thenurturemethod

12/28/2021

Hoping everyone had a magical Christmas 🎄

See you in 2022!

12/15/2021

"Our society is in the throes of an ever increasing and worrying epidemic, that of infant sleep training. For six thousand years humans have parented in a manner similar to that of other mammals who nurture their young. Babies would be held both day and night, they would be placed at the breast whenever they needed and as a result, although new parents were undoubtedly tired, there was no need for experts or products to solve baby sleep problems. Quite simply baby sleep problems didn’t exist. Adults understood normal baby sleep and they understood what babies needed to sleep in a more restful way. They also understood that disrupted sleep was temporary and adjusted their lives accordingly.

The dawn of industrialisation two hundred years ago changed everything. The pursuit of wealth and material belongings relegated parenting to a second class occupation. A new role appeared, that of the male parenting expert, such as Truby King and John Watson. Parents were advised to put their babies on strict feeding and sleeping schedules and love was seen as a weakness. Children were not to be ‘mollycoddled’ or shown excessive affection. Parenting styles come in and out of vogue with regularity. Interestingly they always seem to reflect the state and views of society at the time. In the case of the industrialised society these views were predominantly misogynistic and focussed on increasing wealth and productivity. You could argue that this is the prevalent view still today."

Read more here:

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2016/01/17/the-epidemic-of-baby-sleep-training/

The same sleep patterns that have been handled without trouble or ‘expert advice’ for thousands of years have now become a source of big business. It is in the benefit of industry for b…

12/07/2021

The American Academy of Paediatrics recommends room sharing with your baby until AT LEAST 6 months but ideally, 1 year old.

Why?

Well there are a few reasons:

1) your breathing helps regulate THEIR breathing

2) your heartbeat helps regulate THEIR heart rate (so having baby right next to your bed is ideal)

3) it promotes a healthy and strong breastfeeding relationship (it’s still beneficial if you aren’t breastfeeding though)

4) it can help reduce maternal anxiety

5) it can reduce SIDS by up to 50%!!!

There are many other reasons but it all comes down to being in tune with your baby and your instincts as a new parent.

Being responsive to your baby throughout infancy helps develop their their brain, their emotional intelligence, secure attachment relationships and their confidence as a new human in this big world 🤍

11/24/2021

This is how we’ve slept for most of his life.

In the early weeks, he wouldn’t sleep anywhere but my chest. He was light enough then that we’d sleep soundly together without any discomfort and it worked for both of us. I could feel his breath and heartbeat on mine and my anxiety lifted. I guess his did too.

Now he’s 15 months and he sleeps more independently but always ends up right here in the mornings.

This is normal. This will not last forever.

Your baby may not co-sleep, but it’s normal if they do
Your baby may not need as much closeness and contact, but it’s normal if they do
Your baby may not need to nurse to sleep, but it’s normal if they do
Your baby may not wake a few times at night, but it’s normal if they do

It isn’t the normal behaviours of our babies that cause us grief, it’s the expectation that it’s “supposed” to be different.
I’m here to show you what’s normal. 🤍

11/17/2021

Postpartum Strength Circuit: The early weeks! Save it ⬆️

This little circuit is to help you get started with your strength recovery after birth!
It is suitable for 4-6weeks PP depending on if you were active during pregnancy, how your PP recovery is going, your pelvic health and more (consult your practitioner if you aren’t sure about starting exercise or strength work)

Mini circuit (to be performed slowly, with intention and control):

⭐️ Shin box: 10 reps per side

⭐️ Glute bridges: (proper form is key 🔑 here) 10-15 reps

⭐️ Dead bug variation: (again, proper form is key 🔑, ensure there is no abdominal coning) 10 reps per side

Complete this circuit with little to no rest between exercises and 1-2min rest between circuits for a total of 3-4 times
You may add weight or bands in the future as a progression!

I have space for ONLY 2 more postpartum strength recovery clients in person in Huntsville!
Comes with at home workout plan (proper breathing, bracing, mobility and strength/stability exercises)

Get your body ready for safe and effective exercise after baby! 🤰🏼

DM ME for more info!!

11/15/2021

My mother always told me that if you’re speaking the truth, you will offend people.
Not because we’re intentionally setting out to do so, but because it often is the opposite of learned behaviour, generational patterns, “the mainstream narrative”, or typical teachings.
When you present information that’s new, it’s usually met with some resistance. That’s ok.

Keep speaking truth.

I give people what I want in return. So I give honesty, even if it’s not popular, even if it’s hard to hear.

Truth sets us free, truth gives us knowledge and knowledge is power 🤍

Original quote and graphic by

11/13/2021

Why don’t we train for BIRTH?

