Tom Ahern - Individual and Couples Counselling

04/02/2026

Quick tip when navigating couple conflict or that "big conversation": See if you can increase your positive energy as much as possible prior to engaging with your loved. Go to the gym, do yoga, meditate, stretch, have a coffee with a friend, dance to your favourite band in the kitchen (my go-to is TOOL); do whatever you need to do to maximise your energy levels prior to resolving conflict. It will help you view your loved one in the best possible light for the longest possible time, and that will help stave off the unnecessary build-up of resentment, anxiety, frustration etc.

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02/02/2026

Why do we do what we do? Freud believed it was because we are motivated by the pleasure principle—the will to pleasure. Neitzsche believed we were fundamentally motivated by power. And Becker? Death...

Since Ernest Becker died in the mid 70's, his ideas have been tested rigorously by the social psychologists who I was lucky enough to interview for the second time around on my podcast. They coined the term 'Terror Management Theory', the idea being that everything we do is in some way to fend off our underlying fear of ego annihilation.

I know it sounds quite morbid, but it's actually not only interesting, but enlightening. Coming to terms with death frees us from the confines of inauthentic living, liberating us to see life as a precious gift. But we can only reach such heights when we realise it will all end—and very soon too.

Remember, the top 5 regrets of the dying are:

1. "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
2. "I wish I didn't work so hard."
3. "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."
4. "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."
5. "I wish that I had let myself be happier." �

If you're interested in these ideas, give my latest episode a listen. You can find it anywhere you find podcasts. Here's a brief highlight from the show:

The Mind Mate Podcast explores the human condition at the intersection of spirituality, philosophy and psychotherapy. Hosted by couples counsellor and psycho...

31/01/2026

15/01/2026

This week's episode of the podcast is truly spectacular and moving. What an honour it was to interview Duey Freeman, an equine-assisted psychotherapist and teacher with decades of experience.

Duey is a sought-after teacher, trainer, licensed therapist, and equine professional worldwide. He has taught worldwide and developed a practical attachment theory and human development theory taught to thousands of university students. He has nearly 80,000 direct client hours and co-founded the Gestalt Equine Institute and the Gestalt Institute of the Rockies.

I was so moved by his presence and kindness on the show, I can't wait for you to listen to it!

The Mind Mate podcast explores the human condition at the intersection of philosophy and psychotherapy. My vision for it has always been to help potential and/or current therapy clients learn more about the therapeutic process so that it isn't quite so nerve-racking; and for therapists to learn from other therapists about different approaches and models to facilitate change and healing.

This episode did NOT disappoint! Enjoy :)

Duey is a sought-after teacher, trainer, licensed therapist, and equine professional worldwide. He has taught worldwide and developed a practical attachment ...

02/01/2026

Dr. John Powers is a true wealth of information regarding Buddhism and Buddhist practices! By the age of 10, he was already engaging deeply with metaphysics, the fundamental nature of reality (philosophy), and with thinkers like Martin Heidegger, who is unbelievably difficult to read. This was the second time John has joined me on the show and we dived into God, the nature of the Self and what the praxis of Buddhism can offer the modern world. I highly enjoyed our conversation and am already looking forward to the next one!

Dr. John Powers is back for another chat on the show—largely about Tibetan Buddhism, meditation practices, and the nature of self and consciousness. John sha...

29/12/2025

We go to a personal trainer if we want to lose weight or break our deadlift record. Imagine if improving our relationship was normalised, just as we prioritise our physical health!

Tom Ahern is like a relationship personal trainer. He helps couples to improve communication and navigate conflict, guiding them to build everyday relationship habits that cultivate love and connection.

Read more on our website. Link in bio.

29/12/2025

Little-known during her life, Emily Dickinson wrote some amazing poetry, including this one (one of my favourites) that speaks to the liberation one feels upon letting go of the need to be someone in order to get along with high society.

Always a helpful reminder not to be attached to "what we do" because, as we are all aware, what we do barely scratches the surface of "who we are".

29/12/2025

Some thoughts on finding clarity...

