Stephanie Underwood RSW

09/27/2025

The Anxious Attachment uses what we call “Hyperactivating” strategies. These are coping behaviours that are used in their relationships when their fear of abandonment becomes triggered.

The Anxious Attachment has a deep-rooted fear of abandonment which stems from growing up in a home with a parent (or two parents) that were very “hot and cold”. Some days the parent might be in a good mood, but they can quickly become upset. They often have a pattern of guilt-tripping the child, making the child blame themselves and carry guilt for things that the child didn’t do.

In my own private practice, I have yet to meet a client with an Anxious Attachment who didn’t experience any guilt.

Attachment is on a spectrum. Not all anxiously attached individuals are going to engage in all of these behaviours listed below.

These Hyperactivating behaviours can be worked on, but it all begins with having the awareness.

09/27/2025

Have you ever thought about where your values come from? 🤔

We often think our values are who we are, but many of the values we hold may actually be shaped by past experiences or even trauma.

For example:
✨ Independence might stem from a fear of being let down.

✨ Achievement might reflect a need for external validation.

✨ Kindness might come from wanting to avoid conflict.

While these values helped us survive, healing invites us to ask deeper questions:

✨ Do my values reflect my authentic self, or are they rooted in past wounds?

✨ If I felt completely safe and secure, what would my values be?

✨ How can I redefine my values to align with the person I want to become?

Your values are not set in stone, they can evolve with you as you heal. 💛

09/24/2025

The Fearful-Avoidant attachment, also known as disorganized attachment, is like living in two worlds at once. There’s a deep longing for closeness and love, but also fear that intimacy will lead to rejection or pain.💔

If this resonates with you, know that it doesn’t define you, it’s a starting point for healing and understanding yourself in relationships.

09/23/2025

Your inner critic is loud, but would you ever speak to your child self that way?

Use two images of your younger self and your adult self and use the prompt in the comments to create a blended image of you with your younger self. Keep that picture close, or maybe put it somewhere visible around your home. The next time your inner critic shows up, take it out and ask yourself: “Would I ever speak this harshly to my younger self?”

Chances are, the answer is no. And that’s the point. Treat yourself with the same care, patience, and kindness you deserved back then, and still deserve now.

To create the images, you can use Gemini or Sora (Gemini is a bit more precise). Just follow the prompt pinned in the comments below to bring them to life.

09/22/2025

Parents carry an incredible amount of influence in shaping their child’s life. They don’t just guide how a child sees themselves, they also shape how that child learns to see the world 🌍

In my latest blog post, I explore how a parent’s anxiety can deeply affect their child’s self-perception, and what this means for their future.

Read the full post here: https://www.healingnarrativescounselling.com/post/how-parental-anxiety-shapes-your-child-s-perception-of-the-world

Discover how parental anxiety shapes a child’s self-esteem and worldview, and learn steps to break fear-based cycles in parenting.

09/13/2025

Avoidance is a coping mechanism. As much as it is more likely to be attributed to someone with an Avoidant Attachment, it’s not always the case.

Yes, Avoidance often feels like relief in the short-term, but in reality, it just keeps us stuck. Whether it’s avoiding hard conversations, our emotions, or even our own needs, this coping strategy comes with a cost. Awareness is the first step toward breaking the cycle.

09/11/2025

I was at the pet store earlier, picking up cat litter and food, and found myself struggling to carry both to the cash. Instead of just asking the employee for help, I ended up making two trips. Funny how it’s so much easier to do extra work than to ask for help, isn’t it?

It got me thinking, how often do we carry more than we need to, simply because asking for support feels harder?

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09/10/2025

In recent years, mental health awareness has exploded. People openly discuss autism, ADHD, attachment styles and “emotional unavailability” online. Yet one concept still flies under the radar: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These early traumas quietly shape adult coping, behavior, and even misdiagnoses. Without acknowledging ACEs, we risk mistaking survival strategies for immutable personality traits or neurodevelopmental conditions.

Read more ✨👇🏼

Discover what Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are, how they manifest, the lesser-known examples, and why they’re often mistaken for other mental health conditions — including autism and neurodivergence. Learn how ACEs shape lifelong coping mechanisms and where to find credible research.

09/10/2025

Parentified or enmeshed children often disown their own needs.