Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses

5 Foundations for Healthy Relationship
In my Creating a Miracle Marriage workshops and online couples course, I outline 5 core foundations that offer a clear framework for a healthy, thriving and life long love, I call it 'playing the A-Game':
1. Authentic Self (continuing to evolve, grow & gift yourself to your beloved)
2. Awareness (of self and your beloveds feelings, needs & desires)
3. Agreements (on the beliefs & behaviors & values that are important to maintain the relationship environment)
4. Accountability (for self and the relationship)
5. Adapt & Apply Skills (to meet each other’s needs and desires)

“The key in relationship is firstly maintaining an ever evolving sense of authentic self. It is YOU that your beloved loves and wants, so keep growing and developing your SELF and gifting that to your partner”

“Couples in thriving relationship develop a highly attuned awareness to their own needs and desires and how to communicate them and as well as being aware of their partners. They agree to be accountable to attending to those, and where they have to develop new skills and behaviors to meet theirs and their partners needs & desires, they adapt and learn and consciously apply those skills.”

“In a healthy relationship, couples are clear on their relationship agreement. This may sound a bit dreary but think of these agreements as what is contained within the heart of the marriage vows. Vows encapsulate what you promise to create, share, believe and do for yourself, your beloved and your relationship”.

x
Sarah

#marriagetherapistcentralcoast
#couplecounsellingcentralcoast
#relationshipgoals
#healthyrelationships
#holisticcoaching
#marriagetherapycentralcoast
#grief
#livingwithgrief
#emotionalresilience
#emotionalwellbeing
#nlpcoachingcentralcoast
#lifecoachingcentralcoast
#lovecoachingcentralcoast
#hypnotherapycentralcoast

5 Foundations for Healthy Relationship
In my Creating a Miracle Marriage workshops and online couples course, I outline 5 core foundations that offer a clear framework for a healthy, thriving and life long love, I call it 'playing the A-Game':
1. Authentic Self (continuing to evolve, grow & gift yourself to your beloved)
2. Awareness (of self and your beloveds feelings, needs & desires)
3. Agreements (on the beliefs & behaviors & values that are important to maintain the relationship environment)
4. Accountability (for self and the relationship)
5. Adapt & Apply Skills (to meet each other’s needs and desires)

“The key in relationship is firstly maintaining an ever evolving sense of authentic self. It is YOU that your beloved loves and wants, so keep growing and developing your SELF and gifting that to your partner”

“Couples in thriving relationship develop a highly attuned awareness to their own needs and desires and how to communicate them and as well as being aware of their partners. They agree to be accountable to attending to those, and where they have to develop new skills and behaviors to meet theirs and their partners needs & desires, they adapt and learn and consciously apply those skills.”

“In a healthy relationship, couples are clear on their relationship agreement. This may sound a bit dreary but think of these agreements as what is contained within the heart of the marriage vows. Vows encapsulate what you promise to create, share, believe and do for yourself, your beloved and your relationship”.

x
Sarah Tolmie















2h

5 Foundations for Healthy Relationship In my Creating a Miracle Marriage workshops and online couples course, I outline 5 core foundations that offer a clear framework for a healthy, thriving and life long love, I call it 'playing the A-Game': 1. Authentic Self (continuing to evolve, grow & gift yourself to your beloved) 2. Awareness (of self and your beloveds feelings, needs & desires) 3. Agreements (on the beliefs & behaviors & values that are important to maintain the relationship environment) 4. Accountability (for self and the relationship) 5. Adapt & Apply Skills (to meet each other’s needs and desires) “The key in relationship is firstly maintaining an ever evolving sense of authentic self. It is YOU that your beloved loves and wants, so keep growing and developing your SELF and gifting that to your partner” “Couples in thriving relationship develop a highly attuned awareness to their own needs and desires and how to communicate them and as well as being aware of their partners. They agree to be accountable to attending to those, and where they have to develop new skills and behaviors to meet theirs and their partners needs & desires, they adapt and learn and consciously apply those skills.” “In a healthy relationship, couples are clear on their relationship agreement. This may sound a bit dreary but think of these agreements as what is contained within the heart of the marriage vows. Vows encapsulate what you promise to create, share, believe and do for yourself, your beloved and your relationship”. x Sarah #marriagetherapistcentralcoast #couplecounsellingcentralcoast #relationshipgoals #healthyrelationships #holisticcoaching #marriagetherapycentralcoast #grief #livingwithgrief #emotionalresilience #emotionalwellbeing #nlpcoachingcentralcoast #lifecoachingcentralcoast #lovecoachingcentralcoast #hypnotherapycentralcoast

