Sheran Lees-Maric Clinical Counsellor & Mindfulness Trainer

Common mistake couples in crisis make is seeking help when it’s too late.“We organise yearly health checks with doctors and dentists, so why shouldn’t we take our relationships just as seriously? Every year, or your anniversary, or on a special ‘date night’, take some time together to reflect on and discuss your relationship – are you happy, what should you be doing more or less of? Consider seeing a counsellor for guidance because they can help solve quarrels before they turn into big problems and even pre-empt a separation down the track,”
So what are the signs that you need couple counselling?
The most common relationship red flags.
• You keep having the same arguments – Is your marriage a version of ‘Groundhog Day’ in all the wrong ways? Do you have the same disagreements on the same issues over and over again? Therapy can help you not only understand why you keep having reoccurring issues, but help you resolve them – once and for all.
• You’ve stopped being intimate – Don’t remember the last time you had s*x, kissed or even held hands? Intimacy is considered a barometer for your relationship. Couple counselling can help uncover the real reason behind the lack of physical closeness, and help reignite the fire.
• You find fault in everything your partner does – Do you criticise your partner for everything they do and don’t do? Do you badmouth your other half in front of friends and family? Resentment is at the root of many toxic relationships, but by seeking help, both parties can get the right tools for overcoming bitterness and rebuilding a healthy relationship.
• You lead separate lives – Are you more housemates than lovers? A therapist can help you reconnect with your partner on a romantic level and remind you of why you fell in love in the first place.

Here are some practical strategies for coping with the emotional blackmailers in your life:
• Let go of trying to change his/her need to think poorly of you.
Guilt trippers are masters at making others feel like failures and losers. If you are consistently around someone who makes you feel bad, then maybe the problem isn’t you. Maybe the problem is that the other person needs or wants to make you the bad guy. When around a person who lays guilt trips, let go of your need to change his/her opinion of you. Brush it off and move on.
• Do not defend yourself.
Don’t get in to it with a person hell bent on persecuting you. You can spend countless hours of your life playing a game of “I am not, you are too!” Don’t waste your breath. See item 1 above. Some people just need to make others wrong, bad, mean, and guilty. Instead of being defensive, just say a comment such as, “Perhaps you’re right; or, I’m sorry you feel that way; or, I’ll give that some thought.” Then, walk away. Remember, it takes two to argue.

I find this to be a common frustration for many.
Finding Hope and Inspiration After Quiet Desperation
You may be able to relate to some or all of this reading. Please highlight anything that you identify with & bring for our next session.
How many years do we live with a sense of quiet desperation, faking the connection we have with ourselves? Why do we deny ourselves authentic living and exchange our time for mindless living?
Over the years, life silently and slowly eroded my identity away. By the time my son was twelve years old, I’d completely lost touch with reality. I was always busy trying to be everyone’s hero and creating this perfect little world around me. While juggling the responsibilities of being a wife and mother, I’d lost my individuality.
Life had brought me to unchartered territory, a place I had never been before. I could no longer silence the cries of my quiet desperation, the yearning to break free from what everyone wanted me to be.
The weight of being a perfect mother—having laundry done and feeding my family home cooked meals daily—seemed more than impossible. The goal of being an amazing wife was like climbing Mount Everest; I had no energy left when it came to my husband. Because I’d excelled in my career, they thought I could handle more, so they’d doubled my workload.
I was suffering. The despair was a disease I learned to live with every day, but this day was different. The pain of my confusion and mental starvation was agonising.
I found myself on my knees having a mental breakdown.

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Just keep showing up...❤❤❤

If you're struggling with some tough thoughts or emotions related to COVID-19, or any disaster, reach out. The national Disaster Distress Helpline is available 24/7/365 by calling or texting 1-800-985-5990 💚

Via The Contented Child, Child Wellbeing Consultancy

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Which of these habits do you currently practice in your relationship? In which areas do you want to grow?

Your relationship is an ongoing journey of discovery. Like any skill, attuning to your partner takes practice.

Dr. John Gottman suggests building attunement through the “art of intimate conversation.” Intimate conversation includes learning to put your feelings into words, asking open-ended questions, and following up to deepen connection.

This open communication requires some vulnerability from you both, which can be scary. But remember: making these leaps of faith can dramatically improve your connection and enhance trust with your loved one. The risk is worth it.

Practice essential skills for a thriving romance by starting the Gottman Relationship Coach today: https://bit.ly/3ci5PUO

Tracey Smith is an International Intuitive Messenger connecting with the Angelic Realm. Her connection with the divine has helped her clients to transform and heal their lives, giving them the strength and confidence to move forward in life. Tracey may be contacted at [email protected]
Photo taken by Tracey Smith

DID is so hidden that not even my husband of 27 years knew I had it. I didn't discover it until I was in my late 40's and it was only because an alter was triggered out by a reminder of severe trauma that happened in the past.

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There are people who have broken your heart. Who have hurt you. Who have broken your trust. But look carefully. There are some who love you, who trust you and are proud of you. Yes, there were things that didn’t work. There were moments when life was really harsh. But think carefully....

