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https://www.beecomposed.com/bee-in-harmony, https://linktr.ee/bee.in.harmony

Bee.In.Harmony, London, ON (2026)

02/03/2026

"Mild," "level," "severe"...

We use these labels to describe mental health based on how much we feel they affect us,

but a lot of people don't question the damage they do when it comes to receiving support;

Where does the label end and the person begin?

____________________

MANY people use these labels for a wide array of

neurotypes and disorders,

and this post is NOT telling you that you can't use these labels.

This post is pointing out the potential harm of them

from the perspective of the autistic community.

And because of the immense overlap between autism and ADHD, many advocates in

the ADHD community are shifting towards this understanding as well.

This post is meant to be provocative, an opportunity for you to consider

for your neurotype or disorder

whether or not the label is actually serving you.

If it is?

Okay. Absolutely, do you.

And if it's not...

See the last two sections.

____________________

Labels like the ones I've mentioned are harmful to us.

They are provided from the external perception of others, and they don't actually help us to

identify with our autism but rather serve to

reduce people to their ability to

financially produce and

be a "good member of society" 😮‍💨

Let me ask you:

Are YOU a productive member of society?

Should that define your value as a human being?

Your worth?

Your afterlife?

Your soul?

Should that define your mother's life?

Should that define your son's life?

It's a much harder question to confidently answer "yes" when we put it into perspective.

____________________

The labels are NOT helpful, for many reasons:

1) External versus internal: the labels are about

other people's experience of us rather than

our experience of ourselves.

The second SHOULD matter more to people.

____________________

2) Defining your ability to function in society requires you to reflect on

what you DO, not

who you ARE,

and autism is a direct reflection of who we are. Not to mention,

people deserve to be appreciated for who they are,

not what they do for others -->

believing otherwise leads to

people-pleasing behaviors which then leads to

inauthenticity and
self-betrayal,

plus betrayal from people who don't actually understand

lack of consent.

____________________

3) This is something labelers really don't understand because they just look at their experience of us, they see our "behaviors" and conclude "that's autism."

No.

When autistics are

supported with

scaffolding,
neuroaffirming support,
and systemic support...

We don't "look" autistic.

We only "look" autistic when we are in moments of distress, and

longterm distress creates trauma from living as a

neurodivergent in an unsupportive society.

____________________

4) Our "level" therefore can change over time as a result of

how supported we are, as well as

how unsupported we or any life changes are:

stage of life,

hormone changes like puberty and perimenopause,

neuroaffirming loved ones versus neuronormative loved ones,

working a job that believes in balance versus working for an employer who just sees numbers...

The list goes on.

____________________

So how DO we describe our "amount of autism"?

We don't.

We accept that to be autistic is to be autistic, that just because a person

"looks" autistic in one way

does not make them less autistic in others.

We recognize that different autistics present differently based on which

autistic traits and which

neurodivergent trauma traits

they display and the ones they experience for themselves.

We recognize that the concept of a "level" society has recognized is in fact the

combination of autistic traits with autistic trauma traits, as well as other

physical,
intellectual,
or developmental disabilities,

and therefore the appropriate way to discuss these is not to refer to levels, but diagnosis:

I am autistic with cerebral palsy.

I am autistic and am dyslexic.

I am autistic and have PTSD.

____________________

Your most important questions now...

What do you struggle with?

Is it something that society can or should change?

How much does that reflect on you changing anything?

If something needs to change for you, how can you change it to have

healthier,
neuroaffirming mindset,
scaffolding,
and support

so you are better supported in YOUR way,

rather than other people's ways?

____________________

I highly recommend following autistic & ADHD content creators like

Neurodivergent Parenting: Think Outside The Box

The Occuplaytional Therapist

The Autistic Self Advocacy Network

The Autistic Teacher

to get you started on questioning what you think you know about neural development;

even if you are not autistic or ADHD, you deserve to recognize your own place in the spectrum of being human.

02/02/2026

Yeah, a couple years ago I laughed at this meme as "cute joke, I WOULD rather text than call"...

But this hits so different after having done a LOT of work to support myself properly rather than putting up with a lack of support:

1) no communication at all
2) smoke screen
3) pointing
4) ASL
5) DM
6) texting
7) email
8) phone call
9) in-person texting
10) in-person speaking

Since I can't really do the first around other people,

and my partner and I's only smoke screen communication is when they light essence as a sign they're in stabilizing-stress-mode,

pointing and ASL are the ways to go! 🤣😊

02/01/2026

"I cannot communicate effectively unless it is direct or I already have the definitions."

