25/03/2024
A great perspective on co-regulation. ๐
Not our favorite graphic. Why? Read on....
We had the most fabulous conversation last night with Kristy Forbes - Autism & ND Support and the iTAS community.
FUNctional, thought provoking, and funny...there may have been at least one Oscar worthy acting performance delivered (we'll let you guess who the nominee is) .... It was the kind of conversation where Amy's mind instantly scatters in at least 17 directions chasing down all the connections that spark when one brilliant idea drops.
We spent time talking about Useful Reality and the foundations of regulation. We talked about the importance of supporting young people's regulation development in authentic and validating ways. We talked about relational safety and its importance in that process. We talked about the prerequisites for the development of safety in relationship - people are real, predictable and clear...
And, then we talked about all the problems that exist with "CALM" and people's perceptions of "calm." Calm isn't the goal of supporting regulation development for young people. (Amy's soap box for almost 20 years). Calm is often a facade. It's often a mask. One can appear "calm" on the surface to please others, but be a dysregulated mess on the inside...
And then we talked about how it is equally dangerous to suggest that "calm" is the goal for adult partners when entering into interactions supporting a young person's regulation. Calm in these moments can be a mask, a facade, a fake... and more often than not our young people know it. And, if they detect that we are not being true to who we are, it can be a serious breach of trust and create unpredictability. Often times, such a breach will cause an increase in their dysregulation. We see it all the time.
Does that mean we should meet dysregulation with dysregulation? Add chaos to the storm? Complicate things with maxed out energy? NO, that is not what we are saying. Not at all. We are saying being clear, be honest, be predictable ... model what you do to regulate. Be human. Bring those steady and true things to their storm to form trust. Be the safe person that they can seek out, depend on, and learn from. Sometimes that will look "calm" and sometimes it will not.
Our young people need to know that regulation is complicated and no one is calm all the time.
It really was a great discussion... so much so that we've get it going last night and throughout the day today ... and any of you who know Jac know that anything worthy of that many words must be really, really great....
So, yeah, we got to chat with Kristy last night โค๏ธ๐.
Amy referenced this drawing as an example of over simplicity rampant in considering regulation supports these days. So, yeah.... we probably need to level it up.... because it isn't really calm that we're bringing... it's understanding, it's predictability, it's tools and strategies, it's honesty, it's clarity, and it's a sense of I'm here for you while I'm also making sure I'm taking care of me and my regulatory needs, too.
Jac would also like to point out that being a paper boat in water, the ocean less.... is also not super soothing ๐๐
