Honestly Emma

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Honestly Emma

I am an Integrative Pharmacist, Functional Medicine Practitioner and Nutrition Health Coach. Nourish

I am a mother of 3 beautiful children who is passionate about healthy living. I believe healthy living is not only about nourishing your body with healthy food, but also nourishing your soul. I am a Pharmacist, Functional Medicine Practitioner and Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, and combine over 15 years of experience, to help clients delve deeply to find the root cause of their health issues, rather than just treat their symptoms. I am on a mission to educate people about a new paradigm of health care, guiding them to investigate and understand their unique bodies, and create the ideal balance between body, mind, soul and heart - because loving the journey is key to enjoying health and vitality.

16/02/2025

Elke would have started school last week. My little 5 year old would have started big school.

As fate would have it, it was my job to arrange the balloon welcome arch and selfie frame for first day photos for the little Kinders at our school. Her classmates.

She is supposed to be here, but she isn’t. A reality that can still take my breath away.

I went early to set up and tried to make sure I had left before any little people started to arrive. I did see some of the mums who were pregnant at the same time as me, turning up to with their little ones. That should have been me taking first day photos, but it wasn’t.

The whole thing feels surreal. It’s the realisation that our lives are running in parallel. The life I was supposed to live is still continuing on for others. It’s like I stepped off the train, and it kept going, leaving me behind. I watch on as they mark all of these special milestones.

For so long I longed to be on their train. I fantasised about it, longed for it.

But I’ve finally rested in a place of acceptance. My train is still moving, it’s just 3 years behind the one I was supposed to be on.

In 3 years time that will be me. Turning up for Iggy’s first day, taking the photos, sending my littlest love off to school.

I realise just how lucky I am that I get a chance to do that. I think that is one of the greatest gifts that Elke has given me. The absolute gratitude for my 4 living children and the moments I get with them every day. Especially the moments I get with Iggy. I feel I’ve been given a second chance to savour those moments.

So while this past week has been heavy on my heart, I’m ok. So many reminders of what could have been been. So many moments wondering what life would have looked like had Elke stayed. Something I find so hard to imagine.

But this life I get to live, with 4 children in my arms and my baby girl in my heart, IS beautiful.

I think it’s taken me 5 years to arrive at this place. Where I can hold both pain and joy simultaneously. Longing and gratitude. Heartbreak and hope. And love. So much love 🫶🏼
Elke. Always my greatest teacher.

Image by

07/11/2024

🌸 Elke is 5 🌸

It definitely feels softer this year, but still wishing she was here. Thinking about what could have been. What should have been.

Thinking about how much my life has changed because of her. There have been incredible gifts I have received in the years since her death. Gifts I am grateful for. But there has also been so many secondary losses. And those hurt deeply.

I think about all I have been through and how it has changed me. Time has mended my broken heart, but I know I’m not yet who I am meant to be.

This new version of me.
She hasn’t emerged yet.
But she is coming. I can feel her there.
She is coming, slowly.

All of this rattles around inside of me on a daily basis. The thoughts of the life not lived. Hers and mine.

But then my mind struggles to reconcile the fact that if she WAS here, Iggy wouldn’t be. That is an impossible thought to hold.

Life these days is filled with so much joy. My 4 living children bring me so much purpose and joy. I am grateful I have them by my side. I see the absolute gift that they are.

It’s a hard thing to balance, the complete gratitude for all that I have, and the longing for Elke to be here. For things to be different.

After years of wishing things WERE different, I’m beginning to realise, maybe they are exactly as they need to be.

This is a new chapter for me, and I’m slowly feeling into it. I’m not sure if my heart is truly comfortable with that statement, but I’m working on it.

My baby girl, you have taught me so much, and continue to teach me so much. I am who I am because of you. Everything I have is because of you.

Happy birthday darling girl. Forever my baby. I hope you’re celebrating with all of your friends in the stars tonight ✨

I love you Elke 💖

01/05/2024

4 year old Elke 🪽

I always wonder who she would be. Would she have dark, wavy hair? Would she have brown eyes like mine?

I see 4 yr old little girls and I get lost in my thoughts realising what we have missed. The opportunity to experience life with someone just like this little girl in front of me. I stare, and am shocked to see how big she would actually be.

She exists as a baby in my mind. She always will. But at the same time she grows up every year. It’s hard to reconcile what that means.

I commissioned to draw a picture of 4 yr old Elke for me. I need her to grow with our family.