Many people doubt they are autistic because they feel that they are

socially ept, that they have

"figured out how to be social,

even if it just took them a bit longer."

__________________

But the reason WHY it "takes us a bit longer" is

BECAUSE we are missing the data as children and we have to

actively learn context

whereas neurotypicals either magically

"get it"

or pretend they "get it" until they've "got it."

__________________

This goes hand in hand with our empathy style,

cognitive empathy:

I will listen to your story

and relate it to an experience of mine that is hopefully

as close as possible

so that I can truly put myself in your shoes to understand how you feel.

__________________

Because we only

gain data as we move through life and

gain experience,

we "look" inept, incapable, not empathetic...

__________________

Ironically neuronormative people in our lives are

unable to hold space for us while we learn to do this,

unable to have empathy for us

because they frequently lack this skill of cognitive empathy from either

not needing to exercise it,

or not having the experience of "not having the data"

__________________

So to anyone reading this,

if you have doubted or are currently doubting that you are autistic because you feel you learned social cues...

It is the fact that you had to learn them at all that highlights

you are autistic 🤗

01/30/2026

Happy F**k-It Friday!!!!

What social conventions do you twist, bend, or break to take care of YOU???

For me... Well, today I have one that doesn't align in my desired authenticity to help preserve the environment 😮‍💨

It's water bottles.

If I don't use them, I don't drink water.

Tap water almost always tastes gross.

Water flavor enhancers are nasty.

Even when water doesn't taste gross, I'd have to get a clear water bottle so I don't forget that I have liquid near me that is supposed to be consumed.

Then those damn water bottles are always leaking, getting my fingers wet, dripping on my shirt so I "looked like a 4 year old who can't handle a cup"... Ugh, I hate it.

During the winter I try to minimize my water bottle usage by using clear mugs for tea.

But water is important.

I think of it as keeping my brain hydrated, like in the morning I need to drink so my brain can soak it up like a sponge 🤣

Otherwise the demand to drink triggers my Pervasive Drive for Autonomy and I won't drink for hours.

So...

Water bottles that are bad for the environment and brain-soaking mindset it is.

I try to make up for it in other ways.

01/29/2026

The Medication Journey

"There's no such thing! 🤣 What are you even talking about?"

Why ISN'T this talked about??

It's incredibly common across most neurodivergences and traumas;

many people go through the experience of switching between medications to find the right experience for them...

So let's destigmatize it, right here, right now.
_______________________

Meds are a tool to help a person get to a place of some stability so that then the person can do the hard work to find

healthy coping mechanisms,
systemic support,
and a neuroaffirming network.

This particular tool - medications - works for some people...

and hinders others.

_______________________

There are plenty of people who reach mental breakdown / burnout while having been on meds for years...

and there are plenty of people who reach that place who have never been on meds.

There are many people who then take medications and get worse...

and there are many people who switch medications and get worse.

Just as there are a group of people who

newly take meds

or switch meds

and find themselves more stabilized.

It doesn't matter WHICH group your experience falls in,

medications are NOT a solution.

They are a tool that if used MUST be combined with some form of therapeutic practice.

And THAT,

is a HUGE umbrella that may or may not look like working with a therapist or being in therapy, so don't confuse the two.

_______________________

How to choose a medication?

Well first, you don't get to choose;

You're not walking into a library and saying "Hmm, which med am I feeling today?"

Some work instantaneously -

like stimulants -

and can be more easily stopped / switched to a different drug

Others -

like SSRIs and SNRIs -

take weeks to build and weeks to wean off.

You may find a combination of drugs will help, in which case you have to

add or subtract one at a time.

_______________________

Consider that it's not about

"which meds will help my neurodivergence",

it's more about

"which meds will have the desired effect on my brain so I can live in this capitalistic ableist society?"

It may also be "which meds will have the desired effect on my brain so I don't hurt others or myself,"

and answering this question is where consent can get so dicey... Especially when a child is involved 😮‍💨

_______________________

(I originally answered this question for an ADHDer / AuDHDer, so here is a sample for them of how the line of questioning might go:

Do you struggle with time blindness, memory fog?

- A stimulant or an anxiety medication may help significantly.

Do you struggle with emotion regulation, ADHD rage?

- A mood regulator used for depression and anxiety may be a better call.

Do you struggle with task initiation in the sense of feeling energy?

- A stimulant may help.)

