Totally Frank

02/01/2026

Homeschooling as Protection, Not Ideology

For many neurodivergent families, homeschooling isn’t a philosophy - it’s protection.

It’s often framed as a lifestyle choice or an educational preference. But for families living with school refusal, burnout, or ongoing nervous system overload, it’s rarely about ideals.

It’s about reducing harm.
It’s about creating safety.
It’s about giving a child’s system room to recover.

We didn’t step away from school because we rejected education. We stepped away because our children couldn’t remain regulated in that environment.

Homeschooling, for us, became a way to protect nervous systems, rebuild trust, and allow learning to return without pressure.

If you’ve found yourself here without planning to be, you’re not radical or unrealistic. You’re responding to what your child needs - and that’s valid.

30/12/2025

Regulation Before Learning

Learning doesn’t come back until safety does.

When kids are overwhelmed, learning is often the first thing to disappear. Not because they don’t care or aren’t capable - but because their bodies are busy trying to cope.

In those moments, pushing schoolwork usually makes things harder. Stress rises, connection drops, and everyone ends the day exhausted.

What helped us was shifting our focus. Instead of asking “How do we get learning happening?” we started asking “What helps our kids feel safe enough to engage?”

That meant slowing down, reducing pressure, and paying attention to nervous systems - not outcomes.

Over time, something changed. Curiosity started to return. Engagement followed. Learning came back quietly, without being forced.

If things feel stuck right now, it doesn’t mean learning is lost. It may just be waiting for safety to come first.

26/12/2025

The Fear Beneath School Refusal

School refusal doesn’t just affect a child - it destabilises an entire family.

For parents, the fear often goes far beyond education. It becomes about work, income, routines, identity, and how life is supposed to function when school is no longer an option.

Can we do this?
How will we work?
What happens financially?
What if this never changes?

Most parents are trying to make huge, life-altering decisions while already exhausted, emotionally flooded, and under constant pressure to “fix” the situation.

When school refusal enters a family, it’s not just a practical problem - it shakes the foundations of safety and certainty for everyone involved.

This was our experience too. The fear wasn’t abstract or dramatic - it was quiet, relentless, and sitting underneath every decision we had to make.

If you’re carrying this weight, you’re not weak or overreacting. You’re responding to real uncertainty while trying to protect your child and hold your family together at the same time.

23/12/2025

School Refusal as a Nervous System Response

School refusal isn’t about avoiding learning - it’s about avoiding overwhelm.

When a child refuses school, it’s often framed as anxiety, behaviour, or lack of motivation.

But for many neurodivergent kids, it’s a nervous system that simply can’t tolerate the environment anymore.

The noise, the pace, the expectations, the social pressure - even when a child wants to cope, their body may already be in fight, flight, or shutdown before the day begins.

At that point, attendance stops being about willingness and starts being about capacity.

This was our reality. When school refusal entered our lives, everything narrowed down to survival - getting through mornings, managing distress, and trying to hold everyone together.

School refusal isn’t a failure to engage. It’s a signal that something isn’t safe or sustainable for that child’s nervous system.

If you’re living this, you’re not dealing with a “school problem” or a “parenting problem.” You’re responding to a child whose system is overwhelmed - and that matters.

19/12/2025

Parent Blame & Nervous Systems

When kids struggle, parents are often the ones who get blamed.

Not always directly - sometimes it’s subtle. A raised eyebrow. A suggestion to “try something different.” A comment about routines, timing, or consistency.

You bring them to school too early.
Then it’s too late.
You support too much.
Then not enough.

When you’re already exhausted, overwhelmed, and doing everything you can to keep your child regulated, that constant judgement can push you to breaking point.

We lived this during school refusal, when the focus narrowed to attendance and every decision felt scrutinised. Even now, I sometimes ask our psychologist to remind me that yes - this really is that hard.

Parents don’t fail because they’re doing something wrong. They struggle because they’re carrying too much, often without
support.

If you’ve ever doubted yourself in these moments, you’re not weak or overreacting. You’re responding to sustained pressure - and your nervous system matters too.

17/12/2025

Behaviour Is Communication

When kids can’t regulate, behaviour becomes the message.

What often gets labelled as “challenging behaviour” is usually a nervous system under too much pressure - overwhelmed, flooded, or pushed beyond capacity.

From the outside, it can look like defiance, refusal, or meltdowns. Inside, it’s often fear, exhaustion, sensory overload, or a child who has run out of ways to cope.

Behaviour isn’t something children choose when they’re regulated. It’s what happens when regulation is no longer possible.

This was something we learned the hard way when school refusal entered our lives and everything narrowed down to one goal - just getting through the day.

When we stopped trying to fix behaviour and started listening to what it was telling us, things slowly began to shift. Not overnight, but enough to change the direction we were heading.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not failing your child. Their behaviour is communication - and you’re already doing more than you realise by trying to understand it.

11/12/2025

Real support for real neurodivergent families - grounded in lived experience, emotional education, and ND-friendly homeschooling.

I’m an ND mum homeschooling two autistic/ADHD kids who couldn’t survive in traditional settings. Our family has navigated PDA, anxiety, autistic burnout, school refusal, and the emotional load that comes with systems that were never built for families like ours.

