11/05/2026
This is Harvey, my first born, wild child.
He’s quirky, super active, loud, highly intelligent, extroverted, socially awkward, loves learning, determined, zero impulse control, and has a 2-3 year delay in emotional and social maturity.
Two years ago, he was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). In the last three years he’s had constant occupational therapy, play therapy, group therapy, psychology, social work, or counselling sessions and in the last 12 months he has been on stimulant medication.
His world is confusing. People are confusing. Non-verbal body language doesn’t make sense. Emotions are impossible to understand or read within himself, let alone others.
Social situations are tough. Kindy was tough. School has been tough and continues to be a constant fear of another phone call or possible suspension.
“I don’t know how you do it!”
“He’s full on, isn’t he?!”
“Geez, you’ve got your hands full!”
“And two under two, bloody hell!”
“Cyclone Harvey”
There were times I didn’t think I could do it. I felt like I was failing him. I yelled at him, I hit him, I threw things across the room, I slammed doors and cupboards. And you know what he did? The exact same thing as I did. He yelled. He screamed. He hit. He threw things. He slammed doors. I felt like I was just making it worse, making it harder for him, as though I wasn’t the role model he deserved. If I couldn’t handle my own emotions as an adult, how can I expect a young child to do any better than what I was doing?
So I took a step back, and instead of demanding “respect” from him or seeing his actions and words as defiance, I saw his strength.
And I was proud of him.
I wish I had had that kind of strength to stand up to some of the adults in my childhood.
I wish I had that kind of strength to stand up to some adults in my adulthood.
I don’t want him to grow up compliant and fearful of the adults in his life. I don’t want him to suppress his emotions or be ashamed or be too scared to come to me with questions, advice or support. I will not teach my children to people please at their own demise. And I certainly do not pretend that I’m perfect. I’m open and honest that I am learning alongside them, and that even as an adult I don’t always get it right.
But what they will always have is the safety of being themselves, their raw emotional selves, and I will still love and support them through it all. And together we will learn new and better ways to feel and express these deep confusing emotions more appropriately and safely.
We are all human, we all make mistakes, it’s what we learn and how we change from it that matters.
