26/09/2021
This is personal but I felt this is a safe place to share. Here's my story of my food addiction.
I've ALWAYS loved food, especially anything with high amounts of sugar. I never walked away without always wanting more. My cravings were never really satisfied, usually the food ran out first.
Now that I look back, since I was very young, like 5 years old, I could eat things by the handful. But, because I was very active it never showed up on my body until after I was married and started having babies. Yes, the weight would eventually come off, but body weight isn't the only thing one carries in food addiction. The weight of being out of control, the fog, the shame, the fear is way heavier.
ADDICTION IS A PROGRESSIVE DISEASE.
I've tried off and on for 20 years to try and "fix" my problem, trying to be like everyone else. EAT IN MODERATION they say. EAT INTUITIVELY. LIMIT YOUR BITES. DON'T RESTRICT. But my brain doesn't work like that. You can't tell an alcoholic to stop at one drink, or make rules around when they will and will not drink, it doesn't work. ADDICTION is addiction, and it hijacks your brain to believe that the next drink, or the next bite is the only thing that's important. Once you start, it's VERY HARD you stop.
My dad passed away just over a month ago at age 68 from cerosis of the liver. It was from an unhealthy lifestyle of eating poorly that he had to suffer with being with being overweight, anxiety, depression, joint pain etc. I don't want to live that life!
After Labour Day weekend I broke down emotionally. Because of the emotional toll of helping care for my dad all summer and seeing him suffer and deteriorate and many kind people bringing meals with dessert, I found comfort in delicious food. I gained 9 lbs in 8 weeks. I didn't know how to stop, and stop for good. I know how to eat good food, but I don't know how to stop addiction.
Through prayer, and what I believe help from my dad on the other side seeing my pain, I remembered seeing and her story of addiction and recovery and knew there was hope. I poured my heart out to Jace and with his support I signed up for a 12 week online recovery course. Continue in comment