11/24/2021
What’s WRONG with you?!... WHY did you do THAT?!... That’s NOT GOOD ENOUGH!... You’re so STUPID!... I HATE YOU!!
Everyone knows the old adage our parents and teachers taught us, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
Well, I’ve come to learn that this well-meaning saying is dead wrong…especially when you use your own words against yourself.
The above was a typical narrative (albeit often peppered with many expletives as I grew older) that played on repeat in my head from childhood and well into adulthood.
This picture of me at 5 years old, the manner of my expression, embodies those words.
Although I didn’t recognize it at first, this negative chatter grew up with me over the years and became my constant companion.
…Then my abuser and my jailor.
My parents always told me that I was my own worst critic, and being the perfectionist that I was, I certainly lived up to that title.
I berated myself for mistakes and ruminated over them…over and over again.
That little voice inside my head never let me forget my shortcomings. Over the years, it chipped away at me relentlessly and destroyed my self-confidence and sense of self-worth.
It also filled me with anger, frustration, and disappointment, eventually pushing me to the brink of my mental health.
Why did I do it? Why did I allow that little voice in my head to talk to me in this way?...
That’s a great question.
And I wager that many of you reading this post right now might be wondering the same thing about yourselves… Why do we do it?
I would never treat someone else with such disdain, so why treat myself in this inexcusable way?
It is said that we often take our anger out on those closest to us…Well, I suppose in truth, those closest to us would be ourselves?
This negative narrative stemmed from what we saw, heard or learned – the roots are all common, and yet different for each of us.
However, the solution is always the same – compassion and love.
Now, I understand that this may sound over-simplistic, but it isn’t.
Rewiring my thoughts and beliefs about myself to embody self-compassion and self-love was one of my greatest battles.
I had waged a war inside my head, allowing my worst enemy to rule my life for over 30 years!
But there came a point 6 years ago, when I realized that I was paralyzed by this psychological war and if I didn’t change, if I didn’t stand up to my abuser, that I would inevitably self-destruct.
If I wanted to move forward and embrace the gift of life, I had to take on this fight and win.
And I did.
And the fact is, you can too.
You don’t have to live the rest of your life as a prisoner of your mind.
You have the power of a warrior to destroy the negative narrative that paralyzes you, and to ultimately change your life.
The choice is always yours.
If you’re ready, let’s take that step towards change together.
Be Bodacious. Be You.