20/08/2023
The narcissist's lying and manipulation knows no bounds. From my experience, I believe it is so ingrained that there is actually no capacity for the narcissist to know when they are lying and manipulating. It is second nature. BUT, it can only touch for as long as there is an inkling of belief or hope in you that the reality is other than it is. So basically, both the narcissist and the co-dependent are on the same wavelength of falsehood. You can call it fantasy if you want to be nice.
If you look at the situation head on, with no hope and no false belief then the narcissist will eventually fall away. A good way of doing this is to write down the sequence of events focussing on ACTIONS. What did they do and what did you do.
Don't give in to your doubts, your questioning of your own reality or your deep compassion and forgiveness. Stay firm in your SEEING of what is taking place, with no excuses.
REMEMBER, this experience is not about them, it is about you. They are merely an instrument, an actor in your play. Stop and look into your inner workings, your need for validation and approval. Your need to have someone else fill your void. See yourself, begging bowl in hand, asking for it to be filled. See this and KNOW that they CAN'T PROVIDE this. They are the LAST PERSON capable of providing this, that's why the contrast is so stark.
I know it's hard. It doesn't happen over night. Just as the learning happened over time, the un-learning also happens over time. But I promise you IT DOES HAPPEN.
They will pull out all stops. When you are slipping away, because you are getting stronger in your own grounding and centering, they will go to the extreme and tell you EVERYTHING you have wanted to hear. They will make wild promises. How can you know it is a lie? Write down how many times they have let you down. WRITE IT DOWN. See the reality of it.
To be unchained from narcissistic patterns of relating is SO BEAUTIFUL. There will be a lot of grieving along the way, a lot of self-doubt, many slip-ups. You may feel like you have been on a battlefield for most of your life. But when the war is over, the relief is huge, and the deep rest and re-set begins. This is when you get out your pen and write a new script for your future. One based on the equality of adults, mutual giving and genuine joy and appreciation. Amen.