This is how I picture her. Wearing one of Mia’s dresses, holding her bunny. I can’t see her face. Even my wildest dreams don’t allow me to see her face.

So this is my vision of my girl. Beautiful 4 yr old Elke. I’ve waited 4 months for her to be able to be in her new home. And here she is.

I plan to write more this year, and this is Elke on my writing desk in our new home 🥰

My beautiful girl. Forever my inspiration. My why. My muse 💖

16/02/2024

Blink 🤟🏼 Best experience of my life

14/01/2024

Getting organised for 2024✏️ Not really sure where the last 4 years have gone…. It’s been mainly surviving.

Grief works differently for different people, but for me, it wiped my slate clean.

Nothing mattered. There was nothing to do, nowhere to be, and nothing to do. Except be with my family and survive each day.

Productivity of any kind went out the window and I simply managed to get through each day, each week and each month.

I deeply honoured the grieving process and was comfortable sitting in my emotions and feeling my way through them all.

But geez. It was a lot. It took time. So much time.

And then I had a newborn and fell deep into the postpartum world.

It seems I’m just coming up for air.

4 years of grieving my baby, trying for our 🌈, growing, birthing and nourishing him.

It feels like I’ve lived a lifetime in those 4 years, but also feels like I’ve done nothing. Time is warped.

Life has been happening to me.

2024 is the first time I have felt like I am looking ahead.

Planning. Visioning. Dreaming.
Holidays. Solo trips.
Me time.

2024 is the year I’m choosing to be more intentional with my time.

Let’s see what joy that can bring 💗

28/12/2023

14 years by your side 💍

It seemed a great idea to get married 3 days after Xmas when we were 30.

Didn’t really consider that 14 years and 5 kids later - finding time to celebrate together just doesn’t happen at this time of year 😝

I’m so grateful for every moment we get to spend together. Life is fragile and beautiful and I’m glad I am spending it with you ❤️

07/11/2023

🌸 Elke is 4 🌸

Happy birthday in the stars darling girl ✨What a day you turned on for us today.

The sun peeked through the dark clouds to give us the most beautiful sunrise. And after days of rain, we had a magical sunny day to celebrate you.

Every day I miss you. I wish that I got to see you grow up. I wish that I knew the colour of your eyes and the sound of your voice. Everyday I will wonder what life would have been like if you were here.

As time has gone on I have learnt to carry you with me everywhere I go. I feel you in the sunrise, I feel you in the ocean, I see you in the moon. You are with me in all the little moments in my day.

We sang you happy birthday and wished that you were here to blow your candles out.

Thank you for choosing me to be your mumma. You are a special little girl. You’ve connected me with so many beautiful people. Friends that are only in my life because of you.

I love you and miss you every day. Happy birthday baby girl 💕

01/11/2023

November 1st.
A date in the calendar that marks the beginning of a very difficult week.
Today 4 years ago, I first noticed less movement and didn’t act on it.
I wish I knew then what I know now.
I wish I had gone to hospital. I wish I had called my midwife. I wish I could rewind time and make different decisions.

My body remembered before I did. I woke very early this morning and immediately was taken back to that day. I knew it was going to be an emotional day for me today.

It was divine timing then (and totally unplanned) that I was booked in to finally get a tattoo to honour Elke today. A date not chosen by me but given to me as the only option.

It’s amazing how the Universe conspires to give you what you need. I NEEDED this today.

2 tattoos in honour of my baby girl. Forever inscribed on my wrist. Her beautiful name for all to see.

And a heart within a heart. Elke inside of me. Where she spent her whole life 🥹

I love them and have waited 4 years for this. I have been TTC, pregnant or breastfeeding. This was the first chance to finally get my tattoos.

Thank you .tattoo for the most special art.

Elke, I love you. Now I get to carry you with me everyday. On the inside and on the outside.

Always in my heart baby girl. Forever 💕

07/08/2023

And so our breastfeeding journey has come to an end 😢

My body has produced milk for 5 babies, but I only got to feed 4. The fact that I got to do this again for my 4th and final time, I am just so incredibly grateful.

Knowing everything I missed with Elke, I have treasured these 16 months with every single feed.

I have been more relaxed and fed on demand. I’ve forgotten the strict routines I used with my older 3.

If he has woken at night I have fed to soothe, instead of letting him cry himself back to sleep.

If he has been upset during the day I have offered a feed, no longer worried it would mess up his routine 🙄

I have fed for longer than 12 months because I wanted to, not stopping because all the baby books encourage you to wean by 12 months.

