Karen Searle, MSW, RSW, Psychotherapist

07/08/2025

The Importance of Saying "No"

Saying "no" is often a challenge for many people. People are worried about saying "No" for a variety of reasons - they have a fear of letting others down or disappointing them; they have a deep sense of duty or obligation; they have a sense of ownership or responsibility to make others happy and so on. However, there are times when saying "No" is the best thing possible for your physical and mental health.

This might be saying "No" to staying in a toxic marital relationship; or saying "No" to tolerating abuse; or saying "No" to giving your time or energy to others when you are physically and emotionally depleted.

Dr. Gabor Mate is a Canadian physician, renowned speaker, and bestselling author. Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development.

Dr. Gabor Mate illustrated the powerful connection between mental health (including unresolved childhood trauma) and physical health issues.

His book - "When The Body Says No" explores the effect of the mind-body link on illness and health and the role that stress and one’s individual emotional makeup play in an array of common diseases.
https://drgabormate.com/book/when-the-body-says-no/

Here is a great video interview with Dr. Mate - When the Body Says No - The Unlikely Link Between Stress, Trauma & Disease | Gabor Maté:

Dr. Gabor Mate - When The Body Says No
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW7WpyMCwqc

07/02/2025

I recently came across a small book I had read many years ago called "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz. I made a quick decision to re-read it, which I am glad I did as it is a gem.

It offers up wonderful insights about how we are conditioned from childhood to "agree" (often unconsciously) to ways of being in the world without really understanding what these agreements are. These can then repeat themselves throughout our lives, like a computer program running in the background of our systems - and it is not always a good program!

For example, a child might learn that they are only acknowledged or validated by their parents when they get straight "A"s in school so in order to receive love and validation, they "agree" to be a good student no matter what the cost is to them emotionally or psychologically.

The Four key Agreements identified in the book are:

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD:

-Speak with integrity (do not lie to others - be brave and share your truth with kindness and compassion and avoid passive/aggressive communication)
-Say only what you mean - use direct language so your message is clear - others are not mind readers
-Avoid using the word to speak negatively against yourself or to gossip about others (gossiping is often a projection of our own negative feelings about ourselves)
-Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love

DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY:

-Nothing others do is because of you - they are responsible for their own thoughts, feelings, behaviours and actions - NOT YOU!
-What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream, their own traumas - their "stuff" is not yours to own or manage
-When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering

DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS:

-Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want and need in your life or from others - when we make assumptions, they are often wrong
-Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST:

-Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to when you are sick or depleted
-Under any circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, regret or guilt

While on paper, these Agreement might appear easy and straight forward but I notice that when I review them with my clients, following them consistently is often difficult and requires a conscious commitment. However, the rewards from doing so can be very freeing.

For more information on this book go to:

The Four Agreements™ was published in 1997 and has sold over 15 million copies in the United States alone. It has been on the New York Times Bestselling list for over a decade and is published in 5…

05/08/2025

Current world events can generate feelings of anxiety, depression or overwhelm as there are so many things which might feel beyond our personal control but still have a significant impact on us. This often lands on top of personal challenges as well.

Finding safe and effective coping strategies to manage these feelings can be extremely beneficial for positive mental and physical health and wellbeing.

There is a World Summit being held online next week - May 13-19 with some of the world's leading therapists and is designed to help people manage their fears and anxieties. You can register for this event at no cost.

Learn from world-renowned experts how to overcome fear and anxiety, rewire your brain, and cultivate resilience and inner peace.

02/10/2025

There is no doubt about it - these are challenging times. From climate change issues, escalating food costs to political chaos, this world can seem crazy at times. Reading the news or just experiencing life can feel very stressful.

It is lovely to come across resources which build us up and create unity instead of tearing us down and creating division. Here is one such resource.

According to Josh, UpLift is a free wellness webinar series created by Josh Martin: a cancer survivor, author and regular guest facilitator for the Canadian Mental Health Association. In each module, you’ll find obstacle-busting advice and practical resources, drawing on lessons learned from life’s awesome and absurd moments. It's self-help with a sense of humour!

https://badgeofawesome.com/about-badge-of-awesome/

Hopefully this will help us put things into perspective with a sense of humour but also help to build our coping strategies.

03/13/2024

Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT)

IEMT was developed by Andrew T. Austin, from Steve and Connirae Andreas' model of Eye Movement Integration. IEMT is known as a brief change work process that often generates
rapid change in the area of undesired emotional and Identity imprints. IEMT helps a client move more into the present while allowing them to release the emotional charge*
(*unwanted thoughts, feelings, images, sensations, beliefs, etc.) of past negative experiences.