Ever had a date with yourself? Ever planned a day of complete pleasure and relaxing and beautifulness? Celebrate being on your own. The idea of being on their own for many people is equated with loneliness and sad alone feelings. Some things feel better when shared with another, I know, but some things are best just all for yourself! It's all a matter of perspective . You could look at it as though it is the most indulgent adventure ever. Lavish yourself with all the things you like. Be mysterious. Notice other 'on their own' people.....see if there is a connection. What is your ultimate on your own day? For me.....it looks like beach, swim, meditate, read under a tree in a park, art gallery or stroll a boho vintage market, journalling, a movie and then finishing with glass of wine at a funky place where I can people watch and daydream!

x Sarah

Ever had a date with yourself? Ever planned a day of complete pleasure and relaxing and beautifulness? Celebrate being on your own. The idea of being on their own for many people is equated with loneliness and sad alone feelings. Some things feel better when shared with another, I know, but some things are best just all for yourself! It's all a matter of perspective . You could look at it as though it is the most indulgent adventure ever. Lavish yourself with all the things you like. Be mysterious. Notice other 'on their own' people.....see if there is a connection. What is your ultimate on your own day? For me.....it looks like beach, swim, meditate, read under a tree in a park, art gallery or stroll a boho vintage market, journalling, a movie and then finishing with glass of wine at a funky place where I can people watch and daydream!

x Sarah Tolmie

Ever had a date with yourself? Ever planned a day of complete pleasure and relaxing and beautifulness? Celebrate being on your own. The idea of being on their own for many people is equated with loneliness and sad alone feelings. Some things feel better when shared with another, I know, but some things are best just all for yourself! It's all a matter of perspective . You could look at it as though it is the most indulgent adventure ever. Lavish yourself with all the things you like. Be mysterious. Notice other 'on their own' people.....see if there is a connection. What is your ultimate on your own day? For me.....it looks like beach, swim, meditate, read under a tree in a park, art gallery or stroll a boho vintage market, journalling, a movie and then finishing with glass of wine at a funky place where I can people watch and daydream! x Sarah

Joy and grief are absolute opposites on the emotional spectrum but they can only exist because of each other. And their common link is love...love lived, love lost. How would you know JOY and recognise it for the beauty of that feeling if you didn't have the contrast of GRIEF to compare it to. They actually, paradoxically, naturally coexist together......quite comfortably.....like beautiful lifelong friends who know everything about each other, warts and all, and still love each other.
x Sarah

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Joy and grief are absolute opposites on the emotional spectrum but they can only exist because of each other. And their common link is love...love lived, love lost. How would you know JOY and recognise it for the beauty of that feeling if you didn't have the contrast of GRIEF to compare it to. They actually, paradoxically, naturally coexist together......quite comfortably.....like beautiful lifelong friends who know everything about each other, warts and all, and still love each other.
x Sarah

Joy and grief are absolute opposites on the emotional spectrum but they can only exist because of each other. And their common link is love...love lived, love lost. How would you know JOY and recognise it for the beauty of that feeling if you didn't have the contrast of GRIEF to compare it to. They actually, paradoxically, naturally coexist together......quite comfortably.....like beautiful lifelong friends who know everything about each other, warts and all, and still love each other. x Sarah #centralcoastcommunityfunerals #newcastlecommunityfunerals #centralcoastfuneraldirector #newcastlefuneraldirector #centralcoastfuneraldirector #centralcoastfunerals #personalfunerals #funeraldirectorscentralcoast #funeraldirectorgosford #funeralcelebrant #alternativefunerals #holisticfuneraldirector #greenfunerals #centralcoastcommunity #holistichomefunerals #communityandfamilyledfunerals #picalunafunerals #picaluna

How to thrive, not just survive, the life of your love? Be radically committed to the full exploration, expression and evolvement of yourself and share and delight in journeying with another who is also doing the same!

