05/01/2026
4 Lessons from Fatherhood Thus Far
1. Regulation Before Reaction
When my baby cries quite hardcore, I have the opportunity every time to meet my emotions and not get triggered by the loud noise or his need for me. I self-soothe so I can be a grounding, stable, big mighty tree for him to feel safe. Crying is the only way he can communicate. When I stay calm and create containment, he settles quicker. I don’t judge him and I don’t shush him. Why tell a baby to shush when he’s just communicating? We say, “thank you so much for communicating.”
2. Inclusion Over Sacrifice
The common narrative is that having a child means sacrificing your whole way of life. I include him. He wakes early between 5–6am, we go outside, his feet touch the earth, we do karakia, we breathe, and we ground together. I play music and work out with him. Children don’t do what you tell them, they do what you do. By including baby in my practices and training, he naturally joins. I include him in adult and sacred spaces, and because of this, his nervous system is more regulated.
3. Supporting the Mother
Supporting the mother, my love, is essential. No matter how tired I am from work, I help with baby, cooking, cleaning, and caring for my partner. A friend once said, “you just dig into the peanut butter and find more,” meaning you find the energy to support. A healthy, happy, regulated mother means a healthy, happy, regulated baby.
4. Environment Shapes the Nervous System
A nourishing, soothing environment supports the nervous system of baby and māmā. We prefer low dim or candle lighting. We don’t have or want a TV. We eat healing foods, communicate, and process emotions. We don’t have screens in our face when we’re with baby. We don’t let him cry alone. We soothe him and give him as much as we can, and as a result he is calm, regulated, growing, and thriving. He has naturally found his own sleep rhythm, sleeping between 8–9 and pretty much through the night.
