31/01/2025
Do we want to connect or do we want to be right?
In recently interactions with different people, I’ve noticed a trend that has honestly caused me to feel sad and unseen.
One of the beautiful things of relationships is to be able to feel safe to be vulnerable, to be yourself.
That’s where growth and healing occurs.
And I truly believe it’s a gift when someone chooses to open up to me, their deepest feelings, insecurities, vulnerabilities. They are trusting me to see these parts that we so often hide out of fear of not being accepted or loved.
But unfortunately, way more often than not, instead of truly listening, instead of being curious about the other person’s inner world, we make assumptions based on our on history and we give advice based on that.
Whenever we do this, we break the connection.
Can you see why?
Truth is, we don’t really want advice, most of the time.
Most of the time, we want to simply be seen and accepted as we are.
We are looking for understanding and empathy.
We are looking for connection.
These things can only be given when we stop projecting our stuff onto others and instead we turn our curiosity button on.
We ASK QUESTIONS instead!!!!
Get curious about the other person’s world.
We do NOT know what’s best for anyone but ourselves.
We can NEVER truly understand someone’s pain, if we haven’t been in their shoes, having their life’s history, experiences, perspective.
When we give advice without being asked, and we project our stuff onto the other person’s experience, it hurts.
I honestly see this way too often in people who claim themselves to be “doing the work”, healing, our claiming to be spiritual, etc. That’s spiritual ego. If you think you’re better than someone else to the point of offering advice without truly listening first, that’s spiritual ego.
We do not know what it takes for someone to be vulnerable to open up. In a world where showing our emotions feels so scary (and we most of the time we either feel shamed or a sense of weakness for showing something so precious as our emotional world), it is actually an act of BRAVERY to open your heart to someone. To show yourself so tender, so pure, in your most authentic, intimate self.
So please, let’s learn to listen and be curious instead of giving unsolicited advice and projecting our own story onto people’s stories and experiences. That causes, truly, so much pain!
When we have gathered so much courage to show ourselves in this tender way and someone gives us advice based on their own experiences, feelings of shame and inadequacy can often arise.
Each life story is unique.
We will never truly understand someone else’s pain and process, but we can get curious and empathize.
I truly believe that empathy is the medicine the world needs right now, to heal relationships and help people feel safe again in the world. Feel safe to open their hearts, feel safe to be seen in their authenticity.
God knows what it takes for someone every time they choose to open their heart to someone.
And getting projected advice in return shuts one down. It’s disheartening.
Taking our power back to respond to unsolicited advice is also a skill that can be learned.
But awareness of how we are choosing to relate to each other is SO IMPORTANT!
Be the healing force you want to receive from the world.
Be the safe, loving container for your people and you’ll be a healing force in the world.
And you know what?
It’s in the allowance of truly being what you are in that present moment, that all the answers that we have been searching for, they simply reveal themselves. The answers we need come naturally when a safe space to simply be is offered.
So let’s trust our fellow brothers and sisters that we all have the answers we need within ourselves.
Let our pride aside and let’s empower each other.
What we need is not projections or advice.
What we need is empathy, curiosity, love. 💕