Much love, Sarah

#marriagetherapistcentralcoast
#couplecounsellingcentralcoast
#relationshipgoals
#healthyrelationships
#holisticcoaching
#marriagetherapycentralcoast
#griefcounselling
#healingthroughgrief
#livingwithgrief
#emotionalresilience
#emotionalwellbeing
#nlpcoachingcentralcoast
#hypnotherapycentralcoast
#lifecoachingcentralcoast
#lovecoachingcentralcoast

How to thrive, not just survive, the life of your love? Be radically committed to the full exploration, expression and evolvement of yourself and share and delight in journeying with another who is also doing the same!

Much love, Sarah

How to thrive, not just survive, the life of your love? Be radically committed to the full exploration, expression and evolvement of yourself and share and delight in journeying with another who is also doing the same! Much love, Sarah #marriagetherapistcentralcoast #couplecounsellingcentralcoast #relationshipgoals #healthyrelationships #holisticcoaching #marriagetherapycentralcoast #griefcounselling #healingthroughgrief #livingwithgrief #emotionalresilience #emotionalwellbeing #nlpcoachingcentralcoast #hypnotherapycentralcoast #lifecoachingcentralcoast #lovecoachingcentralcoast

Keeping the passion alive in a marriage is about cultivating DESIRE. The nature of love in marriage is about caring, belonging, family, security and commitment; it is all about what we KNOW and already HAVE. The nature of desire however is about wanting something new, the novelty, the mystery, the excitement, even the naughty. It is all about what we DON'T KNOW and WANT. This is the paradox between love and desire. There is no care-taking or needing or responsibility in desire. To cultivate desire, it is about creating a want. Continue to grow and create yourself so you are an unfolding mystery to your partner. Try to look at your partner with new eyes, maybe how others see them. See them from a comfortable distance; see them when they are doing what they love most - in their flow - confident and expressive. Spend enough time apart so you can enjoy reuniting. Be imaginative - have fun, do new things, surprise each other. Use your imagination....discover and explore something new with your partner today!
x
Much love. Sarah

#marriagetherapistcentralcoast
#couplecounsellingcentralcoast
#relationshipgoals
#healthyrelationships
#holisticcoaching
#marriagetherapycentralcoast
#grief
#livingwithgrief
#emotionalresilience
#emotionalwellbeing
#nlpcoachingcentralcoast
#lifecoachingcentralcoast
#lovecoachingcentralcoast
#hypnotherapycentralcoast

Keeping the passion alive in a marriage is about cultivating DESIRE. The nature of love in marriage is about caring, belonging, family, security and commitment; it is all about what we KNOW and already HAVE. The nature of desire however is about wanting something new, the novelty, the mystery, the excitement, even the naughty. It is all about what we DON'T KNOW and WANT. This is the paradox between love and desire. There is no care-taking or needing or responsibility in desire. To cultivate desire, it is about creating a want. Continue to grow and create yourself so you are an unfolding mystery to your partner. Try to look at your partner with new eyes, maybe how others see them. See them from a comfortable distance; see them when they are doing what they love most - in their flow - confident and expressive. Spend enough time apart so you can enjoy reuniting. Be imaginative - have fun, do new things, surprise each other. Use your imagination....discover and explore something new with your partner today!
x
Much love. Sarah

