Kindred Counselling

26/03/2026

Why ~ Just Tell Me What to Do and I’ll Do It ~ Isn’t the Solution You Think It Is >>

Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely helpful. It just still requires a manager.

There’s a particular kind of frustration that shows up in relationships where, on paper, things look fairly balanced.

You know you’re contributing, you’re doing things. You’re definitely not sitting back while everything falls to the other person, that’s for sure! And yet, your partner still expresses deep overwhelm.

Maybe you say, quite reasonably, “I help. Just tell me what needs to be done and I’ll do it.” Or there’s also, “Just tell me how to fix it, and I’ll fix it.”

At this point, the other person might go quiet, maybe they do the opposite.

Because they feel like they’ve tried to tell you before - in different ways, at different times - and it’s still not landing.

When I’m working with, this often looks like a disagreement about effort; one person feels they are contributing, the other feels overwhelmed, and increasingly alone in the day-to-day running of life.

Both are usually telling the truth, which is part of what makes it so frustrating.

What tends to sit underneath this though, isn’t the tasks themselves, but the responsibility of holding them in mind.

Knowing what needs to be done, remembering when it matters, thinking ahead so things don’t fall apart later. It’s not particularly visible work, and it doesn’t come with a clear start or finish.

Kind of like having 42 tabs open, and one of them is playing music.

>> Read more via the link in bio

04/02/2026

WE LOVE EACH OTHER, SO WHY IS IT SO HARD?

Most couples don’t arrive at relationship counselling because they’ve stopped loving each other.

More often, they arrive because they still love each other, and it’s exactly the reason it can feel so painful.

You might be sitting here reading this because something feels off between you and your partner. Maybe you fight more than you used to. Maybe you hardly fight at all, and you just don’t feel close anymore. Maybe you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, or like you’re shouting into a void, or like you’re living alongside a stranger who used to feel like home.

And a part of you might be thinking: If we love each other, shouldn’t this be easier?

It’s a very good question.

Read more at the link in bio ↪️

06/10/2025

So, this therapist (me, Jess!) turned 40 last week 🥳 and it’s resulted in a lot of reflecting, on recent events as well as those long in the past.

I received this image last week as well via AI, a representation of the adult me alongside and hugging the young version 🥹

It moved me so much, because it’s a real representation of what therapeutic work is, for individuals as well as with my couples…we’re all carrying around these little versions of ourselves, and just trying to look after them as best as we can.

The young versions of us want to be heard, want to be understood, want to be valued..when we can do that, when we can bring them with us, we can help them break free from that past they’re stuck in ✨🕊️

11/08/2025

Relationship in Crisis? Read This First.
If right now feels like it might break you, you’re not alone..

And If you’ve found yourself here, I’m guessing something big has happened?

A fight that felt like it went too far.
The shock of a betrayal.
Words you can’t take back.
Or just a heavy silence that feels impossible to bear.

Right now, you might feel shaky, heartbroken, angry, or numb.
You might be wondering if you can come back from this.

Please know: many couples have stood exactly where you are now and found a way forward. Sometimes that path is together, sometimes it isn’t, but right now is not the time to decide.

If this is where you are, there are a few steps I gently suggest you follow:

Step 1 – Press Pause
Again - you don’t have to fix it right now.
Your nervous system is in overdrive, and big decisions made in this state are rarely the right ones.

Step 2 – Take Gentle Space
Step away from the argument for now. This could mean separate rooms, a walk, or quiet time. This isn’t abandoning your partner. It’s preventing further hurt.

Step 3 – Soothe Your Body

Put your feet flat on the floor.

Notice: 5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.

Drink water, wrap up in a blanket, or take a warm shower.

Your body needs to know: We are safe right now.

Step 4 – Let the Thoughts Out
Write down what you’re feeling (not what you’re going to do).
And this is just for you — not for sending, not for winning the fight, it’s just to help clear the storm from your head.

What Happens Next?

Tomorrow will still be tender, but it will be clearer.
With support, you can look at what’s happened from a calmer place.

For now:

You are allowed to be hurt.

You are allowed to need space.

You are allowed to not have the answers.

You don’t have to fix everything. You just have to make it through this moment without burning it down.

I work with couples who are tired, but not done. Couples who’ve been through deep hurt and still want to understand each other, rebuild trust, and feel safe together again.

11/08/2025

Relationship in Crisis? Read this first.

Couples & Marriage Counselling in Geelong, with Kindred Counselling.

08/05/2025

FEAR OF ABANDONMENT / A PERSONAL REFLECTION ✨

For When the Anxiety Hits:

You can read this out loud, write it in your journal, or save it to revisit when emotions feel like too much ✨

—

Hi. I see you. I feel the panic in your chest, the ache in your throat, the heat behind your eyes. I know you want this feeling to stop, and that makes so much sense.

This hurts. And it’s okay to say it hurts.

But I want you to know something important:

You are not in danger.
You are not being left.
You are not unworthy.
You are not too much.

What you’re feeling is old pain waking up. A part of you learned that love disappears, that closeness vanishes. And now your body reacts like it’s happening all over again. But here’s the truth:

You are still safe.
There may not be a person near you—but *you* are here - and you won’t leave you.

Take a deep breath.
Now another.

You’ve survived pain before, but you don’t have to fight this.
Let it move through. You don’t need to push it away.
You are allowed to need comfort, and you can offer it to yourself now.

You’re not being abandoned.
You are being asked to come closer to yourself.

You are loved. Even in this. Especially in this 💖

07/02/2025

Grief is just love with nowhere to go. x

09/10/2024

Our mind and body gravitate toward the chaos they know, even when peace is just within reach. Often, It’s not about what’s best for us—it’s about what feels familiar.

Until we’re willing to embrace discomfort and face the unknown, we will keep repeating the same patterns. Real change, and healing, starts when we choose differently, even if it feels unfamiliar (and terrifying) at first 🌱💫

07/10/2024

Grief may be love that has nowhere to go, but in moments of sorrow, leaning on our community becomes essential.

It’s in togetherness that we can share the weight of our unspent love and find solace, understanding and connection.

In embracing our journey of grief with those around us, we honour what we’ve lost, whilst also nurturing the love that remains 💔❤️‍🩹✨

05/10/2024

‘It’s the self loathing and shame that becomes the central issue in chronic trauma - not the event, but the relationship people have with their inner selves.’ - Bessel van der Kolk

Chronic trauma often stems not just from the events we endure, but from the relationship we cultivate with ourselves in their aftermath. It’s the self-loathing and shame that can often become the central issue that prevents true healing.

Instead of letting shame define us, we can choose to nurture self-compassion and understanding…reframe the story we’re telling ourselves and transform our pain into growth.

Remember, it’s not about what happened to you, but how you choose to respond to it ✨❤️

03/10/2024

People don’t hurt other people simply because they feel like it. Often, they’re acting from past hurts and inner turmoil they’re not aware of.

We’re all doing our very best to survive in this complicated world, so go easy on yourself, and easy on those around you 🕊️