05/26/2025
It’s been a long time since I posted and so much has changed.
Few reasons for posting this picture. First huge change is in one short month I’m going to be a grandma. My boy is having a boy. This shower should have been one of the happiest days for me and for some reasons it was, and sadly for other reasons it wasn’t.
I have lost and gained the same 100lbs at least 10 times in my life. Over this last year I’ve been on social media less and have done a lot of therapy. I want to share my story to help others without being too personal.
I’ve always said therapy doesn’t work that’s not true. What’s true for me is therapy didn’t work until I was ready to hear and accept things about myself. All the blame I put on others for my unhappiness is just another excuse. It’s way easier to blame others, situations, childhood and old habits but this time was different. I started therapy feeling alright it helped me focus and the weight came off again then I really started to do some work and I fell to the lowest I’ve ever been. You need to fall to get back up I guess and not only did I fall I’m finally tired of my own crap.
Without getting too personal and making this long for so long I focused on my whole purpose and job was to be a mom. I thought so many things were what I had to do or supposed to do and I’ve learned now that everything needed to start with me. I think as moms we get lost in putting our kids needs in front of our own and that’s not the right choice. Even in my job I have moms miss and it stop their wellness journey because something their kids need. Not only are we taking away from ourselves they are always watching your cycle of “giving up” that was hard for me to hear but truth I needed.
Life gets hard. It can be messy and filled with ups and downs, but it’s in us to create and live the life we want. For me I can no longer be trapped in a body that makes my mind not even see myself if that makes sense.
I want to play with my grandson, I want to love my son which of course I do but I want to show him grace while allowing him to be his own adult and learn from his own mistakes. I want to feel good in my own body and not trapped and I just want to let go. It’s time.
Repeating the same habits will always lead to same outcomes. It’s time to try something different and for me it’s to unapologetically live for myself first. Time to put my wants and needs first and do what makes me happy. Honestly right now not sure what that is but I’m about to find out.
This journey is now about me and all I want. Finding things that fulfill my life and leaving behind all that doesn’t. My life is my focus not just weight loss that will naturally happen but this cycle ends here.
