Safe Space Counselling Services

22/09/2024

22/09/2024

✨ Healing After Abuse: Your Journey, Your Strength ✨

Recovery from abuse is a powerful and personal journey. It’s about reclaiming your voice, your worth, and your peace. Healing isn’t always a straight path—it’s messy, painful, and sometimes slow. But every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.

🌿 Here’s what to remember on your journey:

Take your time—healing is not a race.
Set boundaries—protect your peace and energy.
Seek support—you don’t have to do this alone.
Celebrate your growth—you are resilient beyond measure.
You are deserving of love, safety, and happiness. Your past does not define your future. 🌸

05/08/2024

Reactive abuse happens when someone who is being mistreated responds with their own abusive behaviour towards the abuser.

When someone being abused is pushed to their limit by the abuser, they can no longer handle the pain, hurt, and unfairness they are experiencing.

Reactive abuse is when someone is pushed to their breaking point after being provoked by an abuser over time. The might try to keep calm and not react, but eventually reach a point where they explode. This is the straw that broke the camel's back. The abuser continues to antagonise you until they can no longer control your emotions and react with anger.

When you are criticised verbally, you may respond with insults, yell, or retaliate physically. You have been pushed to the point where you engage in behaviour you hate in your abuser.

When this eventually occurs, the abuser may act surprised or offended by your behaviour. Some may even smirk in satisfaction because they achieved the desired reaction. They now have a collection of evidence to manipulate you.

At this stage, the abuse worsens due to the added fuel that has been added to the situation.

05/08/2024

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used to gain power and control over another person.

The primary goals of gaslighting are:

Undermining the victim's sense of reality. Gaslighters aim to make their victims question their own perceptions, memories, and judgments, creating a sense of confusion and instability.

Eroding self-confidence. By making their victims doubt themselves, gaslighters gradually break down their self-esteem, making them more susceptible to manipulation and control.

Creating dependency. Gaslighters want their victims to become emotionally reliant on them for validation, support, or decision-making.

Escaping accountability. Gaslighters often use these tactics to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions or deflect attention away from their behaviour.

Gaining control. Ultimately, gaslighting is about gaining power and control in the relationship, ensuring that the victim remains submissive and compliant.

If you suspect that you or someone you know is experiencing gaslighting, it's essential to seek support and validation from trusted individuals, such as friends, family, or mental health professionals. Understanding and recognizing gaslighting can help you protect yourself and others from this insidious form of manipulation.

05/08/2024

Gaslighting is not about establishing or validating an objective reality; rather, it is a manipulative tactic used to control and distort someone else's perception of reality.

By causing the victim to doubt their own experiences, thoughts, and emotions, gaslighters can maintain power and control in the relationship.

You need to trust your own perceptions and seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals when faced with gaslighting.

Recognising the signs and understanding that gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation can empower people to break free from this type of abuse and regain control over their lives.

05/08/2024

Gaslighting can also occur in the workplace, where a colleague, manager, or even a subordinate manipulates your perception of reality.

Signs of gaslighting in a professional setting:

Undermining your performance. Your colleague or supervisor belittles your accomplishments, making you doubt your skills and abilities.

Manipulating information. They withhold or alter information, making it difficult for you to complete tasks effectively and efficiently.

Shifting blame. They place the blame on you for mistakes or problems that are not your fault.

Excluding you. They intentionally leave you out of important meetings, emails, or conversations.

Discrediting your ideas. Your suggestions or contributions are consistently dismissed or ridiculed.

Spreading rumours. They spread false or misleading information about you, harming your reputation and relationships with other coworkers.

Setting unrealistic expectations. They set impossible deadlines or workloads, making you feel incompetent or overwhelmed.

Denying their behavior. They deny any wrongdoing or manipulation, insisting that you are misinterpreting their actions.

If you're experiencing gaslighting in the workplace, it's crucial to document your experiences, seek support from trusted colleagues or HR professionals, and consider setting boundaries or seeking employment elsewhere if the situation becomes untenable.

22/07/2024

Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, including friendships and family dynamics.

Here are some signs that you may be experiencing gaslighting from friends or family members:

Trivialising your feelings. Your friend or family member dismisses your emotions as overreacting or being overly sensitive.

Denying events. They insist that certain events never happened, even if you have clear memories of them.

Shifting blame. They consistently shift the blame to you for problems or conflicts within the relationship.

Isolating you. They try to isolate you from other friends or family members by creating negative impressions of them or discouraging you from spending time with them.

Projecting their behaviour. They accuse you of doing or saying things that they themselves are actually doing or saying.

Contradicting your memory. They frequently contradict your memories, making you doubt your recollection of events.

Manipulating you. They use guilt, shame, or manipulation tactics to control your behaviour and decisions.

22/07/2024

Healing from trauma is a process, and it's not always linear. It's common to have moments where you feel like you have made progress, only to find yourself struggling again.

It's important to remember that healing takes time, and it's okay to have setbacks.

Keep this in mind when you're feeling overwhelmed:

It's not a sign of weakness. Experiencing setbacks or feeling triggered doesn't mean you're weak or not trying hard enough. It's a normal part of the healing process. 🩵

It's okay to take a break. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's okay to step back from the healing work for a while. Take some time to rest, engage in self-care, or seek support from loved ones. ❤️‍🩹

Healing is not a race. There's no set timeline for healing from trauma. Everyone's journey is different, and it's important to be patient with yourself. 🫶

You're not alone. Remember that you're not alone in your struggles. Many survivors of trauma experience setbacks and challenges on the road to healing.🤗

22/07/2024

Gaslighters use specific phrases to manipulate their victims and erode their self-confidence.

Some common phrases used by gaslighters include:
⚡ "You're overreacting."
⚡ "You're being too sensitive."
⚡ "That never happened."
⚡ "You're remembering it wrong."
⚡ "You're too emotional."
⚡ "You're imagining things."
⚡ "You're making a big deal out of nothing."
⚡ "It's all in your head."
⚡ "You're crazy."
⚡ "I never said that."

These phrases are often used to dismiss, minimise, or invalidate the victim's experiences, emotions, and perspectives.
Gaslighters may also use these phrases in combination with other manipulative tactics, such as lying, denying, or blaming the victim for their own behaviour.

Remember, it's important to recognise these phrases as red flags and seek help if you're experiencing gaslighting in any relationship.

22/07/2024

People who experience abuse often lose trust in themselves because of the manipulative tactics employed by their abusers. The manipulation can be so subtle and gradual that victims may not even realise it's happening until they've already internalised the negative messages.

Some reasons why people who experience abuse lose trust in themselves include:

↪️ Gaslighting. Gaslighting causes those who experience it to doubt their perception, memory, and judgment. Over time, this leads them to question their own sanity and trustworthiness.

↪️ Invalidation: Abusers frequently dismiss or minimise their victims' feelings, thoughts, and experiences. This invalidation erodes the victim's sense of self and makes them doubt their ability to accurately interpret situations.

↪️ Trauma bonding. People who experience abuse may develop strong emotional attachments to their abusers, often due to a cycle of intermittent reinforcement (a combination of abuse and positive interactions). This bond can further cloud their judgment and make them doubt their instincts.

↪️ Learned helplessness. When people who experience abuse are repeatedly exposed to situations where they feel powerless, they may eventually stop trying to escape or seek help. This learned helplessness can lead to a belief that they can't trust their own decision-making abilities.

If you recognise any of this, please do not hesitate to contact me via the link in my bio.