Ms.Iyashi Psychology

10/10/2023

缺乏安全感的人與人相處時，往往在理解或推測他人想法時感覺受壓。 “你在想什麼？” “你喜歡我嗎？” “你會背叛我嗎？” “我應該這樣做嗎？” “我應該這麼說嗎？” “我應該這樣做嗎？”

您一天與多少人交談？試想像你每次與人對話時都必須思考以上問題 – 即使你只是在一個新的地方購物，你仍然會想“我應該怎樣做？店主會怎麼看我？”

不安感可能會觸發憤怒爆發和敵意。當你不理解某人時，責怪總比繼續無休止的猜測容易。

不安感還可能導致情感疏離和迴避。當你無法預測某人的行為時，遠離他人來保護自己似是更容易的選擇。

有時，不安感可能造成過度苛索。當你無法猜想的想法和感受時，自然會不斷要求更多以彌補失落的安全感。

不安感也可能令人變得被動。當你不知道該做什麼、如何與某人相處時，按兵不動不是更安全嗎？等待邀請才發言，等待指示才行動。

日常生活中與缺乏安全感的人交往時，很容易因為他們的情緒不穩定、退縮、依賴和缺乏主動性而感到沮喪。然而，他們同樣地過著充滿猜測，疲憊不堪的生活。

下次當你遇到一個沒有安全感和不自信的人時，試著保持耐心和友善。想想他們的心理鬥爭，對他們難以啟齒的恐懼釋出善意，因為他們心底可能有著我們不知道的一面。

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People who feel insecure tend to find it hard to infer or predict others’ state of mind in social relationships. “What are you thinking?” “Would you like me?” “Would you betray me?” “Should I do that?” “Should I say that?” “Should I do that?”

How many people you talk to during a day? Imagine you must go through the above questions every time when you interact with someone. Even when you are only doing some shopping in a new place, you still wonder “How should I act? What would the shop owner think of me?”

Insecurities could trigger anger outburst and hostility. When you don’t understand someone, isn’t it easier to blame the person instead of continuing with the endless guess?

Insecurities could also lead to emotional detachment and avoidance. When you can’t predict someone’s behaviours, isn’t it easier to stay away to protect yourself?

Insecurities could, at other times, cause clinginess. When you can’t tell what someone think and feel, doesn’t it feel safer to keep asking and keep asking for more?

Insecurities could even lead to passiveness. When you don’t know what to do and how to relate with someone, isn’t it safer to just stay still – wait for invitation to speak, wait for signal to act.

When we interact with an insecure person in daily life, it’s easy to be frustrated by their emotional instability, withdrawal, dependence and lack of initiative. However, living their lives of constant guessing is equally exhausting.
The next time you encounter an insecure and unconfident person, try to be patient and kind. Think about their mental struggle. Show compassion to their unseen and unheard fears, because there is probably a side of them unknown to us.

02/10/2023

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02/10/2023

創傷後成長(posttraumatic growth)是指逆境可以轉化為蛻變和個人提升的契機。然而這只是理解創傷經驗及在當中尋找意義(meaning making)的眾多可能性之一，不應被視為創傷的復原目標。

理解經驗的過程包括 - 評估發生了甚麼事，這事與我們之前的假設和信念有否抵觸，以及反思該次經歷會如何影響我們未來面對世界的策略。

這個評估過程並不一定帶來成長。創傷治療強調訓練我們的大腦認識創傷事件在過去發生，學習放下並集中於強化活在當下的生活質素。蛻變和個人提升可以被視為額外收穫而不是必須的。

“我應該做得更多”或“這應該在我預料之內”等等的自我懷疑是正受痛苦回憶困擾的人常見的掙扎，而這些想法會使創傷恢復變得複雜。

在這之上在加予不只要放下過去，而且要蛻變為一個更強大的人之期望未必有鼓勵效果。相反，這種說話可以增加負擔，甚至乎加劇他們的內疚感、無助感或自責感。

在告訴別人“殺不死我的會讓我變強”之前，停下來想想這個人是否已經走出了創傷。不要僅僅因為覺得需要說些甚麼而胡亂提建議。有時候，單純的陪伴比言語更能發揮作用。

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Posttraumatic growth refers the idea that adversity could be a chance of positive transformation and personal enhancement. However, it is simply one of the many outcomes of the meaning making journey and should not be seen as the goal of recovery from trauma.

Attempting to make sense of an experience, we often go through a process of evaluating what happened, how it matches or mismatches with our previous assumptions and beliefs, and reviewing how the experience might impact our future strategy in approaching the world.

