Vera Brok Counselling and Psychotherapeutic Services

25/07/2025

24/07/2025

I dare say, the most valuable part of my professional development has been, and still is, to be at the receiving end of therapy myself. I just love what I do! Read more on how I am not the expert, of you.
https://wix.to/i4tBd1J

I would like to bust a myth About therapists (such as myself): I am not the expert, Of you. My qualifications don't give the answers, To the questions of your Heart. Even if you would tell me all, About you. I cannot truly know the darkness of your sorrows, Nor the depths of your fears, And I would....

22/07/2025

I bring myself home,

To me.

And so,

I find my Home,

In the world.

Finally.

The parts that I evicted,

That I banned to the attic of my conscious,

The aspects of me that I deemed were too much,

too threatening or unwelcome to the world,

Those parts that I learnt to fear and hate.

Those parts of myself that I worked so hard to forget,

And even those parts that I dearly love,

But felt had to remain hidden.

I bring them home, to me.

Welcome, welcome,

Welcome...

And as we sit around the fireplace,

The veil of the past,

left outside on the porch.

We remember each other as friends

Not foes

I bring myself home to me,

And in that intimate space,

Where I welcome all of myself,

I bring myself home,

In the World.

03/06/2025

💛Working in the helping profession after a natural disaster💛

When working in an organization that provides community support, the focus after a natural disaster naturally shifts the vulnerable individuals and communities being served. Most people in the helping industry are motivated by genuine compassion and dedication. Perhaps you are one of them, drawn to the meaningfulness and relevance of the work, aligned with the organization’s values, inspired by personal experiences you wish to pay forward, or simply driven by a deep care for others. There are many reasons that lead individuals to this type of work, and many of us tend to prioritize others’ needs before our own.

In the aftermath of a natural disaster, attention and care often immediately go to the clients—how they are coping and what additional support they may require. The ability to provide assistance, whether through practical support or simply offering a listening ear, can bring a sense of comfort, strength, and relief to your own feelings of anxiety, shock, grief, or despair. After all, as part of the affected community, you too may have experienced direct or indirect losses, such as damage to your home loss of belongings or animals, or disruptions to your work environment.

Helping others can feel empowering in the wake of a disaster, which inherently leaves us feeling powerless. However, an exclusive focus on others can lead to empathy fatigue. You may begin to feel numb, irritable, or notice a diminished capacity to care for clients or colleagues as you once did. Perhaps you can still perform your work, but upon returning home, find yourself mentally and emotionally drained, reacting harshly to your partner, children, or even your pet. These unfamiliar reactions might lead to self-judgment, prompting you to “push through,” stay strong, and avoid appearing self-centered. Unfortunately, this mindset only increases stress and emotional exhaustion, exacerbating irritability.

Empathy fatigue is not a sign of “weakness” or “selfishness”. It is not a sign of a decline in your moral compass. Empathy fatigue, irritability, moodiness, numbness, withdrawal, or any of these uncomfortable feelings, is a sign that something inside of you needs your attention. And I can hear some of you say: “Yes, but with the previous floods I could continue just fine! Why not now? I never felt like this?! Why not this time?”.
And this is so true. The strategy of focusing on others first is a great one. It brings a lot; think of love, gratefulness, meaning, etc. Until it doesn’t. Until the proverbial bucket overflows, or conversely, is empty. Because we all have needs. Not only the people we serve. Having needs does not make us weak, that makes us human. So, when you notice yourself snapping at someone, take a break, take a step back. Bring some curiosity towards yourself, as you would towards your clients to understand what the need is underneath your own discomfort. Some needs that you may recognise are below:

🫂💗The need to be taken care of by someone.
This is such a universal human need. After all, this is how we enter the world; depending on others. This need does not vanish after we hit 18 years old. We are mammals and social beings. This means that the need for connection and interdependency is on of the most fundamental needs. Interestingly, many helpers think that when they have needs, or can’t do it themselves, it is a sign of weakness. The need for connection and care has nothing to do with character, but all to do with nature. It may help here to ask yourself; what care experience would I have really needed from someone? And how can I give that to myself? Or, who in my environment would I feel safe with to ask?
🥀Survivor guilt
It can be hard to not feel guilty, when others have lost everything. You may feel sad, responsible or have feelings of remorse. How can you go on with life, when others’ lives and livelihoods have been put on hold or taken away? Somehow, fun and jokes seem to feel inappropriate and daily worries that others are struggling with, so futile. Sometimes, out of a loyalty towards the ones who are suffering, we stop enjoying life too.
What are some activities that you used to enjoy doing? Are there some people whose company you used to enjoy? How could you bring more of these tiny islands of lightness back into your life?
👷‍♀️👷‍♂️The need to fix
Many helpers pride themselves in being able to fix or solve problems for others or make them feel better somehow. Not being able to fix, or immediately alleviate the pain and suffering that someone is going through, can evoke deep feelings of helplessness, anxiety and overwhelm within. Feelings that we rather avoid. Or, differently put, the ability to fix has been a way for many helpers to not have to feel their own helplessness and discomfort around witnessing suffering. However, suffering is part of life, just as much as joy is. And most people who are suffering, don’t ask that you fix their feelings. Instead, they want to be witnessed, and honoured in the magnitude of the fate that struck them, so that through your ability to stay with their suffering (without the need to fix!) they can remember their own strength and courage to carry it.
🏝The need for “nothing”
Life may have been already filled with duties before the disaster, and now you seem to be only surrounded by priorities, urgencies, raging emotions, and endless to-do lists that all seem to require your immediate attention. Talk about overwhelming! No wonder a part inside of you longs to withdraw, crawl deep underneath the blanket when the alarm wakes you in the morning and not want to face the day. I repeat: no wonder! It is so much! If you notice being overwhelmed by the amount of things to do, try and take a step back. It is okay to say “no” and not to help everyone. Again, we are only human. Try and focus on max. 2-3 tasks/projects a day. Be realistic about what you can take on and what not. Most often it is more helpful to be upfront when you can’t do something because of a lack of capacity, so that expectations can be managed.
🌒The need to grieve
The floods have left a trail of devastation. Maybe you lost some of your belongings, or your entire livelihood. Or maybe you feel the grief when walking or driving around places that have been the backdrop to many memories, but look now unrecognisable. There is no exclusive right to grief. And grief takes time. It is a natural and complex feeling that holds a mixture of a broad range of emotions that may come and go over an extended period of time. Grief is flavoured by the deep sadness caused by the loss; the love and memories that were tied to the loss; anger, frustration and questioning in an attempt to make sense of the loss; existential feelings related to transience, death and loss of identity or purpose. There is no straight road through grief, and every “stage” or feeling may require a something different for you. It is easy to fill your life up quickly as not to feel the grief. If you notice that you have a need to grief, create some space and time to feel these feelings. Rituals can help to give the loss meaning and a place in your life.

As a helper, remember you are enough. So let this crisis become an invitation to grow together as human beings, in our humaneness. Learning to take care of our needs, fears and whirling emotions. So, we can find the cracks in the darkness, where the light can shine through. And let every act of support become a practice to care for ourselves with the same love as we would care for others. So, our light can help others find their way.

28/05/2025

Sharing this for all the people who are affected directly, or indirectly by the floods in our area. Even though you may find yourself inundated with cleaning, arranging insurances, funding, finding a new place, and countless other practical logistics to feel that you are moving forward, it can be helpful to take a moment to read the article below. There are general stages that most of us affected will go through. Recognising and understanding where you are, and what may be ahead of you on an emotional and mental level, can help you prepare, and move through it a bit more easily.

From: CAMFT Psychological Stages of a Disaster (2025), as described on PsychologyToday:

1. Pre-Disaster Phase

The pre-disaster phase is marked by anticipation and anxiety. It’s when we feel the weight of an approaching threat but haven’t yet experienced the crisis. We might begin to prepare—pack bags, check evacuation routes, or, as I did, download apps like Watch Duty. In this phase, it’s normal to feel uncertainty or even denial.

Acknowledging the fear can help us stay grounded and take the necessary steps to cope—whether we make plans to evacuate or simply sit with the uncomfortable emotions.

2. Impact Phase

The impact phase occurs when the disaster becomes real. I remember going for a walk in my neighborhood and seeing a glowing red haze just over the hill from where I live. It was the moment I realized how close the fire actually was and that I might have to evacuate.

The impact phase is when we feel shock and confusion and are overwhelmed by an immediate threat. I found myself paralyzed for a moment, unsure of what to do next.

This phase is marked by fear and disbelief. It can feel like everything is happening too fast, and it’s difficult to think clearly or logically. It’s a time of survival when our brains go into “fight or flight” mode. Responses can vary widely depending on the nature of the disaster and our personal coping mechanisms.

Finding grace or some type of self-regulation tool, like box breathing or tapping, during this phase is important because we’re not going to have all the answers or know what’s coming next.

3. Heroic Phase

The heroic phase follows the initial shock and describes when the need to act becomes urgent. It’s when courage and selflessness emerge, and we may feel a surge of adrenaline. People often come together to help one another during a crisis.

This is the phase we check in with our neighbors or friends. It’s when we may volunteer with a local organization. It’s when people start to post on social media about where to donate or what I mentioned earlier about how I wanted to do something that made me feel “useful.”

The surge of adrenaline brings a rush of energy, but it can also be exhausting. It’s common to feel a sense of purpose and even a heightened sense of connection with others. But once the energy fades, so does the initial “high.”

The heroic phase is necessary for survival, but it can’t last forever. It’s important to be mindful of the toll it takes. This is especially relevant for first responders and people who work in helping professions.

4. Honeymoon Phase (Days to Weeks After)

The honeymoon phase is the emotional high that follows an immediate crisis. People feel relief, gratitude, and optimism. They feel like they’re going to be OK and they can “get through this together.”