Keeping the passion alive in a marriage is about cultivating DESIRE. The nature of love in marriage is about caring, belonging, family, security and commitment; it is all about what we KNOW and already HAVE. The nature of desire however is about wanting something new, the novelty, the mystery, the excitement, even the naughty. It is all about what we DON'T KNOW and WANT. This is the paradox between love and desire. There is no care-taking or needing or responsibility in desire. To cultivate desire, it is about creating a want. Continue to grow and create yourself so you are an unfolding mystery to your partner. Try to look at your partner with new eyes, maybe how others see them. See them from a comfortable distance; see them when they are doing what they love most - in their flow - confident and expressive. Spend enough time apart so you can enjoy reuniting. Be imaginative - have fun, do new things, surprise each other. Use your imagination....discover and explore something new with your partner today! x Much love. Sarah #marriagetherapistcentralcoast #couplecounsellingcentralcoast #relationshipgoals #healthyrelationships #holisticcoaching #marriagetherapycentralcoast #grief #livingwithgrief #emotionalresilience #emotionalwellbeing #nlpcoachingcentralcoast #lifecoachingcentralcoast #lovecoachingcentralcoast #hypnotherapycentralcoast

The Three Keys to Passion

Even the best of couples can wax and wane over lifetime loving. It takes efforting to maintain the passion. Here's a good reminder on some of the key inngredients - Thrill + Intimacy + Sensuality
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Sarah Tolmie

The Three Keys to Passion Dr. Cheryl Fraser shares how to balance your "passion triangle" to foster thrill, intimacy, and sensuality.

It's when things feel their most "crunchiest" and most uncomfortable that you know you are in the midst of essential transformation. It is that tipping point of change, the point of no return, the moment before the leap over the abyss. You are not in the wrong place, you are absolutely in the right place. Trust it is all unfolding as it should, as long as you remain present and open and in the flow. There is always light ahead.
x
Much love. Sarah

#marriagetherapistcentralcoast
#couplecounsellingcentralcoast
#relationshipgoals
#healthyrelationships
#holisticcoaching
#marriagetherapycentralcoast
#grief
#livingwithgrief
#emotionalresilience
#emotionalwellbeing
#nlpcoachingcentralcoast
#lifecoachingcentralcoast
#lovecoachingcentralcoast
#hypnotherapycentralcoast

It's when things feel their most "crunchiest" and most uncomfortable that you know you are in the midst of essential transformation. It is that tipping point of change, the point of no return, the moment before the leap over the abyss. You are not in the wrong place, you are absolutely in the right place. Trust it is all unfolding as it should, as long as you remain present and open and in the flow. There is always light ahead.
x
Much love. Sarah

It's when things feel their most "crunchiest" and most uncomfortable that you know you are in the midst of essential transformation. It is that tipping point of change, the point of no return, the moment before the leap over the abyss. You are not in the wrong place, you are absolutely in the right place. Trust it is all unfolding as it should, as long as you remain present and open and in the flow. There is always light ahead. x Much love. Sarah #marriagetherapistcentralcoast #couplecounsellingcentralcoast #relationshipgoals #healthyrelationships #holisticcoaching #marriagetherapycentralcoast #grief #livingwithgrief #emotionalresilience #emotionalwellbeing #nlpcoachingcentralcoast #lifecoachingcentralcoast #lovecoachingcentralcoast #hypnotherapycentralcoast

We all know people who just can’t apologize — well, here’s why

An Apology…it’s such an important part of healthy relationships - the repair skills are so important 🙏💓

We all know people who just can’t apologize — well, here’s why Non-apologizers are maddening to be around, especially when they’re clearly in the wrong. Here’s what drives their unrepentant ways and what you can do, from psychologist Guy Winch.

5 Traits of a Good Relationship. | elephant journal

A nice/different perspective on relationship well-being. 💓

5 Traits of a Good Relationship. | elephant journal Once we really check into what it takes to be happy with ourselves, we can really illuminate that light in our relationships too. Personally, I used to have a high ideal as to what it took for me to b...

