Music for Grief (2026)

10/08/2022

'Your wounds are your brand'. 🤕
I heard this saying the other day and it struck me. Firstly, I thought about it negatively, in that branding is a kind of identity and I don't feel that it is helpful for us to find identity in our pain. If our wounds become our identity, then we struggle to break free from it, to move on from it, to become something better because of the experience.
Upon reflection though, our wounds can be a way to bring truth, credibility and authenticity to a conversation. Having experienced something oneself makes it possible to guide someone else through it. To help someone else avoid the issues we encountered, creating a safe passageway. In that context, our wounds may brand us as survivors, victors and facilitators in service, and as an example, to others. 💙

30/03/2022

It amazes me how some people deal with intense grief. Understandably, many people become bitter and hardened by the experience and they are never quite able to struggle free. The injustice of their loss stains them to their core and without their permission, it cannot be made clean. Yet others embrace their grief with a faith that fuels an eternal hope, allowing them to breathe, to move forward and make peace with the injustice bestowed upon them.

Having just spent the past few weeks sitting with dear friends of ours, inhabiting a space of incredibly intense grief at the sudden loss of their precious 11 year old boy, I bore witness to the most incredible faith response. In the midst of their own suffering, they comforted others, they spoke of the hope they have in heaven and their resolute conviction that they will indeed see their son again. Their focus on faith in the most horrendous of situations challenged me. Could I respond in the same way, with dignity, faith and grace, in the same set of circumstances? Or would I become bitter and twisted by the sheer injustice of the situation?

The family asked that I sing at the funeral, a powerful modern arrangement of the hymn, 'It is Well with my Soul'. By far the most difficult sing of my career. There is something entirely wrong about singing for an 11 year old boy, one who is incredibly close to my heart and a loss I shall bare for a lifetime.

Yet amidst the chaos and tragedy, the overwhelming grief and pain, we sang that it is well with our souls. May that be so....💙

26/01/2022

"One of the clearest lessons from contemporary neuroscience is that our sense of ourselves is anchored in a vital connection with our bodies." Bessel van der Kolk.

One of the common outworking's of grief is the numbing of our sensations and disconnection from our bodies. Whilst this may make life tolerable in the short term, there is a price to pay in the long term, as we lose the ability to feel fully alive. This can be challenging to restore.

We put our basic needs aside and ultimately starve our bodies of the care it needs to navigate through the stress of loss. The irony is that we can give ourselves to others unreservedly, and ensure that their needs are met, yet we become experts at ignoring our own.

To rebuild the relationship with our body we must find a movement practice that reignites the pathways of communication. That way, we can hear what our mind and bodies need and give ourselves permission to meet those needs as a priority.

Music plays an important part in this process by acting as a motivator if your choice of movement is energetic or as a calming influence if you choose yoga, or as a companion if you choose to walk in nature.

If you are like me, the mere thought of moving is overwhelming. Use music that speaks to you, as you are, to get you up and about. I promise you will feel better.

What music helps you move?

04/01/2022

We build our own prison.
We do it because we think we have to be someone, because we are competitive, because society or family expects something from us. We do it for acceptance.
Is our life worthwhile? Is our contribution worthy of esteem or status? This inherent need to be accepted and to be acceptable to others is a strong driver indeed. However, the need can often override our innermost selves.
We are a work in progress. Pilgrims searching for a safe way home...

For more visit the blog at www.musicforgrief.com

08/12/2021

Not every sound resonates with us and in fact, some may cause our anxiety to increase. 😳

Having recently been released from Covid-19 lockdown in Melbourne, my usual walk around peaceful tree lined streets with beautiful homes and gardens transformed into an anxiety inducing symphony of leaf blowers, lawn mowers, hedge cutters and chain saws. Far too much aural stimuli so early in the morning. Rather than retreat and avoid this routine, which was my initial instinct, I have put in place various tricks to manage this scenario in future.

🔅Using noise cancelling headphones through which I can listen to sound that is peaceful and restorative and block out ambient noise has been a saving grace.
🔅Walking in the opposite direction to the sound, which seems simple enough, but often we are drawn like a magnet to sound so we need to be conscious of our movement.
🔅Walking at times of the day that make it less likely to encounter landscapers or construction workers. (No offence to those industries intended).

How do you manage sounds that increase your anxiety?