How many of you have a story of long labour? I do!
I was in labour for 19 hours with my first baby and it was the most physically and mentally demanding experience I’ve ever been through.

I’m an athlete and a fitness competitor…I’ve been through gruelling training sessions and competitions, but I’ve trained and prepared for them ALL.

I didn’t prepare my body for birth.

I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #2 I set out a prep plan. I made sure to continue with strength training and mobility work but I also added birth specific training. I focused on connecting with my pelvic floor, stretching and opening the hips, ankle mobility, proper positioning techniques and I met with my pelvic floor Physio to help me with my breathing and pushing.

This changed the game and completely changed my birth experience. I was completely in control, I was strong and I knew when to push (figuratively and literally 😂) and when to conserve energy.

If you want to have this power too, I am now opening up limited space for my PRENATAL BIRTH PREP series.
I offer this in small group sessions of 2-3 (must be between 30-37 wks 🤰🏼)
Or one on one sessions!

DM Me for more Info!

*currently only available in Person in Huntsville, ON, but Will be offering virtual session in the new year

11/02/2021

Dear husband,

There’s a life in the future with little faces in photo frames instead of before our eyes, artwork and abc magnets won’t adorn our fridge, and these leggings I’m wearing right now will be long gone.

There’s a bed big enough, where little elbows and knees won’t prod us in our sleep and only our feet will swing out in the morning.

There’s a vase placed in reach of little arms because there aren’t any, and mugs will daringly sit on the edge of the table.

There’s a bank balance that looks a bit more forgiving, a bag I leave with that isn’t overflowing, and it will only take us 10 seconds from the door to the car.

There’s a free calendar that isn’t packed with swimming lessons, dance classes and muddy sports shoes. And we’ll get to know each other for a third time, before them, with them, and then when only two jackets hang at the door.

There’s a clean car, the only noise is the hum of the radio. There will be no endless questions in a high pitched voice from the back seat, there may even be days we don’t hear from them at all.

There’s a date night with no curfew, my mums not needed for babysitting, and we aren’t sleeping with one eye open waiting for the shuffle of feet down the hallway. A type of freedom that feels heavy.

There’s a house that’s clean, maybe our couch is new, and we aren’t stepping on Lego or toy cars either. In fact there’s not much colour anywhere, remember how we hated all the colour? Remember how it came with so much happiness?

There’s a dinner table that feels big, we aren’t negotiating bites of vegetables or wiping little hands and mouths. But sometimes there’s a knock on the door and the table is full once more.

There’s a shower that doesn’t sound like baby cries, a coffee that is warm and my body will be my own. We won’t wear tired the same way but time will have aged us anyway.

There will be hard moments to come that will make these moments look easy, but we’ll remember.
We’ll remember the first words, the curls, the “I love you’s” the moments we almost broke, and how we held each other through it. We’ll laugh and we’ll cry just like we did then.

There’s a life in the future and it’s coming for us every day. So let’s get swept up in the beautiful chaos in front of us.
Let’s make the future wait a little longer.
Because I love this life with you so much,
this one right now.

Words by: Jess Urlichs, Writer
Photo: Ashley Michelle

11/01/2021

Well, it’s not…

But we have been led to believe that it is. That somehow it’s different. We’ve been led to believe that crying is manipulating and that sleep is a skill.

Two massive myths that the sleep training industry perpetuates.

Parents, YOU are not the problem. You are being misled (as my friend points out so often)

Believe me, I understand the draw that an 8 hour uninterrupted sleep provides…believe me, I understand. However, we must also understand the cost to our babies.

Crying is always communication. Babies do not have the capacity to manipulate. Literally, their brains completely lack this ability. They run on survival and instinct alone.

If I told you I left my 5 yr old to cry in his bedroom with the door locked for 2 hrs straight without lending him any comfort…you’d probably call social services on me. So why is this advice being given to new, sleep deprived, desperate parents and somehow it’s different? It does against nature. It goes against biology.

Babies only have needs. They don’t have wants. Just as you have the need for human connection, they do too, and that need is more prevalent at night.

Let’s change the narrative 🤍

11/01/2021

Happy Halloween 🎃

10/26/2021

Postpartum exercise progression!

STEP 1: DIAPHRAGM BREATHING!

The diaphragm is a big muscle that controls your breathing mechanics. Many of us are not mindful of our breathing and can sometimes have some dysfunction in this area.

The diaphragm and the pelvic floor work in harmony together so it’s important to first start connecting your breathing to those mechanisms.

Beginning breath work around week 3 postpartum is the first and only exercise you need to engage in.

