28/08/2025
There is no statute of limitations for grief.
After losing my Benjii in March, I have had three other friends lose their heart horses as well.
The grief is profound. The pain is unbearable a lot of the time.
Talking with others who have lost their beloved horses, is triggering for me too. But I know it’s part of my healing to listen, talk and offer support.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross identified 5 stages of grieving in her book, On Death and Dying.
1. Denial - when the vet came to see Benjii that day, somewhere in my mind, I thought, John will give him something and he will be ok. I will follow up with herbal medicine after the emergency phase. When the vet said he needed to be put to sleep, I walked in circles screaming no no that’s not right! It was only when I was told he is dying right now and suffering did I stop.
2. Anger - This came quickly and savagely for me. I wavered between denial and anger for a long time. Benjii was only 22. In spectacular health. It didn’t make sense, he was fit, healthy and full of fun and mischief.
3. Bargaining - I will be brutally honest here and say there were days when I looked at Yogi, and wished it was him. I would have done anything, given anything to change the circumstances. I’m not proud of that, but it was my truth. Yogi and I have a complex relationship and it’s my job to make it richer and more meaningful.
4. Depression - There were days when I couldn’t speak. Several friends just let me wail and sob over the phone. I found no meaning in life and some very dark thoughts entered my head.
5. Acceptance - Truth is, I’m not there yet. I waver back and forth between the other stages every week. I think talking with others helps me to process the anger, the depression and the feeling of inadequacy I felt. My job is healing horses and I couldn’t help the one that I loved most.
I’m not a guru, but all I can say is, hug your horse, cover them with kisses, tell them how much you love them. Treasure every single second.