All of this has meant Iggy has been the worst sleeper out of all of our kids 🫣, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

He only recently slept through the night, when all of the other slept through from about 12 weeks. I thought I had this mothering thing sorted. I thought strict routine was the only answer!

But Iggy has helped me see things differently. He has given me everything I needed.

Actually, maybe it was Elke who gave me everything I needed. She gave me a deep appreciation for my children. She made me realise how lucky I am to have Iggy in my arms, alive, breathing, crying and keeping me up in the night.

How lucky I am to be woken up by his cries. How lucky I am that I get to soothe him and rock him back to sleep. How lucky I am that I can calm him during the day with a feed. How lucky I have been to feed and nourish another baby.

I wasn’t actually ready to stop. Logistics meant I needed to cut down my feeds, and then my body decided it was time💔

I have a deep appreciation for the 4.5 years I have spent breastfeeding my babies. I am so sad this chapter has closed 😭

So thankful that captured photos like these at my mums 70th birthday shoot. A candid shot feeding him while my kids and their cousins played on the beach. This special moment captured forever 🩵

24/06/2023

YOU DON’T JUST LOSE SOMEONE ONCE
You lose them over and over,
sometimes in the same day.
When the loss, momentarily forgotten, creeps up, and attacks you from behind. Fresh waves of grief as the realisation hits home, they are gone.
Again.

You don’t just lose someone once,
you lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn, and as you awaken, so does your memory,
so does the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart, they are gone.
Again.

Losing someone is a journey,
not a one-off. There is no end to the loss, there is only a learned skill on how to stay afloat, when it washes over.

Be kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea, they have a journey ahead of them, and a daily shock to the system each time they realise, they are gone.
Again.

You don’t just lose someone once,
you lose them every day,
for a lifetime.

Wonderfully written by the amazing Donna Ashworth ❤️❤️❤️

21/06/2023

I’ve come to realise that over time, grief finds a little place inside your body and builds an egg shell veneer around itself. It stays contained, hidden, protected, until the smallest of things crack its shell, and then the grief comes pouring out.

That happened for me yesterday, hearing the name Elke yelled and cheered at an athletics meet my son was competing in.

I could feel the grief escape 💔 To be honest, it has been trying to escape for a while. But life with a baby is incredibly busy, add a new house build, a boisterous puppy, other kids - and it’s been really hard to find the space to let my grief have some airtime.

But today I found space - I scheduled in time for my grief. I took myself to Elke’s special place by the water and was ready to let the tears come. I was ready for a really big release. But there were no tears.

As soon as I sat down I looked up and there was a huge pod of dolphins in the water. So many of them just lulling about in front of me. I was there for 2.5 hours and they were there the WHOLE time.

I have been reading this book - Signs by . It’s about being open to and asking for signs. As I walked to the beach I asked Elke for a sign. And she delivered ✨The dolphins kept me company during my grief session.

It’s exactly what I needed today. A message from her that she is here with me, that we are connected, that I can ask her to send me a sign and she will.

My science brain fights with my spiritual beliefs all of the time. I believe in all of this, I do, but my sceptical brain is always trying to over ride things😵‍💫

I spent close to 3 hours watching the waves, watching the dolphins play, reading my book, journaling and thinking of Elke. It was special, and a reminder how important it is to carve out time and space for grief.

Thank you baby girl, I had a beautiful day with you 💖☀️🐬

I believe. I 100% believe you are here✨

03/06/2023

Today we met Banksia Bloom 🌸
A special little girl. Her mumma says she is here because of Elke 🥹

Knowing our story, her mama was 35+5 when she noticed Banksia wasn’t as active at 10am like usual. She kept going about her day but Elke’s story kept playing on her mind. She decided to go into hospital to get checked.

That decision almost certainly saved Banksia’s life.

It was incredibly emotional to hear their story today. To hold Banksia and marvel at the miracle that she is here. To think about the impact that Elke has had on their family. To realise that our heartache helped another family avoid their own. And most importantly, that this mama listened to her intuition. Something that I wish that I had done.

It made me realise the power in sharing our stories. The power in sharing our babies. Their stories can save others.

I can’t change the decisions and actions that I took, but I can help change the decisions others take.

This mama knew if you EVER feel less movement, ALWAYS ALWAYS get checked. She knew this because I had shared Elke’s story with her.

I shed tears today holding little Banksia Bloom. The teeniest little bundle of perfection. Her mama shed tears too.

We had a moment where we realised our paths crossed for a reason. And that reason was this little girl. Here because of my little girl 💖🥹

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