15/04/2025
Beyond Right and Wrong: Understanding Harm Without Losing Compassion
As a society, we often lean into binary thinking, good vs evil, victim vs perpetrator, right vs wrong. These narratives offer comfort. They make the world feel tidy, manageable, morally clear.
But human behaviour, especially at its most extreme, rarely fits so neatly into categories.
I work with people who’ve committed serious offences, and the teams that support them.
When I share this, I’m often met with thinly veiled statements in disguise :
“How can you help people like that?”
“What about the victims?”
As though compassion in one direction invalidates it in another.
But here’s what experience and evidence consistently teach us: two things can be true at once.
Yes, some behaviours are deeply harmful.
And yes, the person behind those behaviours may also be a product of cumulative disadvantage, childhood abuse, entrenched poverty, exposure to violence, disrupted attachment, and systems that failed them long before they harmed anyone else.
When someone is raised in chaos, that chaos becomes their reference point. It shapes how they relate to themselves, others, and the world.
While many transcend these beginnings, research shows that even one protective factor, a caring adult, a moment of safety, a relationship of trust, can be the difference between surviving and spiralling .
Still, public discourse often fails to separate behaviour from identity.
We collapse the two, treating people as irredeemable rather than as human beings shaped by complex and often tragic circumstances.
In doing so, we reinforce shame, stigma, and alienation, all of which increase the risk of reoffending.
This isn’t just a professional observation. It’s also personal.
I’ve been witness to violent crime. I know what it is to feel afraid, angry, even consumed by a sense of injustice.
And yet, even then, I found myself asking:
How did this person, once a child, once innocent, end up here?
Those are the questions that matter:
-What led to this behaviour?
- What pain or absence sits underneath it?
- What access did they have to safety, education, or care?
- And if one or two things in your life had gone differently, could you have ended up somewhere else?
This is not about excusing harm. It’s about understanding it.
Accountability is necessary, but it doesn’t require abandoning empathy.
In fact, without empathy, meaningful accountability rarely occurs.
If we want a safer, more compassionate society, we must get better at holding space for complexity, even when it challenges our instinct to judge.
Everyone, regardless of their past, deserves the chance to be seen, heard, and understood.