The evaluation process does not always lead to growth. Treatment of trauma often emphasizes training our mind to recognize that traumatic event happened in the past, come to a closure and fostering the present functioning. Transformation and growth could be seen as bonus, not a must.

For someone struggling with painful memories, self-doubts like “I should have done more” or “I should have expected it” are common struggles that complicate the trauma recovery process.

Instead of achieving an encouraging effect, external expectations to not only move on from the past, but also to emerge as a transformed and stronger person could simply add to the burden and intensify their sense of guilt, helplessness, or self-blame.

Before we tell someone, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stop and think if the person has already come to terms with the trauma. Do not say something simply because we feel we need to say something. Sometimes, our mere presence could do more than our words.

28/04/2022

友善是指以他人利益為前題的行動。利他及友善其實是人自然的行為模式，在心理學研究中，這些行為一般分為幾類。

對親人的友善可以是愛、照顧、同情及關愛(親屬利他 kin altruism)，而我們也傾向對屬同一團體的成員之友善，稱為互惠共生 (mutualism)。另外，對於可能會再見面或成為朋友的對象，我們也會自然流露出同情、信任、回饋、感恩及寬恕等等的善意，這歸納為互惠利他(reciprocal altruism)。

研究指出作出友善的行為與快樂感及精神健康有正面關係。當中 Rowland 及Curry在2018年的研究更指出不論這些善行是針對親屬朋友，點頭之交或陌生人，效果都是一樣的。該研究更發現，指示參加者在日常生活中留意別人的友善行為亦與快樂感有關。

以善待人，同時留意身邊人的善意之舉，生活也許會變得更快樂。

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Kindness means acting with the purpose of benefiting others. Prosocial and act of kindness are actually natural human behaviours. In psychology, kindness is often studied in altruism studies and kind acts are grouped into various categories.

Our kindness to families is manifested as love, care, sympathy and compassion (kin altruism). We also tend to be kind to people coming from the communities we identify with (mutualism).

On the other hand, sympathy, trust, returning favours, showing gratitude and forgiveness are examples of kindness we show to people whom we might befriend or meet again with kindness in the sense of (reciprocal altruism).

Research has found that performing acts of kindness is related to greater happiness and improved well-being. One particular research in 2018 by Rowland and Curry found that it did not matter whether the kind act was directed towards family and friends or strangers and acquaintances.

In fact, the research found that inviting participants to pay attention to kind acts others demonstrated in daily life was also related to increased happiness.

Be kind, and notice kindness around you, for life is happier this way.

13/04/2022

喜悅是指遇到好事情時所出現的情感。在Barbara Fredrickson的Broaden and Build Theory中，喜悅佔著一個重要的角色︰比起令人變得內向、視野收窄及傾向限制自我的負面情緒，喜悅感這類正面情緒可被視為解藥 – 它令人變得活躍，再一次積極探索外面的世界，從而達到擴闊視野，為未來發展累積資源的效果。喜悅同時為精神健康帶來一個向上的螺旋效應，即使喜悅的時刻終會過去，所帶來的正面效果卻能持續下去。

喜悅推動人去玩耍及挑戰限制，亦能提高創意。它的作用不局限於社交或體力活動，在認知及藝術活動上亦有著相同的效果。我們可以通過遊戲建立多種技能。跑動、攀爬的遊戲可加強體育能力，社交遊戲可強化人際關係及提升社交技巧，而智力遊戲又可剌激認知、智力和創意發展，這些都是有利於精神健康的重要元素。

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Joy is generally regarded as an affective response to something perceived to be good. Its role in well-being is specifically highlighted in the Broaden and Build Theory by Barbara Fredrickson.

Contrasting to the limiting and narrowing effect negative emotions have, positive emotions like joy are believed to “undo” these effects and compels us to explore the environment actively again. These active explorative behaivours in turn broaden our vision and therefore help us to build up and accumulate resources essential to life in the future, creating an upward spiral towards improving and increasing well-being. Joyful moments might be fleeting, but its broadening effects could be long lasting.

It is argued that joy leads to an urge to “play, push the limits and be creative not only in social and physical behaviour, but also in intellectual and artistic behaviour.” Through play, we build up a wide range of skillsets– plays that involved running and climbing strengthen physical abilities, social games deepen interpersonal bond and train up social skills while brain games can stimulate cognitive, intellectual and creative activities. These are all valuable assets to mental well-being.