10/12/2024
On the verge of Thanksgiving, many are thinking of gratitude. However, I know that one form of emotional abuse involves unfair attacks and/or accusations of ingratitude.
Being falsely accused of ingratitude, especially by a parent/caregiver, can be deeply hurtful. When those who are supposed to love and support us misinterpret or criticize us unfairly for our actions or emotions, it feels like a betrayal of trust. If we are children when this happens, it really confuses us and leads us to feel guilty and badly about ourselves.
If you’re facing this kind of emotional abuse, remember:
Your truth matters: You know your heart and your intentions better than anyone else. False accusations do not define you. Just because someone says you are ungrateful doesn’t mean it’s true.
Emotional abuse is about control, not clarity. Sometimes, accusations of ingratitude can be a tactic to manipulate or diminish your self-worth. Recognizing this can help you not internalize the blame.
Gratitude is personal: It’s possible to be deeply grateful for someone’s efforts or sacrifices and yet have limits, boundaries, or differences that the other person doesn’t understand or accept. You are allowed to feel, think, and respond in ways that are authentic to you, even if others don’t see it that way.
Seek validation outside of harmful dynamics: If a parent is being emotionally abusive, it’s essential to seek support from trusted friends, mentors, or a therapist. They can offer a clearer perspective and help you remember your value.
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries: If these accusations are recurring and used as a weapon, consider establishing emotional or physical distance. Protecting yourself from hurtful behaviour is an act of self-preservation, not ingratitude.
Ultimately, you deserve love and respect. You don’t need to prove your worth or your gratitude to those who distort or deny it. Stay true to your sense of self.
Wishing you all a peaceful Thanksgiving Day, Joanna, Clinical Director, CTP