Would you like me to post each step in the progression to exercise postpartum?

Comment below 👇🏼

10/20/2021

Is it hard sometimes? YES!
Is it worth it? Also YES!

Would be easier just to get through a few nights of sleep training so my baby no longer needed me to fall asleep? It might be, as long as it worked.

But, I choose not to go that route because of the undeniable BENEFITS of responsiveness and nurture.
The potential long term harm of leaving a baby to cry alone is a small factor in my decision but it’s the positive outcomes I know that will come from supporting sleep and responding to needs that motivates me to keep going.

I know it can be hard sometimes mommas (and dads), but I promise you, you will never regret it 🤍

Ps. This is me driving my 13month old around on the tractor for his nap 😂 it was a successful transfer to bed and now I’m taking some downtime ✌🏼

What are some creative ways YOU’VE had to use to get babe to sleep? Drop them in the comments 👇🏼

09/23/2021

🚨 NEW IN PERSON PRENATAL/POSTPARTUM SERVICE 🚨

I am so excited to announce that I am FINALLY taking on clients for prenatal birth prep through strength, stretch and mobility.
I am also seeing clients for postpartum strength recovery 💪🏼

I have VERY limited availability but have space for 3-4 new clients on Monday afternoons, Wednesday evenings and Friday afternoons!

Please email ashbbarbelles@gmail.com or DM me for a consultation 😊

08/23/2021

It’s the little things 🤍

08/08/2021

I hate the term “fed is best”
But not because I don’t believe that to be true.

I hate it because it dismisses the intense desire for moms to breastfeed despite their struggles. Too often, a mom gets advice to “just switch to formula” “fed is best” “as long as they’re fed”. While I agree that if you feel fed up, if you can’t or don’t want to breastfeed, then your baby, of course will be fine with however you choose to feed them, and you must make the best choices for your own family, no guilt, no shame 🙏

However, the struggles of breastfeeding continue to be swept under the rug and if mothers had more education, more support and more transparency, their desires to breastfeed would be easier fulfilled. Maybe mothers wouldn’t feel so alone? Maybe they wouldn’t think something is wrong with them if they knew that almost every woman struggles with it at first.

Breastfeeding has so many benefits that simply cannot be replicated (for another post). This is why mothers work so hard to breastfeed, this is why they go through the pain, the tears, the night wakings, the sacrifice.
When their struggles are pushed aside instead of worked through, they feel like a failure.

So let’s ditch “breast is best” and “fed is best” and adopt “Support is Best”, or “Informed is Best” 🤍



Photo:
📸 X:

07/27/2021

Definitely feels like it 😂

07/17/2021

The problem with schedules is that your baby isn’t always going to fit into one.

I think schedules can be useful but only if they’re used as a guide rather than a strict plan that’s etched in stone.

Having a regular wake time can be important for a regular bed time but it’s not fail proof.
Since when did people stop understanding that babies are humans too. We can’t just flip a switch at 7pm and be automatically tired if we’re not.
Sometimes we fall asleep earlier and sometimes we fall asleep later. It’s the same for babies too.

I see a lot of stressed out moms posting in mom groups that are desperate for help because their baby takes 1-2 hrs to get down.
She’s probably just not tired enough.

Try pushing bedtime later (usually pushing by 15-20min intervals until you find the sweet spot works best). There is NO rule that says your baby needs to go to bed at 7pm and im sorry to say mama, but you might have a baby that naturally likes a later bedtime.

It’s hard, I know, but there are ways to find a happy medium between having your time and meeting their needs. 🤍

07/15/2021

Attachment is innate. That means it has survival value.

In the history of human evolution, babies that stayed close to their caregivers were more likely to survive.

So when people make comments that an infant is “clingy”, that they like to be held too much, that bed-sharing will create some monster that never leaves their parents’ bed, and that you should leave infants to cry it out, people are making comments against a fine-tuned evolutionary process that has developed over a million years to strengthen infant survival.

In nomadic, hunter-gatherer societies, it wasn’t safe to place an infant in another area for sleep. Sleep is one of our most vulnerable states; this could mean easier access for a predator. Our ancestors slept together as a family for protection.

Babies are supposed to be activated by separation because separation from a parent’s protection could mean death or harm. A baby’s cry activates our system to respond to ensure their survival.

Does leaving a baby to cry for extended periods of time contribute to survival? No. Extended crying means stress. Stress is not healthy, therefore threatening survival. Extended crying also could have been an alarm to predators. Responding to cries actually makes more sense considering survival mechanisms and evolutionary attachment theory.

People that tell you to extinguish these behaviors are reacting off of their own fears that have developed around meeting needs.

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