But the optimism is often short-lived. As the recovery process begins, the reality of what’s to come begins to set in. Like a honeymoon, this phase is temporary. The honeymoon phase offers a reprieve, but the lasting work of recovery takes more time.

5. Disillusionment Phase (Weeks to Months After)

Similar to coming down from a high, the disillusionment phase begins after the adrenaline wears off, and the work of rebuilding takes an emotional toll. Frustration, exhaustion, anger, and rage are common. I remember feeling rage as I heard some of the fires were caused by arson.

The optimism of the honeymoon phase isn’t as salient, and the reality of what life will be like after the disaster feels like a punch in the stomach and like the world we once knew has come to an end. The time it will take to have some semblance of normalcy feels massive, and the emotional toll of dealing with the aftermath may feel insurmountable.

It’s OK, and even normal, to feel like things will never improve. But this phase is necessary before true growth can happen. We have to reckon with the emotional reality of rebuilding and what our new life will look like. It’s also where true healing begins.

6. Reconstruction or Recovery Phase (Months to Years After)

The recovery phase reminds me of the 12-step recovery concept of “acceptance” and is about accepting that healing is a process. It’s not just about restoring what was lost; it’s about taking what we learned from the experience, allowing ourselves to grieve, and transforming the pain into something good on behalf of others.

We don’t need to experience challenges to arrive at our purpose. When we can find purpose in our challenges, though, we create transformation.

The recovery phase helps us find meaning amid the destruction. The outcome of recovery may be unknown, but it’s in this phase that we begin to feel hope and find purpose in the process of renewal.

While the devastation, loss, and trauma from a natural disaster is a serious subject, and naming its effects is no easy feat, healing is possible, and understanding the six psychological stages of a disaster can be incredibly helpful when navigating trauma.

The journey ahead may be long, but it’s one we don’t have to walk alone.

21/04/2023

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." ~ Carl Jung He sat across of the counsellor. Shoulders hanging, head down. Defeated. Again, he was betrayed by a loved one. The third time. He had not seen it coming. Sadness alternated with anger. He was...

29/09/2022

Today someone told me that there are people out there who think suicidal ideation is a mental illness, because these people would not have the "inherent will to survive". I have seen many people over the years who were suicidal, or, sometimes thought of how it would be if... And I learnt a lot from them. Especially about survival.

Suicidal ideation does not develop overnight.
It is not a lack of survival instinct.
People who start thinking of su***de have been surviving for a long time. Often, they exerted all the options that they could see to make things better.
They tried everything that was within their means;
ignore the dark feelings, just continue to live, move on after trauma, try to forget, seek help, get medication, try to talk to friends, or stay quiet...

These people have been surviving for months, years, sometimes even decades.
Not LIVING, like you and I, no, surviving.
Every day.
Trying to get through another day.
Imagine fighting to keep your head above water whilst the waves are growing bigger,
You feel you are drifting further away from land.
You swim, you kick, paddle, choke in the water, to no avail.
Every day, you would swim against the current and not find a place to catch a breath,
Judging yourself because you think you should be able to swim as effortlessly like all the others around you.
The thought starts to take hold of you that there must be something wrong with you.
You become quiet, put up a facade, because you want so desperately join the others in LIFE.
And if you find the guts to be vulnerable and share glimpses of your darkest pit,
If you gathered the courage to tell someone that sometimes you feel like giving up,
they brush it off, tell you not to say such things, be angry or panic and get concerned for you.
And you don’t want to drag them with you.
So, you are swimming by yourself again, in that stormy ocean. Pouring rain.
And then, when you are depleted,
When there are no other ways and resources anymore opening up to you.
You have no more energy to look for ways out or forward, when everything,
even surviving is costing too much energy,
when the hope is lost that you can one day LIVE, instead of merely survive, or even exist,
then it is a very sensible idea that maybe relief and peace can be found in death.
Because that is the only thing you have not tried yet.

Surviving is usually a temporary state, which bridges the transition from the experience of a traumatic event to a state of LIVING, where you can experience the joy, life energy and excitement of a vibrant future again.
To call suicidal ideation a mental illness because these people do so-called not have the will to survive, is plain devaluating, disrespectful and very UNHELPFUL. If anyone knows about survival, it is these people who have been living in the shadows between life and death, these people who have been surviving every day.
Suicidal ideation is a SYMPTOM of people who had to SURVIVE, all alone, for too long. It is an answer to an unresolved state of survival.

So please, if someone talks to you about giving up, be that piece of driftwood in their wild ocean. So they don’t have to swim for that bit. Listen, stay close, open your heart. So they can share their thoughts and shadows without feeling that there is something wrong with them. So they can safely unfold themselves without having to be concerned to be treated as a pariah.
Life is already hard enough.
When you are drowning, a diagnosis that your swimming skills are not good enough is not helping. You need a hand, warmth, loving eyes that tell you that they will stay with you, and that you are not alone.

29/09/2022

Thank you for being here. Welcome to this online space, where you can hopefully unwind, reflect, find grounding, and a sense of connection.