Macarthur Relationship Counselling

02/11/2025

Let’s talk about the quiet pressure to be okay all the time. Especially if you’re the therapist, the parent, the one others always seem to rely on to stay calm, composed, and "together."

That pressure? It can turn into a new kind of survival strategy—one that says you’re only worthy when you’re regulated.

But here’s the truth: you get to have your own nervous system needs.

You get to wobble.

To shut down.

To not know.

Integration doesn’t mean holding it together at all costs. It means honoring your experience—even when it’s messy. Especially then.

Try This:

Midday, take a check-in moment...
Where is my nervous system right now? Mobilized? Shut down? Settled?
Can I name it without judging it?
And then gently ask: “What would it feel like to let myself be supported—even briefly?”

Remember: You don’t have to be the calmest one in the room to be the most connected one. You just have to be real.

Thanks for being here.

If this helped you today, feel free to forward it to someone who might need it, too.

Thank you to the Mindsight Institute for todays caring life hack.

15/10/2025

Thank you to the team at Positive Psychology for today's 15 minute psychological make-over:

Improve your life in less than 15 minutes a day
with positive psychology.

Have you ever finally got something you've wanted for a long time—a dream job, car, or holiday—only to feel disappointed when reality doesn't match your expectations?

Or avoided something worthwhile, like public speaking, fearing the discomfort, then later realized it wouldn't have been so bad?

This is "affective forecasting"—our tendency to misjudge how future events will make us feel. We overestimate how happy the good things will make us and how miserable the bad things will be.

This can lead to regret, missed opportunities, and dissatisfaction. But we can improve our predictions (and our wellbeing) by reflecting on past experiences, seeking outside perspectives, and recognizing our biases.

Here are three ways to forecast better this week:

In your work
Consult trusted colleagues before big decisions. They'll offer perspective without your emotional baggage.

In your relationships
Don't make decisions during emotional surges. Wait at least 48 hours so you can make more thoughtful choices.

For personal growth
Journal your emotional predictions before decisions. Later, compare them with reality. You'll spot your patterns and improve your forecasting.

Reflection question: What emotions do you overestimate or underestimate when thinking about the future?

13/10/2025

If you notice your partner seems to have switched off, is quieter, or has distanced from you, it's probably an important time to show up for them. Let them know, kindly, curiously, that you've noticed a disconnect lately, is there something they need? Is there support you can offer them? Is there something you need to hear from them? Mostly, is there something you can learn from your partner because perhaps you have been distant yourself and life has been so busy you've missed it. In RLT, we Dare to Rock the Boat, meaning it may seem alright because it's more quiet, but someone needs to open dialogue because, just maybe, your partner may be quietly backing out of your relationship.

23/09/2025

Attunement is an important thing. Integration is an important thing. Listening to your emotions not pushing them away. Also-

When pain shows up, it’s easy to go into repair mode. “How do I fix this?”

But integration isn’t always about fixing. It’s about listening. Witnessing. Staying or sitting in it for a while.

Try This:

Notice the next inner emotional discomfort or ache.

Instead of changing it, try saying: “Tell me more.”

Listen like you would to a friend.

Remember: Your body isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a story asking to be heard.

Thank you to the Mindsight Institute for this daily assist.

16/09/2025

16/09/2025

This is the truth. So many people are harsh, they learnt it from the Family of Origin and they carry it forward into their current relationship with their partner and their children. Loving kindness is a must.

16/09/2025

Repair is what helps us when things aren't going so well in our relationship. When we just can't seem to be grab hold of the harmony. Repair is good, solid, aware communication. Do you know how to repair?

Too often, we think disharmony spells the end of a relationship.

But love takes work.

I always say intimacy isn't something you have, it's something you do.

And there will be times when your partner triggers you. That's where repair comes in. That's where you utilize the relational skills I teach in my books and courses. Repair is the road back to connection.

Want to learn how to move into repair with your partner? Download my 20 Essential Practices for Loving Relationships — link in the 1st comment. 👇

16/09/2025

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Freel%2FDNVxd2MO8WN%2F%3Figsh%3DMXVzbTJmZTlqNHp1Yw%253D%253D%26fbclid%3DIwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAYnJpZBExcVJlMU5aWHZPdHFINlhNcgEeoUcojgIU4-rswl6G6NztsGQSC3r3j5FL-JLLRbuLSje9iGXtcMqOu-sNfwY_aem_G3SGPiZWY7mAvOOyQTVBrw&h=AT2yNVH261CjrRsiWAVvE9jDBWvz0ddIbeRG-3WaM7WqTdf--gYlnFsJuSZiwcl4gKKymU-9O8ZTYtLxC-5DC-JQ6d7vng9VBQ0jVI6cm-z1JMfA70HimZOHWk7vORCMr_zKiw

A wonderful, artistic way to show the grief process with no words.

20/07/2025

When I ask people what it is they most want to work on in their relationship most people will tell me it's communication. We're not doing it well, we fight over "silly" things. Like all therapists, I can guide you through communication. However, I'm an RLT therapist and we like to look at the behaviour below the communication. Why do you react like you do? Why is one or of you, or both of you, avoidant. Why is one of you, or both of you, blatant, or grandiose, when you communicate? I want to help you be aware, to use your Prefrontal Cortex, or your Wise Adult, to help keep you centred instead of triggered or feeling like you don't know why you react like you do. Why, at times, you can react or feel as if your partner is the "enemy." Communication is layered and starts with awareness and connecting the dots to what's happening inside of you that makes you say the things you later regret, or you don't bother to say at all.

20/07/2025

I've been married over 40 years and I agree with Terry. We get hurt. We make mistakes. We stumble, but we learn how to deal with our behaviours that aren't serving us well. We communicate in a healthy, open, meaningful way, and we repair. It takes humility, along with accountability, love, and to cherish one another and know when to yield.

26/05/2025

Acquiescence never allows us to have our preferences, choices, needs heard. It takes courage but stand up for you.

You shrug. You laugh nervously. You say “it's fine” when it isn't.

Those aren't just habits. They're cues, and they train the people around you.

If you’re putting up with behavior that leaves you feeling small, hurt, or unseen, know this:

You’re not just enduring it — you’re teaching it.

We don’t like to think of it that way. We tell ourselves we’re being patient. Mature. That it’s not worth the fight.

But make no mistake — what you don’t address, you participate in.

You may think you’re avoiding conflict, but what you’re actually avoiding is the discomfort of standing up for yourself. And that comes at a cost: your fulfillment, your self-worth, and the vitality of the relationship itself.

This doesn’t mean you explode and start attacking those around you.
It means you stop colluding with dynamics that hurt you.

Nothing will change until 𝘺𝘰𝘶 do.

14/05/2025

Speaking up in a solid, clear way is important within healthy couples. Does it sometimes risk the safety of the relationship, yes, it does. And by safety I mean it risks the other partner not liking it and potentially leaving. However, safety in relationship that looks like "better the devil you know" is not a healthy, loving relationship outlook. It's generally fear-based. It's stable ambiguity through to stable misery, neither is solid relational ground.