05/09/2020
The Initiation of a woman
You know her when you see her, you feel her potency dripping from her unwavering conviction, you can’t hide from her, she sees you in all your glory, all your mess and tidied up edges, looking like you’ve got it all figured out, that its all under control.
But wait …… there’s something, there’s something not sitting quite right, you know it and she knows it, her gaze pe*****tes your gaze, her gentle, fierce, powerful and soft demeanour brushes up against you, encapsulates your being, she is saturated in clarity, her authenticity pulsing through her veins, no you can’t hide no more my darling, she has come to drag you out of yourself, relinquishing control and allowing the softness of your feminine aspects to come forth, ushering in the supernatural of who you are at your core.
You see you asked for this eons ago, you made a contract of self love, of inner union, sacred marriage of the divine, and now she’s here holding you accountable, looking back at you, facing your terrifying death defying fears, feeling the intensity that this kinda energy brings, you signed up for this initiation when you were on your knees in deep worship, holding your heart, asking for some reprieve, “why me” “whys this happening to me” nowhere to go but into the depths of the grief, sorrow, falling into the pain deeper.
She heard your cries of woe, she felt the vulnerability, she knows what courage, strength and fortitude it has taken you to get here, she’s felt the same pain and soul grievance that has exasperated every last ounce of precious energy, though here you are on your knees in holy matrimony with the divine, asking for guidance and support, in complete desperation, nothing left to give, nowhere else to go.
She heard the wailing of your heart, the gestures didn’t fall on deaf ears, you called her in and now she’s here in front of you, penetrating the excuses and holding you responsible for all those promises you’ve quietly made to the “little girl” within.
You can’t go back now, you know that don’t you, you’ve come so far, the past is just a distant memory, one that has shaped every cell from the inside out to bring you here, stood in front of the mirror of your creation, reflection is a powerful tool, trust it. She sees you, actually she sees right through you, she hears you, not what’s coming through your voice either, oh no, no - she hears everything your not saying, she feels those neatly wrapped packages of unspoken denial and deep rooted cases of loss that you are keeping well and truly under wraps, lurking in the shadows of your unexpressed emotions, she hears it all, you see, this is her element of expertise, she’s come to support you in unpacking these precious golden gifts of wisdom, hold space for you, allow you to feel seen heard and held all the while unravelling from the taut, tight, tension of anxiety ripping through your system, your paranoias on fleek, your vulnerability in a puddle by your feet, you feel the insecurities twitching in your cheek, you feel the betrayal screaming out from the back of your throat, the trauma literally trembling looking for a way out, seeping out from the cracks in your skin, your soul left naked and bare by her penetrative composure and all mighty compassion.
You feel the anointing of your loins of the holy ceremony that has been bestowed upon you, you remember what you asked for, and in this remembrance everything floods back in, the untold broken promises that were spoken in silence, in sacred union with your soul.
Have you ever experienced heartbreak, you know what I’m talking about, the kind that cracks you open and leaves you stripped to the core, the open wound gushing the loss and devoured devotion that once was, have you felt as if there is nowhere to turn, nobody to listen to your bleeding heart, the yearning of grief swallowed down into the pit of your stomach, the soul shaking silence quivering through your cells at a quantum level, somatically quashing everything you ever knew about yourself and life, the bare bones of the experiences replaying at a consistently alarming rate just to remind you where you fu**ed up or where “they” didn’t show up for you.
Processing all that shame, loss and guilt takes boldness and courage, seeing where you put yourself last is painful when you see the fundamental damage it has caused to the wellbeing of your soul.
People pleasing, enabling, rescuing have all served their purpose in the survival of where youre at, although now you are feeling into that call, that place of dissatisfaction that has had her wicked way with you for too long. That yearning is still there, that longing that you felt had dissipated is still here. So my question is, What are you going to do with it? What are you going to create? What is your souls calling? What will it take for your heart to sing the song of rapturous joy?
These are not questions for the mind to answer, no these are questions to pe*****te the wisdom of the body, the intelligence of the gut, the resonance of the heart, you see the “issues are in the tissues.” Allowing the frequency of the questions to reverberate in your being, activating your heart, saturating the fascia, penetrating into the bones, flowing through the blood, infusing your womb space, where all creations are born. Will you allow? Will you give yourself permission to soak in this ancestral guidance, this cosmic wisdom?
This is an invitation, a call for just that. Youre feeling it anyway so we may as well dive in to the depths together.
Welcome home. 🌳
Michelle Randle.