The new year is fast approaching and so too are the cliched resolutions, new beginnings and habit kickstarters etc. This can be helpful, of course, but only if we approach goals and habits from the right place.

My work tells me, time and time again, that what all of us are searching for—what we all want—is to live authentic lives. But we often see that as a destination to reach.

It isn't.

Authentic living is a process—it occurs, happens and ensues. But it never arrives...

Authentic living is, truly, the process of living in a more and more aligned way up until the point of death.

None of us will ever be perfectly authentic. Authenticity as a 'state' is unattainable. But refined, authentic living as a 'mode' is absolutely achievable. And we can inch closer and closer to it.

So, for 2026, I'd like to invite you to think of your goals not as "things" to accomplish but as guardrails and checkpoints that will help shape you into being more of who you are.

For example, I like academia because I enjoy being transformed by the books that I read and the ways in which my essays force me to be a more astute thinker. I'm not overly concerned with the qualifications—the flimsy pieces of paper—but by who I've had to become in order to be the one who gets to hold them.

Perhaps you might like to consider your goals and resolutions of 2026 not as destinations or accomplishments, but as trajectories that will help mould a deeper and more authentic version of you?

Who do you want to become and which goals will help shape you into this person?

Send a message to learn more

19/12/2025

It's been a while since I've released a podcast episode but this one is exciting! I had the absolute honour of speaking with the authors of a powerful new study exploring psilocybin-assisted psychotherapy for depression and anxiety in people living with life-threatening illness, the first study of its kind in Australia!

Marg and Justin's research looked at how a single, carefully supported dose of psilocybin, combined with psychotherapy, affected people facing conditions such as advanced cancer and other serious illnesses. Compared with an active placebo, participants who received psilocybin experienced rapid and meaningful reductions in depression and anxiety, with improvements lasting for months.

This was the third time Marg has joined me on the show but the first for Justin.

Please also feel free to read about their findings/research here: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science...

And you can check the podcast out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Dn86drHRBU&t=2547s

In this episode of The Mind Mate Podcast, I speak with the authors of a powerful new study exploring psilocybin-assisted psychotherapy for depression and anx...

10/12/2025

Some thoughts on daily rituals and love...

I recently heard of love being referred to as a plant: something you tend to, something you nourish; love, in other words, is not a task to be completed; there is no finality.

We often think of love in its interpersonal context, but seldom do we consider what it might look like to love ourselves. What does that even mean—to love oneself? How will we know if/when we'll ever feel enough?

Well, I'm not sure it has to be that complicated. For if interpersonal love is like a plant—something tended to and ritualised—why can't self-love be the same? I think that love for oneself should emulate the ways we love those closest to us. It shouldn't be extravagant—one can't always buy the most expensive bouquet of flowers or fly to Paris.

But that's okay, because love comes down to the little things, the daily acts. It's kissing your loved one's head and telling them that you love them before they drift off to sleep; it's lifting the heavier grocery bag so they don't have to; it's sending them a love heart emoji at lunch time to let them know you're thinking of them.

In the same way, loving yourself is blocking off an extra 30 minutes for lunch; walking in nature, bathing in the sounds of the forest; it's calling a friend because their voice fills you with a sense of connection. Finally, it's doing less so that you can do more (of what actually matters). And ritualising these 'gifts' of self-love—making them a habit—keeps the plant green and strong.

If the plant isn't nourished it dies.

My gift of self-love is a near-daily ritual of drinking Keith's cacao with my wife, sitting together while we read. We hardly speak, but her presence keeps me warm.

At the moment I'm reading 'A Way of Being' by Carl Rogers, a beautiful man who did more for psychotherapy than generations of thinkers from other schools. If you've been lucky enough to experience good therapy from a competent therapist, then you indirectly have Rogers to thank.

Reading his words, hearing his voice, I'm reminded of the privilege of being a therapist, standing humbly on Rogers' shoulders. And I wish for you that you can find some way to love yourself in very small ways, day in, day out, tending to yourself like the ferns in your garden or the roses on your coffee table.

Wishing you all the best on this Wednesday.