13/05/2024
People often have parts in conflict about what action to take, or whether to take an action. Do exercise, leave a job, tell so-and-so how I feel… We often have a part that wants to and a part that doesn’t want to.
There’s a trap here.
If we think that this is an either-or situation, where one or the other has to win, we are lost. We may think we are “Self-in-Presence,” but we are actually caught in the polarized world of the parts.
The urge to negotiate or to set limits comes from this narrow idea, that the parts are opposites and this conflict has to be controlled. We don’t want to go there.
Here’s what I would recommend instead:
1. (Say “I am sensing something in me that wants to do [X] AND I am sensing something in me that doesn’t want to do [X] at all.”
2. Say, “Both are here, and I am here with both.”
3. Sense if it feels right to stay with both or if one needs attention first.
4. With one of them, compassionately sense what it doesn’t want or wants FROM the action it recommends.
You – Self-in-Presence – are not taking sides or deciding. You are going deeper with curiosity into what is driving each side.
This is not getting “information,” this is a change process. When the part is heard for its deeper not-wanting, lots can change… and without effort. Certainly without negotiating.
