11/12/2025
"A long-winded story about feeling like nothing matters and finding glimmers."
A couple weeks ago marked the middle point of a very busy few weeks, the most full few weeks I've had since having major health issues and subsequent chronic illness a couple years ago. None of it was difficult, but it required a lot of balls to juggle. I was proud of my increased capacity but could feel the edges unraveling a bit. So, instead of taking the car for an errand up the street, I decided to take " a stupid walk for my stupid mental health" to get some peace and quiet. It was only about 10 minutes, I did not want to overexert and trigger anything, but felt the pull for some fresh air.
It was a dreary day. One of those gray fall days when the sun isn't shining, the wind has picked up, and you can feel those winter blahs starting to creep in. Not only was I feeling the start of overwhelm, I was feeling particularly heavy about the state of the world. I read an article recently about the need to be careful not to pathologize our emotions and experience when living in times like this... the weight of the world is heavy for many of us.
To be honest, this positive psychology, practice what you preach, nervous system self-care, people loving therapist, the one who is so often able to make meaning and carve out resiliency, and walk with others, striving to carry the weight of their struggles for a time, was starting to feel the weight of it all herself. I was starting to feel the weight of "everything in the world is falling apart, does any of this, the work I do, the way I am, the person I try and be, the changes I try to make, does any of it actually matter."
Because sometimes no matter how much self-care/self-work we do, education we have, or experience we hold, we're all human. Sometimes it gets heavy, it gets hard, and it only takes a busy week, or a harsh word from someone, or that one extra ball we have to juggle, to make it feel like it's all going to fall down.
But then as I was going for my little "stupid walk from my stupid mental health", noticing the bleakness of the day, I looked down and saw, fighting its way along the edge of the sidewalk, a small scraggly patch of these little blue flowers.
I have no idea what kind of flower they are (I'm sure someone will tell me in the comments). But here in the midst of the bleak in the heavy, the lack of color, was a vibrant blue.
So I stopped along the road and spent a good 3 or 4 minutes taking photos of what I'm sure is a w**d of some type. The cars that drove by I'm guessing had a good chuckle at all the strange angles I was trying for, in my flower photo shoot.
But I had found a glimmer!
I'm sure I've read it somewhere, but often I remind my clients (and myself) to look for the glimmers in their life: a moment, a split second, a fleeting flash, of something that gives them hope, or shows them beauty, or brings joy. When everything feels hard, it's easy to get lost in it. We can't see anything but the difficulty, the pain, or the sorrow. But glimmers can help send a little beacon through that darkness.
I found a little blue glimmer!
We don't know when we're going to find a glimmer. I find they pop up in the most unexpected places, like this bright blue flower on the side of a road on a cold and windy day. But when we see them, hold on to them. Pause for a second and take its picture (literally or figuratively!). It's the glimmers that help get us through.
Something else the little blue flower reminded me is that we do matter. Just showing up, imperfectly, as our scraggly selves, matters. Sometimes we're like a garden in the middle of the summer, blooming and obviously impactful, but sometimes it's the small little blue flower that shows up in unexpected places... sometimes being that little blue flower makes an even bigger impact. It's not pretending to be anything other than what it is, it's showing up imperfectly, it's just doing its best. That was, and is, enough.
Here's the takeaway, and I'll try and make it brief because we all know I'm long-winded:
1. Look for your glimmers, today and everyday.
2. Remember that you can and do make an impact. Showing up each day in the world in whatever form you can, even if you're feeling a bit scraggly, can still have a huge impact in ways you can't perceive.
It matters.
You matter.
xo,
Melody