Ps. Photo - Isn't he the cutest! 💕

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09/11/2021

I've been reading lately about the role of music therapy in the treatment of trauma. In particular, how music may be used to help shift us from a chronic state of defense to a more regulated state and how it improves capacity for self-regulation and social connection. Trauma and chronic stress turn off our social engagement systems and turn on our fight/flight/freeze defenses. The great news is that we are fearfully and wonderfully made! We each have a portal, the vagal pathways, through which to reverse these disruptive effects. Listening to music targets this portal and rehabilitates our nervous system, restoring us. Help is at hand...💕
Loads more to come on this topic! 🔆

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05/09/2021

Happy Fathers Day to all the amazing fathers out there! 🌟May you be showered with love and care today. 💙

As we warmly celebrate fathers everywhere, we hold a special place for those who have lost their father, those who may not know their father and those who long to be fathers. May you be comforted. 💚

26/08/2021

“The word 'depressed' is spoken phonetically as 'deep rest'. We can view depression not as a mental illness, but on a deeper level, as a profound, and very misunderstood, state of deep rest, entered into when we are completely exhausted by the weight of our own identity.”

- Jeff Foster

The concept of depression being a state of deep rest from ourselves resonated so deeply with me.

It is indeed exhausting, showing up each day having clothed oneself in armour for protection. Remaining strong when you are crying inside. Remaining steadfast even when your strongest instinct is to run. Wondering how long you can hold on for and questioning your purpose.

Ask yourself, who benefits from us pretending to be someone or something we are not?

Then get busy being yourself.

23/08/2021

Lockdown provides the space to consider creativity and how you may use it to find joy amidst the chaos.

For those of us in Melbourne, this is our 6th lockdown. Much of the past 18 months has been riding a rollercoaster of case numbers and hospitalisations rather akin to betting on the lottery.

Finding motivation can be very difficult where there is an absence of hope, but if you are able to reframe how you view lockdown, and get focussed on achieving things that are meaningful to you, lockdown can result in you acquiring a new skill, a qualification, creating a business or simply becoming more flexible from hours of yoga!

I had always wanted to learn piano and whilst I have the musicianship, I fail miserably when it comes to dexterity and co-ordination. Lockdown 6(c) has reignited within me the desire to learn and not waste the precious time and space that this season provides. So I spend a half hour a day, learning piano.

What creative activity have you been pursuing?

15/08/2021

I posted this last week on my personal page after our 6th lockdown due to Covid had been extended. It resonated with many, so I humbly offer it here.

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I know that many people are hurting right now and I acknowledge that there are infinitely varied thoughts, opinions and experiences being shared.

I don’t wish to add pain or offence, I too am simply trying to make sense of all of this. ❤️

Having spent most of my life fighting injustice, I find myself taking on the pain of others and getting frustrated by the fact that I am in no position to fix any of it. It is exhausting.

I have a love/hate relationship with lockdown. On one hand I need the solitude and safety it offers and on the other hand, whilst ever compliant, I realise just how anti-authoritarian I may be. I don’t like being told what I can and can’t do...

But perhaps this isn’t about us at all. Having had many an hour with my thoughts, I am left wondering if this isn’t simply an attitude test. A lesson in how to respond to adversity in all its forms. A very real and practical example of learning to be content in all circumstances.

Whilst I have opinions and thoughts about the politics involved, I find it futile to waste time on it. I simply cannot afford the units of energy. They are too precious to me. I have turned off the news...

Rather than focus on what I don’t have, I have made a conscious choice to find beauty, creativity and joy in the space lockdown provides. Learning piano, learning Italian (properly!), taking photos of nature and doing lots of writing.

I know this is hard, but we are infinitely blessed and perhaps this is a moment in time to remember that.❤️

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21/07/2021

In the midst of yet another Covid lockdown, one may feel incredibly isolated. It may be difficult to muster an ounce of motivation and hope may feel lost. Whilst we acknowledge that we are all in this together, our experience may vary greatly. For those who are dealing with trauma through lockdown, I acknowledge how difficult it is to maintain momentum in recovery as the daily routine that you work so hard to maintain is interrupted and the gumption that you summon to complete each task takes more energy than you may have. This is not easy but equally, not impossible. We must focus on doing one thing that brings us joy in the day. Whether that be singing, playing an instrument, running, dancing, writing or drawing, finding a creative pursuit that you can focus on helps to find meaning in all of this and may even put a smile on your face. 😁

Stop scrolling on social media and go do something creative! 🧡

Music for Grief

10/08/2022

30/03/2022

26/01/2022

04/01/2022

08/12/2021

09/11/2021

05/09/2021

26/08/2021

23/08/2021

15/08/2021

21/07/2021

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