It all comes down to what you struggle with in today's unreasonable society,

then working with someone who REALLY understands your neurodivergence -

if you're AuDHD, an ADHD and / or autistic professional -

who can advise which med to go for first.

_______________________

A medication journey easily takes years to find the right combo

for you, and even then,

the solution may actually not be medications at all.

_______________________

For myself, I'm "raw do***ng" my AuDHD, but I did do a 2 year journey myself;

my data is incomplete because I was going through a difficult relationship bordering on abusive at the time and didn't recognize it.

Even so I just found it wasn't helping me as much as therapy and neurodivergent tools did.

I don't regret my medication journey;

taking a stimulant helped cut through the brain fog for me

and it allowed me to really understand what it felt like to be clear headed.

Now that I'm in a place where I've addressed my anxiety,

my memory is a thousand times better, and with self-realized clarity I've found that I have been using tools for working with my memory and have just needed to refine them.

_______________________

All this to say...

There is no shame in taking medication;

There is no shame in avoiding it.

Your job is to do what is best for YOU, and that does mean actively seeking support and tools in a healthy balance.

01/27/2026

Just because you are a POC, doesn't mean you get to be sexist...

and not be called out on it.

Just because you are an LGBTQ+ member, doesn't mean to get to be ableist...

and not be called out on it.

Just because you are disabled, doesn't mean you get to be ableist against other communities...

and not be called out on it.

____________________

Want another staggering realization?

Just because you are disabled,

doesn't mean you don't have internalized ableism.

Just because you are an LGBTQ+,

doesn't mean you don't have internalized sexism.

Just because you are a POC,

doesn't mean you are free from internalized racism.

CONFRONT YOUR INTERNALIZED BIGOTRY!!!!

____________________

I've been actively digging into mine for the last 2 years, and I really wish someone had told me:

There's a difference between "not being bigoted" and actually not being bigoted...

That it DEMANDS you become an advocate because the process itself demands active participation:

1) SEEKING OUT content creators who belong to marginalized groups,

2) Following their story and growth and internalizing it as your own,

meaning that you don't rewrite their story from your perspective,

you listen to their story as it actually is and take it as truth for that member of their community.

3) Recognize the patterns in that marginalized community's members:

The history. The language. The culture. The bigotry against it and inside it.

It's ALL there, and if you can't see it, you've got more digging to do.

4) PRIORITIZE those voices over your own.

With that in mind I'll be putting together a list for different marginalized communities for people to follow, it's just gonna take a big chunk of time, so hopefully by then end of this week.

5) ADVOCATE for those voices when they're not in the room, from THEIR perspective, not yours.

Remember, you don't have to be perfect;

You just have to keep doing better.

01/26/2026

It's Missed Skills Monday!!...
🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

I originally thought it was a great way to pass on information...

After all, EVERYBODY has knowledge gaps -

where we're raised,
how we're raised,
when

how our generational curses and wealth are passed on -

We all have missing pieces.

And many of us - especially neurodivergents - were assumed to be:

"incompetent" and therefore not needing to know,

"capable" and therefore already knowing, therefore the L-word (LAZY)...

___________________

So we're missing crucial skills.

Many of us are missing emotion regulation skills and therefore struggle ON TOP of

alexithymia,
interoception,
sensory overload,
ADHD irritation,

and RSD activation...

___________________

We're missing self-advocation skills like

identifying needs,
communicating those needs,
standing by those needs,
seeing through natural consequences,
being authentic to yourself during the process,
being authentic to how you see others during the process
.. do these all sound familiar? If any of them don't, then you're actually missing the skill known as SETTING BOUNDARIES.

___________________

Many of us are missing some

"basic knowledge" skills people mistake for

"common sense" 🤣🤣

but are often the result of privilege or false equivalency assumptions:

- record keeping
- cooking
- nutrition
- vehicle maintenance
- driving
- budgeting
- laundry
- house maintenance
- cleaning "looks clean" spots
- hygiene
- time management
- taxes
- problem preventing & solving
- safe web browsing
- energy management
.. Any of these look like the "executive functioning skills" you struggle with?

Worse: any of these look like ones where you were told you "just had tO dO iN THIS waY", a way that was never really accessible for YOU?

___________________

So if you're still with me at the end of this Monday rant, tell me...

Do you actually WANT to see these kinds of posts on Missed Skills Monday?

They cost me energy, but I'm happy to make them...

if they're doing more than just sitting in the void.

If you want them to keep coming folks, I've gotta see:

some likes on this post

and

likes / comments on those future Monday posts.

