarah

05/02/2023

Another one from the vaults of Life & Love musings ..... :)

Year of Love Evolving - Days 37-38/366 (Weekend)
Ever asked yourself what you value the most? What is your number one life value? Is it freedom, love, connection, creativity, family, learning etc..........? Is your energy being directed to this currently? Are you sharing your gift for this area/endeavor with others? What are the results you are having here? Are you in alignment or not? It just takes a decision and choice and one action to begin a correction back on course, and you will immediately feel better. Keep feeling better, keep taking actions that keep you on course. Much love, Sarah

03/02/2023

a good summary
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Sarah

Sweeping issues under the rug only works for so long.

31/01/2023

I haven’t changed. I’m still the same person—only more aware and adamant about becoming the best version of myself

28/01/2023

Gottman Therapy offers a great evidenced-based approach and toolkit of supports for new parents to help buffer them from the relational stress of parenthood. I'm here happy to help you 'bring baby home' and stay together. :)
https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/parenting/what-happens-to-a-marriage-after-having-kids/ar-AA16cdcp?ocid=EMMX&fbclid=IwAR1yvBryQWhfmamQT3LZF7xCeZlOL-_0tES3Q_rwbArpKKgQ914aP466Jcw

Research shows that having children drastically affects a marriage — often for the worse. Understanding why is essential to recalibrating your relationship.

27/01/2023

one from the vault...7 YEARS ago....and it is still current and valid and something I work on with my couples...the art of 'repair' is one of the most important relationship skills. Saying "sorry" ...giving a real and geunine apology. Not just "I'm sorry' but understanding what was the 'affect', taking acountability and ownership (no defensiveness and excuses), giving a real empathetic 'I'm sorry', taking action even to restore, and making adapatations even to behaviour moving forwards. This is high-skill relationshiping based on prioritising the love, the relationship, the person. ###xx Sarah

Year of Love Evolving - Day 28/366
Some days you just have to hear the hard truth, admit you were wrong and acting in ego or fear, pull your head in, listen and say sorry. Be genuinely sorry and understand. Ask for the learnings; take in the learnings; be willing to evolve and make right. When you do, it can be amazing how ready and quick the other person is to the release themselves from those equally hard feelings of disappointment, annoyance and hurt, and return to love. Sorry! Much love, Sarah

27/01/2023

Is it time to reinvent your date night approach? Check these guys out 😍

The concept, popular on TikTok, shows a simple but powerful way to reconnect with your partner.