Totally Frank brings together emotional regulation, sensory tools (including essential oils), and flexible homeschool strategies to help families create safety, connection, and stability at home - without perfection, pressure, or judgement.

Here, you’ll find honest stories, supportive guidance, and practical tools that make daily life a little more manageable for neurodivergent families.

You’re not alone - and you’re in the right place.

01/12/2025

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different our life looks from the outside.

People see homeschooling, or oils, or the boys doing hands-on projects… but what they don’t see is what came before that - the school refusal, the shutdowns, the panic, the burnout, and the pressure to “just make it work” in a world that wasn’t designed for neurodivergent kids.

For a long time, every morning felt like walking on eggshells. Not because my kids didn’t want to try - but because their nervous systems simply couldn’t do it anymore. And as parents, we carry that silently. We try our best, we research everything, and we wonder if we’re doing the right thing.

What finally helped wasn’t a curriculum or a timetable.
It was slowing down.
Letting go of the pressure.
Understanding the nervous system.
And building safety first - not schoolwork.

That’s why I made this free Mini Guide.
It’s the resource I wish someone had handed me when I was exhausted, overwhelmed, Googling at 2am, and trying to figure out how to help my kids (and myself) breathe again.

If you’re navigating school refusal, school-can’t, or the very first steps into homeschooling, you’re not alone. Truly.

Here’s the guide if you’d like it:
https://totallyfrank.com.au/deschooling-essentials-download/

I hope it helps you exhale for a moment. 💚

Get Your Free Mini Guide: Deschooling Essentials Feeling lost after school refusal or burnout? This free mini guide helps parents of neurodivergent kids start homeschooling with calm, clarity, and confidence. Inside Deschooling Essentials, you’ll find: Enter your details below – your guide will ...

13/12/2024

Start your weekend right with my Weekend Wind-Down Diffuser Blend. It works beautifully to help you unwind and truly let go of the week’s stresses. The uplifting scent of Wild Orange clears mental clutter, while Cedarwood and Sandalwood ground and relax your nervous system, bringing deep peace and emotional stability. Ylang Ylang adds a floral touch that melts away tension, leaving you with a sense of joy and relaxation. Together, these oils create a nurturing environment that allows you to reset, recharge, and fully embrace the calm of your weekend.

Breathe deeply and begin winding down! 🌿✨

11/12/2024

This morning, as I added Sandalwood and Litsea to my diffuser, I felt a strong urge to dive deeper into Sandalwood and share its wonders with you. So, let’s explore the beauty of Sandalwood together! 🥰

Sandalwood is probably my absolute favourite essential oil ever. Distilled from the core of the heartwood of the Sandalwood tree, Sandalwood is known as a highly aromatic wood that can retain its fragrance for several decades.

Historically Sandalwood has been used in meditation, religious rituals and even embalming. Sandalwood (both the wood and the essential oil) is highly valued and has a documented history of many applications. Sandalwood is incredibly beneficial to the skin and can promote a healthy, clear complexion. Added to wet hair it can help restore moisture and give the hair a healthy shine. It is also a great way to enhance your mood. Being from the wood family it provides a grounding and balancing aroma that will help to lessen tension and calm the nerves.

Emotionally Sandalwood essential oil is known as “the oil of sacred devotion”. It can assist to calm the mind, still the heart and connect to a higher consciousness. It asks us to assess where our heart is really at and challenges us to reassess our priorities to give us a greater spiritual clarity. 💫

Whether you're using Sandalwood to enhance your skincare routine, uplift your mood, or deepen your spiritual practice, its grounding and calming properties make it an essential part of any wellness toolkit. I hope this inspires you to explore the many benefits of Sandalwood and to experience the peace and clarity it brings.

Have you tried Sandalwood in your daily routine? I'd love to hear how you use it! 🤔

10/12/2024

🌿 Did You Know? Essential Oils and Your Nervous System 🌿

While many enjoy essential oils for their pleasant aromas, research suggests that some essential oils, like lavender, eucalyptus, and peppermint, may also offer potential calming benefits for the nervous system. These natural compounds are known to help reduce feelings of stress and promote relaxation, making them a helpful addition to a balanced wellness routine.

Here are 3 ways you can use these essential oils to support your nervous system:

1️⃣ Aromatherapy Diffusion: Add a few drops of lavender or eucalyptus essential oil to a diffuser and breathe in the soothing aroma to promote relaxation.

2️⃣ Topical Application: Dilute peppermint oil with a carrier oil (like coconut oil) and gently massage into your temples or neck to ease tension.

3️⃣ Relaxing Bath: Add a few drops of lavender essential oil to a warm bath for a calming and stress-relieving soak.

Learn more from the study here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6514309/

10/12/2024

I just read an interesting study on how Peppermint essential oil can support cognitive function. The research highlights how Peppermint not only enhances mental clarity during challenging tasks but also reduces cognitive fatigue. This is especially relevant for those of us looking to support our nervous systems naturally. If you're curious about how Peppermint can help boost your focus and mental stamina, I highly recommend checking out the article!
Read more here: https://www.doterra.com/blog/science-research-news-peppermint-essential-oil-and-cognitive-function