01/25/2026

It's Signing Sunday!!!

Be sure to hop over to the discord for 6:30pm EST and sign Hi! Link in comments 👇👇👇

(Happens every other Sunday @ 6:30pm for half an hour or as long as people are engaged!)

01/25/2026

📖 When we grab you by the ankles
Where our mark is to be made,
You'll soon be doing noble work
Although you won't be paid.

When we drive away in secret
You'll be a volunteer;
So don't scream when we take you,
The world is quiet here.

- VFD Creed, A Series of Unfortunate Events

We are here.

We are listening.

We are ready.

01/24/2026

(hang on here)

When people talk about changing your approach to a conversation to make the message more palatable...

It DOES make it feel less threatening to the other person.

__________________

And yet, how is a person to also account for authenticity, to call out injustice, to advocate for one's self by setting and following through boundaries?

"I am not okay with being touched. If you do not remove your hand, I am going to walk away" is not a viable response to someone with the intent of violating your consent because they feel entitled to do so.

__________________

Many people - women and autistics especially - have been taught to communicate in a way that "doesn't offend the other person":

"Oh haha, you're so funny" *tries to shuffle away from the other person, shrug off their touch, ignore their own discomfort while the hand remains.

__________________

Many of us have learned the hard way:

That person was ALWAYS going to be offended by us asserting our boundaries, whether we

appeased,
changed our word choices,
lifted our vocal tones,
or added insecure identifiers.

__________________

Many of us are done with the idea of changing our delivery for the sake of other people's desire for

comfort through complacency.

__________________

Arguably this is one of many reasons why we are in the situation we are in with the states,

and why Canada is not far behind;

People would rather police the tone of another person's delivery to

avoid confronting internalized sexism, ableism, and racism,

than do the work.

__________________

(You may potentially argue that who the other person is matters, that we ascertain for ourselves whether or not that person really has our best interests at heart;

Yes.

AND the data shows most sexual assaults happen by the people who are supposed to honor our consent the most,

meaning that the person we are supposed to give our trust to and assume they have the best intentions are the very people most likely to violate it.)

__________________

If you are a woman,
part of the 2slgbtqi+ community,
a person of color,
or part of the disabled community...

There is no winning with changing your approach.

Only constant loss at your own hands rather than assigning responsibility where it belongs.

01/23/2026

The difference between delayed speech development and childhood dyspraxia.

Every neurotype, every disability, every marginalized community...

Has their own bigotry to face by the others.

It's important to dip your toes into all of them, to really understand the misconceptions and advocate against the ableism each group faces.

01/23/2026

Happy F**k-It Friday!!!! What coping mechanisms do you use that you KNOW your 'rents give you the 👀?

For me, "to dinner or to not dinner, that is the question!"

Seriously, food is HARD -

I have to try to listen to my body that doesn't want to say anything other than

"not that" in response,

figure out what it'll actually eat,

summon the energy to pull myself from staring at the fridge for

10 minutes

begging my body to make another choice because I'm missing one key ingredient,

then summon the energy to make the damn thing when my

dopamine of being creative

is outpaced

by the tiredness of my legs from standing -

and no, sitting is NOT an option, once I'm down I'm out.
.. Just...

Describing this process. I'm drained 😮‍💨

So anyway, FED IS BEST!

I snack.

And my favorite snack-as-meal is nacho dip,

even though once I'm done a round of it I don't want to see it for a month.

1 avocado
1/2 green pepper
1/4 c chopped cilantro
1/4 c medium salsa
1/4 c hot salsa
1/4 of a lime, squeezed juice
Shredded / diced finely lettuce
1/2 c Greek high protein yogurt
1/2 c or less sour cream
Buttload of taco seasoning
7 packets of Taco Bell hot sauce
Shredded cheese

*Measurements rounded

I mixed the first 6 ingredients in the bottom of my serving dish,

put a good layering of lettuce,

then the rest of the ingredients - except for cheese - mixed in my eating bowl went on top;

No way in hell am I cleaning!

Topped up with shredded cheese for a pretty pic; then served with a heaping of shredded cheese because I also want to feed my soul.

Drinking with a Coke Zero because 1) I should try to do something about being calorie deficit, and something is better than nothing, and 2) I kind of like the taste now

10/10 recommend. Next time will add a layer of ground beef and/or later of warm beans to take it to 12/10 😋

Oh!

The best part is I can use this as a taco filling, serve with cooked nachos, or each with chips right out of the bag.

Bee.In.Harmony

02/03/2026

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