22/01/2026
For a long time, I have sat in the observer's state and watched people do human things. I wasn't coming from a place of judgement, I was understanding the masks people wear and the walls they built because of the difficulties they present.
After 20 years of connection, love and hope, then 5 years of separation. I see it for what is. I saw myself, contorting the many hats to fit me, giving everyone the opportunity to express themselves for the pure joy of their fulfillment while not realising I was abandoning myself.
I came to the realisation that this understanding was often bought at the sacrifice of my own peace. The villain and victim.
Now, the observer in me has space. There is room for movement without external critics. The inner critics on the other hand don't sit in the front row anymore; the seating arrangement has changed to fit the new, safe environment I have built for myself.
From this place, I can still find pleasure in seeing other people's joy, even his. But I do it while standing firmly on the boundary.... a boundary that I recognize *they* have chosen to limit.
But the truth is, the stress of this long battle has taken its toll. In my solitude, my body bore the punishment, I'd reached for coping mechanisms just to get through. I have not always done myself favors. And that, too, is a part of the story.
It is the final layer of the mask to remove. To thank them for the lessons and my body for surviving, and to finally give it the peace it has earned.
A journey of solidarity that never ends.
