12/08/2020
A path to passion and purpose.
For a long time, I lived a life I did not want too live. For a long time, I felt like there was always something missing. I did not understand why I was feeling this way and I did not know what to do about it, So I did what everyone else did. I looked for love in the wrong places and at the same time I drank and drugged. For a time, I found what I was looking for in s*x, relationships, drugs and alcohol. I went out on the weekends and sometimes on the weekdays. I worked hard and played hard but to what end? Eventually it was not enough for me anymore, the feelings came back, and I started to slip. I started drinking and drugging everyday and I started disrespecting everyone around me. There was no where I could run anymore and there was no where I could hide. I started to self destruct.
Some years, a lot of pain and a few treatment centers later. I was at a point of change again. The point where either I choose life or death and ultimately shadow or substance. Before my eyes, a path made itself known to me, a path that would lead me to things, experiences and feelings I never thought I would have. You see the thing about pain is it is a great motivator for change. And to change everything about your life you need a lot of it. I literally had to feel everything. All the pain I caused others and myself. I had to look at the beliefs and values that led me to the bottom and I had to figure out where they came from and if they were even mine. What I found out astonished me. The fact of the matter was I had no clue who I was, I was lost on such a deep level the realization almost knocked me out. It was like I woke up from a horrible 10-year long dream. Nothing I knew about myself was true and my inner compass which had been guiding me was created from outside sources such as bad experiences, trauma, pain and “evidence” as to why I was a bad person and unworthy of anything good. Do not get me wrong a lot of bad things happened but the lessons and meaning I took from those experiences were fundamentally incorrect. What I had done was take this untrue information and created a mental prison of limitations, fear, and justifications. This realization set me on a path and trajectory that made it possible to take back my own life and to create it the way I wanted to. To do what I wanted to and to become who I wanted to be BECAUSE IF I KNOW WHAT IS WRONG I CAN CHANGE IT. The lesson that I learned was “I had to let go of everything I thought I knew to get where I wanted to go”. The truth is you can not do the same things and get different results it is just impossible. I can not be on the inside looking in, I need other people to do that with me.
So, I want to ask you, what if everything you think you know about yourself is not true? What if you ACTUALLY CAN live a life worth living? What if all the limitations you have are of your own creation? What if there is your own individual path to passion and purpose?