HOW TO STOP OVERTHINKING
Here are ways to stop overthinking everything:
Notice When You're Stuck in Your Head. Overthinking can become such a habit that you don't even recognise when you're doing it. ...
Keep the Focus on Problem-Solving. ...
Challenge Your Thoughts. ...
Schedule Time for Reflection. ...
Learn Mindfulness Skills. ...
Change the Channel.
Mental health is serious business, and not staying on top of yours can seriously affect how you perform. If things are turbulent right now and anxiety is beating up on you, you can get your peace back. But it takes looking in the mirror, acknowledging the truth, and making changes. You got this 👏👏

Sometimes we need to do things we’d rather not do, in order to get the peace that we need; to look after our own well-being and to return to a healthy state. Decisions we may make may hurt others at times. Sometimes it hurts us too. I have found myself in situations like this recently. It’s a hard choice. But truly, there are times that we have to take care of ourselves. Sometimes there are no good choices, just painful ones. Sometimes that’s just how real life is.
— Jose Harris

HOW TO STOP OVERTHINKING
Here are ways to stop overthinking everything:
Notice When You're Stuck in Your Head. Overthinking can become such a habit that you don't even recognise when you're doing it. ...
Keep the Focus on Problem-Solving. ...
Challenge Your Thoughts. ...
Schedule Time for Reflection. ...
Learn Mindfulness Skills. ...
Change the Channel.
Mental health is serious business, and not staying on top of yours can seriously affect how you perform. If things are turbulent right now and anxiety is beating up on you, you can get your peace back. But it takes looking in the mirror, acknowledging the truth, and making changes. YOU CAN do this

Its about learning resilience and changing our own beliefs to stop the stigma. Everyone faces personal challenges, but its how we react that creates the outcome. Turning thoughts and feelings inwards to understand your own needs is healthier than comparing yourself to others

Via thepresentpsychologist

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I used to rack my brain trying to come up with ways to get out of things I didn’t want to do. Ways to explain why I couldn’t when the simple reason was I just didn’t want to. I didn’t feel that that was enough though. It is. I don’t want to, I don’t feel like it, I’d rather not... Why is that so hard for so many of us to say? You don’t owe anyone a “better” reason than that. Your time is yours and you get to spend it any way you [email protected] please. ♥️Leila⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

In case you are feeling a bit overwhelmed 😀

Instead of worrying about what other people are thinking or doing, put that energy back into yourself and watch your life transform.

Speak your truth when necessary. Grounded in your own sense of self and confidence, you can speak up and speak out if a circumstance truly requires a conversation. Know that just because you’re not taking something personally, you can still speak up about something if it doesn’t feel aligned or appropriate for you.

When you let go of trying to change other people or worrying what they think, you suddenly capture the energy needed to shift your life. 💛 Michelle Maros

Do you have a clear sense of who you are?
Developmentally, we wrestle with “finding ourselves” as teens and young adults. Then we often revisit these questions in middle age. It’s both normal and essential to seek self-understanding. In order to accept ourselves and establish a sense of belonging, we need to understand who we are. A strong sense of self helps us navigate life and brings meaning to our experiences. Without it, we feel “lost.”
Why do we experience a loss of identity?
1. We put everyone else’s needs before our own. When we focus on others and neglect ourselves, we fail to recognise and value ourselves and our needs. We minimise who we are and what we need.
2. We’re disconnected from our thoughts and feelings. We commonly keep ourselves so distracted and numb with alcohol, food, and electronics that we miss important information about who we are. How often do you reach for your phone or a snack whenever you get even slightly uncomfortable? These things keep us from knowing ourselves because we don’t allow ourselves to be curious and ask ourselves how we’re really feeling.
3. We experience life transitions and changes in our roles. Experience like a divorce, retirement, job loss, death of a loved one, or other traumatic events can also result in losing our sense of self, especially the parts associated with our roles.
4. We feel ashamed and unworthy, and consequently bury parts of ourselves. We were told that we’re bad, strange, ugly, stupid, or unworthy. We were criticised or teased. Maybe you loved to play chess as a kid, but were told that it’s not cool to join the chess club. So you quit. Or perhaps you were shamed for your s*xual orientation and tried to deny it. We’re told we have to fit a certain mould if we’re to fit in. So, we squish our square peg selves into round holes and try to be something we’re not. After years of doing this, we lose track of who we really are.
I’ve created some questions and journaling prompts that will help you rediscover yourself.
Questions to help you know yourself better:
1. What are my strengths?
2. What are my short-term goals? Long-term goals?
3. Who matters most to me? Who are my support people?
4. What am I ashamed of?
5. What do I like to do for fun?
6. What new activities am I interested in or willing to try?
7. What am I worried about?
8. What are my values? What do I believe in? (consider politics, religion, social issues)
9. If I could have one wish, it would be ___________
10. Where do I feel safest?
11. What or who gives me comfort?
12. If I wasn’t afraid, I would ___________
13. What is my proudest accomplishment?
14. What is my biggest failure?

👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

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This app helped me better myself: https://theplug.co/thefabulous/80407/127303 👈 Download this amazing self care app for free by clicking the link 🙏🏼❤️

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