Andrew Austin describes IEMT "as a psychotherapy model aimed at reducing intense negative emotional states. It involves recalling a negative event while moving the eyes in specific directions, leading to a reduction in negative emotions associated with that event or image."

The IEMT model asks two very important questions:

1. How did I learn to BE this way?
2. How did I learn to FEEL this way?

We experience unique events throughout our lives - all of which "imprint" on us - emotionally, physically, psychologically, sexually, etc. This can then lead to a perception of who we are, it may affect how we react to people or events and can influence how we perceive others, sometimes in a negative way.

IEMT can effectively help release stuck beliefs, feelings, sensations, etc. Unlike many other types of therapeutic modalities, clients can often resolve painful issues without ever discussing or disclosing the details of the situation (content free sessions). This can be a tremendous relief for some clients.

For more information on this therapeutic intervention go to:

https://integraleyemovementtherapy.com/summary-of-iemt/

If you are interested in experiencing rapid change work, please feel free to contact Karen directly at: karen@counsellingcanhelp.ca for more information.

Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT) is a psychotherapy model aimed at reducing intense negative emotional states. It involves recalling a negative event while moving the eyes in specific directions, leading to a reduction in negative emotions associated with that event or image. Background and Dev

11/25/2021

Coping with grief during the holidays.

Grief is challenging at any time but sometimes it can feel even more pronounced during holiday seasons.

David Kessler is an author, public speaker, and death and grieving expert. He has published many books, including two co-written with the psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

He created a short video related to learning how to cope with grief during the holidays:

https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/holiday-grief-video

I hope this brings you some insights or relief. My heart is with you.

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09/20/2021

The Disease of Being Busy!

I am not sure about you but there are days when I cannot imagine how I will accomplish the incredible "To Do" list that I have for myself. I consider myself a pretty organized person but it seems that no matter how structured we are, the demands of work, partners, children, chores, etc., can simply feel overwhelming at times.

I recently read this short article by Joyce Marter on the "Disease of Being Busy." She offers some sound tips to help us manage our time effectively. Please see the attached article:

Time Management: How To Recover From The Disease Of Being Busy - by Joyce Marter, Licensed Psychotherapist, CEO, National Public Speaker, Media Contributor, & Author of The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life

Written by Joyce Marter, LCPC Many of us are suffering from the disease of being busy. Through technology, we are plugged into a never-ending stream of news and work and subsequently, we have become disconnected from ourselves and one another.

08/05/2021

I recently listened to this brief podcast by Dr. Amy Bradley who is a researcher and consultant in the UK I believe. She speaks to the dehumanization of the workplace and the rippling impact this has on our humanity. I couldn't agree more. If there was ever a time when people need to come together to support and care for one another, this is definitely one of those times.

I research, write, consult and speak on the topics of compassion and engagement at work. My research has been published in academic and practitioner publications including Harvard Business Review, Forbes Magazine and Management Today and in the press, including BBC online and The Guardian.

04/14/2021

Follow up to last post on miscarriages:

Patricia Kozicka of Global News wrote this article on miscarriages in 2016.

Do you know the symptoms of a miscarriage and when it's most likely to occur? Here's what experts on pregnancy loss think you should know.

04/14/2021

The Stigma Around Miscarriages

I have had both friends and many of my clients disclose a history of miscarriages. While the number of miscarriages may be higher than you think, it doesn't seem to be a topic which is given a lot of attention.

"While there isn’t much Canadian data on miscarriages, the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC) estimates 15 to 20 per cent of pregnancies end in one." (By Patricia Kozicka Global News)

A miscarriage can be devastating for a couple but unfortunately, it doesn't always appear that people are able to receive the emotional support they may need after such a loss.

Matt Galloway explored this topic on "The Current" today (CBC Radio). Caution: Some of the content may be upsetting to those who have experienced this type of loss.

You can advance the audio portion to 21:11 which is where this segment begins.

Full text transcript for April 12th episode.

04/14/2021

How to cope with the pandemic burnout

There is no doubt that the pandemic is taking a toll on our physical and mental health. If you are feeling tired, overwhelmed, lacking in energy, lacking interest and lacking motivation....all of these are possible signs of pandemic burnout.

Matt Galloway on CBC radio hosted a conversation about this on The Current yesterday. Listen here for more information:

Feeling tired? Unmotivated? You might be experiencing pandemic burnout. We discuss the impact of long-term stress on our brains and memory with Dr. Roger McIntyre, professor of psychiatry and pharmacology at the University of Toronto, and Dr. Natasha Rajah, professor in the department of psychiatry....