23/11/2020
I spent about six years in the North Indian Himalayas.
It’s very beautiful, but not always easy. Hot summers, freezing winters, monsoon rains, constant blackouts, tummy bugs. And don’t get me started about the post office.
Still, I remember it very fondly. Despite the difficulties, I’d do it all again, which brings up an interesting point.
What actually does it mean to be … happy?
Back then on my free days, I would often hike into the mountains.
I’d take some potatoes, butter and other things I knew Tibetans liked and go visit meditators living up above my village.
A few simple gifts like this would earn me some fascinating conversation (I speak Tibetan) and some time in the mountains. Not to mention some exercise!!
Some had lived there for years in small huts made of stones or in caves with walls and doors they’d added. It was bare minimum shelter from the elements, bears and leopards.
And these are still some of the happiest people I’ve ever met.
Happiness is something that philosophers have been discussing since before the ancient Greeks and are no closer to an agreement now then they were then.
Psychologists are also having a go, but there is little agreement on what it is, let alone how to measure it and what causes it.
One thing they agree on more and more is that having things is only part of the picture. We need more than material wealth to actually feel content and happy.
In fact, they are finding that prioritising wealth leads to insecurity, stress and poor mental health. But it’s genuinely hard to find an alternative - we shouldn’t have to live in Himalayan caves to be happy!
So here’s a way of thinking about happiness that I learned in India. It’s not just been helpful to me, but I’ve found it to be easily accepted everywhere I’ve presented it.
There are 2 types of happiness ..
1. Hedonic Happiness:
Happiness or wellbeing derived from what we get from the world.
2. Genuine Happiness (Eudaimonia):
Happiness or wellbeing derived from what we bring to the world.
I like this presentation (it’s been around for thousands of years), because there’s no third option. Happiness is very clearly divided into two distinct types.
I’ll bet you’re already thinking about these as “good and bad” types of happiness, but this is a mistake. A drink when you’re thirsty, umbrella when it’s raining etc. are examples of hedonic happiness.
You need it, but it’s only temporary.
The only way hedonic happiness causes you problems is if you mistake it for genuine.
You’ve probably chased after causes of short term happiness, expecting a much bigger pay-off than you got. I know it's likely, because I've asked hundreds of people over the years if they've done this.
And almost everyone says "yes."
It always ends in disappointment because we expected more. In worst case scenarios, people resign themselves to a hamster wheel of hard work and dissatisfaction.
They don’t believe genuine happiness exists - even though they probably have had some experience of it.
Just being still - maybe in a beautiful natural setting.
Being there to comfort or help a friend (or even a stranger).
Even just hearing about an act of kindness and generosity can be a source of genuine happineses.
The research even backs this up.
Which brings me back to my mountain-dwelling Tibetan yogi friends.
The level of poverty they experience would cause most of us a lot of stress. The external conditions are quite harsh - even for them.
But they’ve learned to prioritise genuine happiness over hedonic.
They’re truly happy to get a visitor - they love to chat and they need to eat, but even if I hadn’t shown up, they had techniques to be content without me and my gifts.
And it’s these techniques that we need more than ever in the 21st century. We have so much technology that we should be the happiest generations in history, but the opposite is actually true.
So where do you start?
Simply understanding how your emotions and attention works.
Then a little bit of training to notice your emotions before they get the better of you. Before you’re distracted by the next shiny thing or dragged into a pit of rumination and worry.
And learn where your attention (and the actions that follow) are going to be the cause of genuine happiness for yourself and those around you.
Then you’ve got plenty of time to cultivate the happiness you’re searching for. And not being caught up by the stress you'll inevitably feel at times.
It’s not rocket science - and it’s much, much more important.
If you want to get started, here's what to do:
1: Join the free group over here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/performunderpressure
2: Leave me a comment or message me and say "I'd like to know more."
Stay happy!
Corey
