16/09/2020
In 1953 the British Psychoanalyst and Paediatrician Donald Winnicott coined the term 'The Good Enough Mother' *. Winnicott theorised that it was actually beneficial to babies when their mothers failed in some small way. It was these moments, where the needs of the babies weren't quite met by their mothers, he believed helped babies to develop independence and confidence. The times when they cry and we can't get to them quickly enough and the times when we can't quite give it our all because we're feeling depleted ourselves, or busy with another child, Winnicott believed as just as important as the times when we are fully responsive, if not more so.
In a world where pressure on mothers is immense - where mother judgement is rife, I think we could all do well to listen more to Winnicott. It's not possible to be perfect as a parent....and even if it were, it wouldn't be desirable to be so. Our children need us to slip up, they need to see us make mistakes and learn how to deal with them and they need us to be 'good enough' in order that we give them space to grow and develop independence.
Take the pressure off yourself a little ;forgive yourself when your baby cries and you don't hear or can't stop the tears, or your toddler spends the whole day in front of the TV. You are enough as you are. It's OK to be good enough - real mothers aren't perfect, because perfect mothers aren't real.
*NOTE: this post is about mothers, because 1. That’s who Winnicott wrote about and 2. 97% of my followers are female. This does of course not mean that the concepts don’t apply to fathers, they do, however I do believe it is important to recognise the unique needs of both parents and not homogenise them in the pursuit of always seeking equal representation, we do both a disservice when we do this.
