05/12/2023
Words escape me on this day, as they often do now when I sit down to write. It’s certainly not for a lack of thoughts in my heart… but getting them down has felt more like a task that my brain just can’t seem to wrap itself around. And maybe one day, I’ll look back and regret not writing more about this first year with you… but if I find myself regretting anything, I’ll remember…
How I held on to your warm little body as often and long as you’d ever let me, smooching your tiny face right off your body…
How I would sit with you for hours, watching you quietly turn the pages of your book, mindfully placing your toys here and there, or smashing them around, all full of your little energies…
How I slept each night with you curled up right next to me… a body that at times missed her own space, but a heart that felt it the only right way for us.
How we’d pause mid morning to take our little nap together… there was not one chore or thing left undone that was more important than this time together most days.
That I struggled… man oh man did I struggle. I’d carry this weight of never quite feeling like enough and yet, there amidst all the heaviness, was you. My bright little sunshine, lighting my way, guiding me along and giving me the best reason to rise each day with a smile on my face.
What I know more than anything, from the day I heard your little heart beating in my belly, to the day they placed your little body onto my chest for the very first time, to this. very. moment…
I have waited for you my whole life. You bring me home to myself a little more each day baby girl.
Happy 1st Birthday my precious little Fawn🫶🏼