Bids in Relationships Are Fundamental for Communication | Well+Good

Bids in Relationships Are Fundamental for Communication | Well+Good Bids in relationships are the ”fundamental unit of emotional communication.” Here's how it can strengthen your connection.

The 3 core skills that every person needs for healthy romantic relationships

Relationship competency takes love + skills xx Sarah Tolmie

The 3 core skills that every person needs for healthy romantic relationships It’s never too late — or too early — to learn the abilities that make up romantic competence: insight, mutuality and emotional regulation. And when you possess these skills, all of the …

I don't believe in love at first sight.
I believe in love at first debate,
first argument,
first inside joke,
first genuine laughter after a lifetime of sadness.

I believe in love at first heartfelt conversation,
first completely comfortable un-awkward silence.
I believe in love at first support through hardships,
first shared pain and first divided joy.

I don't believe in falling in love with a face.
I believe in falling in love with a mind and a soul.

- Maryame Sabry Zakhary

Image: Unknown

"Fuzzy bidding" is when we dance around an issue instead of being clear about our desires. This makes sense — asking for connection can make us feel vulnerable. It can feel like our hearts and egos are on the line.

Think about how you ask your partner for their attention more directly. Instead of hinting that you're cold when you really want to cuddle, try saying "I miss your warm touch and would love to snuggle."

How do you communicate your needs?

Gosh, such beauiful wise and encouraging words on lifetime, longtime loving one person. Thanks to my sis, Jane, for sharing. Worth a read and a contemplate xx Sarah Tolmie

Joni Mitchell on monogamy - wise words.

“I don’t know if I’ve learned anything yet! I did learn how to have a happy home, but I consider myself fortunate in that regard because I could’ve rolled right by it. Everybody has a superficial side and a deep side, but this culture doesn’t place much value on depth — we don’t have shamans or soothsayers, and depth isn’t encouraged or understood. Surrounded by this shallow, glossy society we develop a shallow side, too, and we become attracted to fluff. That’s reflected in the fact that this culture sets up an addiction to romance based on insecurity — the uncertainty of whether or not you’re truly united with the object of your obsession is the rush people get hooked on. I’ve seen this pattern so much in myself and my friends and some people never get off that line.

“But along with developing my superficial side, I always nurtured a deeper longing, so even when I was falling into the trap of that other kind of love, I was hip to what I was doing. I recently read an article in Esquire magazine called ‘The End of Sex,’ that said something that struck me as very true. It said: “If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.” What happens when you date is you run all your best moves and tell all your best stories — and in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over.

“You can’t do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old material. With a long relationship, things die then are rekindled, and that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. It’s hard work, though, and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. You’re with this person, and suddenly you look like an as***le to them or they look like an as***le to you — it’s unpleasant, but if you can get through it you get closer and you learn a way of loving that’s different from the neurotic love enshrined in movies. It’s warmer and has more padding to it.”

~ Joni Mitchell

photo by Annie Leibovitz

original post credit: Beth Spindler

Nurturing a culture of appreciation with your loved one helps you weather storms as a team and enjoy your quality time together. What are your favorite ways to share appreciation in your relationship?

I am a believer in love. I am a believer in marriage. I am a believer in romance. Love never goes out of fashion. Never loses it's wonder. It is always fabulous, enlivening, enriching and wondrous. You are never too young or too old. It is never too late or too soon to say I love you. Go forth and celebrate love in all the ways it is present in your life.
x
Much love. Sarah
#marriagetherapistcentralcoast
#couplecounsellingcentralcoast
#relationshipgoals
#healthyrelationships
#holisticcoaching
#marriagetherapycentralcoast
#grief
#livingwithgrief
#emotionalresilience
#emotionalwellbeing
#nlpcoachingcentralcoast
#lifecoachingcentralcoast
#lovecoachingcentralcoast
#hypnotherapycentralcoast

