09/07/2025
A memory popped up from 9 years ago; my office decked out SPIN style with posters of my main man Superman and of course Star Wars too (add Lord of the Rings and you have the trifecta of love!). As you can see, I unfortunately didn't get the ND flare for decorating! 😜 This was long before I knew my neurotype, but I always showed up as 'me'. Even if I didn’t quite know who that was.
Lately I’ve been reflecting on masking and reading so many stories about people hiding their true selves, playing roles, feeling like aliens. But that wasn’t my experience.
I was the ‘weird’ kid; too much, too sensitive, too emotional. I was called needy, dramatic, a know-it-all. And honestly? I didn’t get it. I didn’t feel weird. I was just being myself. I loved big, felt deeply, was insatiably curious. I was open and kind and craved connection. I didn’t hide that, I didn’t actually know how to.
I wasn’t masking, at least not in the way others describe it. I was fully me, and often rejected. I still don’t fully understand why I was seen as rude or arrogant when I was just being honest, thoughtful, passionate. I wanted deep conversations and connection, but others saw it as confrontational.
I didn’t feel different, but I was treated like I was. I didn’t hide who I was, but it wasn’t accepted either. It was confusing! I didn’t know how to be anything but me.
I think back to that old office with love for the fact that I didn't hide these parts of me. Even then, without the language or understanding, I was creating a space that reflected me. Messy, passionate, nerdy, open-hearted me. But I also think back with such hurt, as I spent most of my days confused and on edge just waiting to get it trouble, just for being 'me.'
When you’ve met one neurodivergent person, you’ve met one. Our experiences are so diverse. Most things I’ve read on masking haven’t reflected my experience, and for a while, I wondered if that meant I didn’t quite fit, AGAIN. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. That's the beauty of the neurodiversity affirming movement! It doesn't ask us to fit - it makes space for all of us to show up just as we are.