13/10/2025
We’re all full of s**t.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a war zone. Seriously, mate, try & learn how to stay connected, even when you disagree.
Ever found yourself saying, ‘Yeah, but you do it too!’ in the middle of a fight with your partner? That’s defensiveness — and while it’s a totally bloody human reaction, it’s also one of the biggest roadblocks (see I resisted using the profanity word I would’ve preferred to use. I’m learning ho to be professional) to healthy communication.
Heard of the Gottman method? John and Julie Gottman stress defensiveness is one of the Four Horsemen of relationship breakdown — and for good reason.
It stops us from hearing our partner, shifts blame, and sends the message: ‘The problem isn’t me, it’s you.’ Over time, that chips away at trust, emotional safety, and connection.
F that s**z
Defensiveness feels so instinctive, but it actually makes things worse, and how taking even a tiny bit of responsibility can help defuse tension and move you forward — together.