I am a believer in love. I am a believer in marriage. I am a believer in romance. Love never goes out of fashion. Never loses it's wonder. It is always fabulous, enlivening, enriching and wondrous. You are never too young or too old. It is never too late or too soon to say I love you. Go forth and celebrate love in all the ways it is present in your life.
x
Much love. Sarah

I am a believer in love. I am a believer in marriage. I am a believer in romance. Love never goes out of fashion. Never loses it's wonder. It is always fabulous, enlivening, enriching and wondrous. You are never too young or too old. It is never too late or too soon to say I love you. Go forth and celebrate love in all the ways it is present in your life. x Much love. Sarah #marriagetherapistcentralcoast #couplecounsellingcentralcoast #relationshipgoals #healthyrelationships #holisticcoaching #marriagetherapycentralcoast #grief #livingwithgrief #emotionalresilience #emotionalwellbeing #nlpcoachingcentralcoast #lifecoachingcentralcoast #lovecoachingcentralcoast #hypnotherapycentralcoast

I'm not so keen on goals for "self-improvement", I think it is more empowering, effective and true to be aligned to go for "self-acceptance". The more we can accept and love ourselves, the more empowered we can be to acknowledge our gifts, share our gifts, value our gifts and expand our gifts. Name 5 wonderful things about yourself you can love and accept today?
x
Much love, Sarah

#marriagetherapistcentralcoast
#couplecounsellingcentralcoast
#relationshipgoals
#healthyrelationships
#holisticcoaching
#marriagetherapycentralcoast
#grief
#livingwithgrief
#emotionalresilience
#emotionalwellbeing
#nlpcoachingcentralcoast
#lifecoachingcentralcoast
#lovecoachingcentralcoast
#hypnotherapycentralcoast

I'm not so keen on goals for "self-improvement", I think it is more empowering, effective and true to be aligned to go for "self-acceptance". The more we can accept and love ourselves, the more empowered we can be to acknowledge our gifts, share our gifts, value our gifts and expand our gifts. Name 5 wonderful things about yourself you can love and accept today?
x
Much love, Sarah

I'm not so keen on goals for "self-improvement", I think it is more empowering, effective and true to be aligned to go for "self-acceptance". The more we can accept and love ourselves, the more empowered we can be to acknowledge our gifts, share our gifts, value our gifts and expand our gifts. Name 5 wonderful things about yourself you can love and accept today? x Much love, Sarah #marriagetherapistcentralcoast #couplecounsellingcentralcoast #relationshipgoals #healthyrelationships #holisticcoaching #marriagetherapycentralcoast #grief #livingwithgrief #emotionalresilience #emotionalwellbeing #nlpcoachingcentralcoast #lifecoachingcentralcoast #lovecoachingcentralcoast #hypnotherapycentralcoast

Shifting your relationship from 'me' to 'we'

This is such a great article - I love Terry Real - and incorporate his relational therapy approach in my practice. Healthy relationship takes a specific relational mindset. I love his term 'compassionate curiosity' and in my practice I help my couples explore his invitation into 'fierce intimacy' as alternative to 'fighting'. Check this short article out...it has some good 'gold nuggets' to take away ##

https://edition.cnn.com/2022/07/24/health/terrence-real-relationship-needs-wellness/index.html?fbclid=IwAR1vWcSxLwg_pjgLGzGW79-9PAEDT99xNFpJmNJb8SwdI65YnowlTDXZwkU

Shifting your relationship from 'me' to 'we' In Terrence Real's new book, the renowned marriage and family therapist argues that our society's extreme focus on individualism comes with a cost: extreme disconnection from one another in our interpersonal relationships.

Creating and Sustaining a Culture of Appreciation in Difficult Times

A good article from my Gottman tribe on - BUILDING A CULTURE OF APPRECIATION - The antidote to contempt toward your partner is to build a culture of appreciation. This helps you create a positive perspective.
x
Sarah Tolmie

Creating and Sustaining a Culture of Appreciation in Difficult Times Life stressors can challenge your marriage. Learn how building a culture of appreciation can help you weather any storm.