Stillsickstillhere

23/04/2026

You are unintentionally powering the versions of yourself you're trying to delete.

23/04/2026

One thing I’ve never belonged to or even had the slightest interest in, is the boys club.
Even when I was little, I just didn’t click with it. I never had the same interests, the same rhythm, the same “this is what we do because we’re boys” script everyone else seemed to memorise by instinct.
I’ve had guy mates over the years. Even a couple who were best friends at the time. But it was never a big group, never that pack‑mentality thing. The closest I ever got was being on sporting teams… and even then, I hated it. I wasn’t there for the bonding. I wasn’t there for the culture. I was just trying to get through it.
And now, as an adult in person and even these little social‑media circles of men doing the boys‑club thing.
Same jokes. Same dynamics. Same hierarchy.
Same clothes. Same shoes. Same everything.
It’s like watching a uniformed identity they all agreed on without ever speaking.
It’s a world I was never meant to be part of, and honestly… I’m good with that.
Some people grow up and realise they were never “one of the boys.” if anything ive always been one of the girls 😅
Some of us were just ourselves this whole time.

23/04/2026

So this isn’t something I’ve really thought about doing, but someone suggested it to me when I mentioned how hard I find it to invest in myself for products. They said maybe I should create an Amazon wishlist for people who might want to gift certain items as a way of support.
I’m still unsure about it, it feels a bit strange to even consider or feels like im asking for handouts.. but maybe I should just set one up and have it sitting there. No pressure, no expectation, just an option for anyone who’s ever wanted to support the work in a more tangible way.
Everything on the list would be things that help me keep creating... tools for filming, somatic gear for stabilisation work, ritual items for the curriculum, and a few practical things that make the workload lighter. Nothing random, nothing unnecessary just things that directly feed back into the work I do here.
If it feels aligned for you, beautiful. If not, that’s completely fine too.
The support you already give just by watching, sharing, commenting, being here, is already massive and more than ive ever expected

23/04/2026

9:09 is a void minute. Erase the static. #909

23/04/2026

If your awakening feels chaotic or confusing, this is the map that shows you exactly where you are and what stabilises each stage.

22/04/2026

Your mind is looping. Flick the "Delete" switch.

22/04/2026

2:33 is a drift minute. Pull yourself back into alignment.

22/04/2026

Your subconscious listens to pulses, not thoughts.

21/04/2026

Ok so this one is a bit of a wild one so buckle up because ive had to share it..
So last night I had one of the strangest experiences of my life and that’s saying something, by now most people know ive done alot of work in cemeteries and been around haunted locations, and around the paranormal world in general and for the last three days I’ve had one weird thing happen every single day.
But last night… that one actually shook me.
An this sounds absolutely insane because my mind is still having trouble processing this..
As I was on the point of just about drifting off to sleep, that in‑between state where your body is heavy but your mind is still aware, my ears where ringing like crazy to the point it was overwhelming and then out of nowhere, I physically felt something wrap itself around my leg right above my knee.
My brain processed it like a snake.
Not metaphorically.
Not symbolically.
My nervous system reacted like something had just grabbed me.
It happened in about five seconds.
I jumped out of bed, ripped the covers off, searching for whatever had touched me because the sensation was so real my leg had that after‑grab tingling,the physical residue that stays in your field after someone actually touches you.
My mind was racing trying to make sense of it.
Was it an animal? A dream?
No.
I was fully awake and I had felt it.
Like someone shaking you to wake you up, Like a hand, a pressure, something that shouldn’t be there.
And then of course I couldn’t sleep.
My system was on high alert because I know the difference between imagination and physical sensation and this was physical.
It felt like something had manifested out of thin air, touched me, and left a cold‑burning imprint behind.
Even now, I can still feel the exact spot where it wrapped around my leg, that weird tingle, that cold, almost burning sensation.
Like the echo of something I still can’t explain.
I don’t know what the hell happened and I’m still trying to process it.
But it was real enough make me literally jump out of bed, scare the s**t out of the cats trying to sleep in the process and kept me awake for over an hour trying to make sense of it.
The other two experiences have been crazy in themselves aswell 😳 which ill explain them in other posts later on today

21/04/2026

You’re breathing in 3D. Split your breath into 5D.

21/04/2026