09/07/2025
A memory popped up from 9 years ago; my office decked out SPIN style with posters of my main man Superman and of course Star Wars too (add Lord of the Rings and you have the trifecta of love!). As you can see, I unfortunately didn't get the ND flare for decorating! š This was long before I knew my neurotype, but I always showed up as 'me'. Even if I didnāt quite know who that was.
Lately Iāve been reflecting on masking and reading so many stories about people hiding their true selves, playing roles, feeling like aliens. But that wasnāt my experience.
I was the āweirdā kid; too much, too sensitive, too emotional. I was called needy, dramatic, a know-it-all. And honestly? I didnāt get it. I didnāt feel weird. I was just being myself. I loved big, felt deeply, was insatiably curious. I was open and kind and craved connection. I didnāt hide that, I didnāt actually know how to.
I wasnāt masking, at least not in the way others describe it. I was fully me, and often rejected. I still donāt fully understand why I was seen as rude or arrogant when I was just being honest, thoughtful, passionate. I wanted deep conversations and connection, but others saw it as confrontational.
I didnāt feel different, but I was treated like I was. I didnāt hide who I was, but it wasnāt accepted either. It was confusing! I didnāt know how to be anything but me.
I think back to that old office with love for the fact that I didn't hide these parts of me. Even then, without the language or understanding, I was creating a space that reflected me. Messy, passionate, nerdy, open-hearted me. But I also think back with such hurt, as I spent most of my days confused and on edge just waiting to get it trouble, just for being 'me.'
When youāve met one neurodivergent person, youāve met one. Our experiences are so diverse. Most things Iāve read on masking havenāt reflected my experience, and for a while, I wondered if that meant I didnāt quite fit, AGAIN. But that doesnāt mean itās wrong. That's the beauty of the neurodiversity affirming movement! It doesn't ask us to fit - it makes space for all of us to show up just as we are.